Vanya's Journal, Chapter 28 "I never knew..."
You look up from the journal in surprise at the dark-haired woman who sits across the table from you. You'd been so absorbed in what you were reading you hadn't even noticed that she'd entered.
"I never knew..." she whispers again, wiping her eyes absently with the tip of a finger.
"What do you mean?" you ask her. "What do you mean, you 'never knew'?" There's a brief silence as neither of you speak, and you tilt your head curiously, venturing a further question: "Who are you?"
But she only shakes her head and composes herself, saying, "Don't. Please, just continue reading..."
You hesitate for a moment before you oblige, watching her. She stares back at you with her fingers folded in front of her face. Then, giving up, you turn the page and begin reading the next entry. Mr Frog told me once that the universe is like a floating soap bubble, and that Parasol, Ballpoint and Eris are like tiny bubbles stuck to the outside of it. I never really grasped how accurate his analogy was until I saw proof of it myself. It extends so much farther than he said... the smaller soap bubbles can be
inside the main one, floating there by themselves, moving about with little effort. It's odd to think I'd spent most of the past couple of years living in a tiny "soap bubble" inside a bigger "soap bubble", but then, I never really figured it out until after it had gone...
~~~
I fell, nothingness whirling about me like a funnel cloud. Nothing existed; not space, not light, not sound... and somehow, I was able to breathe... but I didn't really want to be breathing at all... I'd lost my sister. While she'd been alive, she was all that I'd lived for; she'd been all that I'd cared about... and then she'd died. Or at least, I thought she did. Suddenly, one day, I'd found out she wasn't dead at all... and then, just as suddenly, she was gone, again. This time, I'd
watched her die. I'd held her hand in mine as she'd breathed her last... and I never even got to say goodbye.
I didn't really care about anything anymore... but that didn't mean I wasn't in pain.
Without warning, I materialized on the other side, stumbling forwards and falling to my knees as I wept loudly for my sister's death. Salaia... sweet Salaia... she'd never done anything wrong. She didn't deserve death.
I had never done anything to deserve
any of the things that kept happening to us. It seemed the universe itself took a perverse, sadistic pleasure in watching me suffer. Tears streaked my blood-spattered face, and I didn't even care to wipe them away, taking off the accursed PEA that hung at my belt and tossing it bitterly to the side.
Then, it dawned on me: Where was Mr Frog?
I looked up, and what I saw stunned me into silence. I wiped my eyes to clear them, but it couldn't be denied: I wasn't in Mr Frog's laboratory anymore. Looking about in bewilderment, I wondered what had happened. The ceiling and walls, made of rough, unchiseled stone, were far too close... The room was smaller than it should have been, and completely empty: there wasn't a piece of furniture or lab equipment anywhere in sight. Mr Frog's miniportal sat behind me, and a stone door stood framed in the wall to my left, exactly where I would've expected it to be... but apart from that, little was the same.
Carefully dragging myself to my feet, I walked to the door and peeked out. The hallway outside was empty, but it was familiar enough for me to know: I was in Mr Frog's room. ...Or at least, what
used to be his room.
As I looked about, I noticed a squad of Ballpoint soldiers stationed down the hallway, far to my right. Shattered as I felt, it wasn't hard to figure out that Ballpoint had attacked Mr Frog. I decided it was probably because he sent me in again.
Behind me, I heard a loud hum from Mr Frog's portal, followed by Urist's and Hans' muttering and exclamations as they too realized that Mr Frog's laboratory had vanished. I scowled at the very thought of them, and forced myself into the hallway, closing the door as I went. I didn't want to talk to Urist, and more than that, I didn't want
him to talk to
me.
I didn't really care that my ears were visible. I didn't care that Ballpoint was everywhere. I didn't care if they killed me. I simply didn't care. What did I have to live for? Feeling sick and lightheaded, I staggered slowly in the direction of the contractors, hoping that they might know who I was, and end the nightmare that had kept me in its clutches for far, far too long. I didn't even feel I was a part of the world anymore, so why should I remain?
A voice shouted in the distance. "Vanya! I know what happened!" I struggled to bring my eyes to focus on the group of Ballpoint soldiers as they began struggling with their captive, who reached out for me. "Vanya, don't give up!" It was Wari. I felt myself warm ever so slightly to her voice. "There's still hope!" she yelled. "Leave and get to Parasol!"
A few of the soldiers began beating Wari with their weapons to quiet her, while the rest began jogging towards me. I watched them with deadened eyes as they approached... but with every strike the others laid on Wari, I felt her agony with her in my heart, a teardrop sliding down my cheek.
"I
promised you, Vanya! I don't make promises lightly!" Wari shouted at me, her voice distorted with pain. "Vanya, run!"
Still they approached, less than 30 meters away, and yet I still stood silently, unable to will my leaden limbs to move. I processed what she said... but my sluggish mind couldn't remember what she'd promised. Yet, in the back of my mind, there was a little glimmer of hope... just a little... that she was talking about my sister.
They were almost to me, and I tried in vain to move.
"VANYA, RUN!" Wari screamed.
Finally, my legs obeyed, and I stumbled in the opposite direction, step, by step, by painful step, and as I ran, I began to gain speed, until my legs seemed to fly, my surroundings blurring as I fled.
"
RUN, VANYA!" she screamed after me. "
NEVER LOOK BACK!"
And I ran.
Even if my sister was dead... even if I hated Urist... there was still Wari. There was still Mr Frog. There was still Jack Magnus, and Draconik, and Splint, and most importantly, there was still Spearbreakers: a horrible fortress filled with wonderful people.
Scattered dwarves glanced at me as I passed them, fleeing through the hallways and up the stairs, but if they noted my strange armor or elven ears, they said nothing. I saw groups of Ballpoint soldiers, clad in dwarven armor... I could hear the occasional hum of portals, the sound of clashing weapons and muffled screaming of civilians.
Spearbreakers was under attack.
I ran out towards the entrances, through the upper hallways, and into Jack Magnus. The collision knocked me backwards onto the ground.
"Whoa, there! Slow down!" he laughed, pulling me to my feet. "What's the hurry?" Then, quietly, "Vanya, your ears are uncovered..." He removed a cap from his head and put it on mine, curiously examining my face. "Are you okay, sweetheart? You've been crying."
I quieted my heavy breathing as best as I could. "Where is everyone?" I asked, feeling the hat gently with my hand, pulling it over my ears.
"Cleaning up after the last siege..." he said, quizzically searching my face. "What's wrong?"
I looked up desperately at his face. "Jack, Spearbreakers is under attack. It's... it's the mercenaries. They're back. And..." I hesitated, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be long before he knew everything. "...they're after
me."
"The mercs?" He raised an eyebrow in surprise, adding, "We sent them packing almost a year ago, now. Wait, that caravan of soldiers in the trade depot - is that them, too?" With a frown, he nodded his head towards the courtyard behind him.
Looking past him in that direction, I saw a squad of contractors jogging towards us. "Jack," I whispered pointedly. He spun around, and even as he did so, he pulled his axe from where it hung at his side.
Jack Magnus turned back once more over his shoulder, giving me a nod. "Vanya, I'll hold them back for a minute. You get somewhere safe. Tell Mitch to sound the alarm, and then find Fischer." He set his feet in an attack stance and waited calmly, tapping his axeshaft against his hand.
I didn't stay to watch. Turning, I began running towards the Hospital, where Mitchewawa usually was.
Down the stairs I went, tripping and stumbling, trying to keep myself moving. I felt exhausted, wanting to fall asleep and never wake up. As I continued down the hallways towards the hospital, I passed Reudh, on the way to his office and sifting through an armful of paperwork. On a whim, I slowed my footsteps and turned around - if I couldn't find Mitchewawa, Reudh would do just as well, though I still felt a little guilty about how I'd wrongly judged him.
"Lord Reudh?" I asked, panting.
"Is something the matter?" he asked quickly, lowering the papers he was studying.
"J... Jack..." Surprised, I paused and tried to collect myself. I'd never had a problem with stuttering before. "Jack Magnus wants the alarm sounded. Spearbreakers is under attack... It's the mercenaries."
As I spoke, concern etched itself across his face. "Certainly! It will be done at once! I am dreadfully sorry if you've been attacked! Might I be able to assist?" He looked at me inquiringly, almost hopefully.
I shook my head numbly, trying to keep up with the rapid pace of events. "No... No. But thank you."
I started to leave, but then I stopped. Turning back, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek - just a peck - as a sort of apology. With that, I left, running back towards the stairs.
As I began to ascend Spearbreakers' spiral staircase towards the barracks, I heard soldiers shouting, "There!" I didn't wait to find out if they were talking about me. If they had the way blocked, then there was no way for me to find Colonel Fischer, and so I made a change of plans. There was still one way out of the fortress... Mr Frog's mossy tunnels. Praying I would be able to find my way through them, I turned around, going back down the stairs. I felt bewildered, sick, and dizzy... but my legs were moving. I hoped that was enough.
When I reached the apartment level, I heard a familiar voice yelling in the distance: "
Pocket sand! ...Squirrel tactics!" I looked through the doorway as I passed and saw a group of contractors clutching at their eyes. Orodogoth helped Wari escape them, and they entered a portal together, just before it dissipated.
I watched the contractors for a moment... and then an idea wormed its way into my mind... Ballpoint was after
me...
"Hey!" I yelled, wincing at how sore my throat was. The soldiers pointed at me and began running... and I did the same. Down, down, down... One foot after the other, one step after the next.
I soon passed Tomio on the stairs. He was standing by a group of levers on the wall, so silently that I didn't even know he was there until he grabbed my arm. "Stop!" he cried out, pulling me to a halt. I made a weak attempt to get away, but he held me tight. "Calm down!" he hissed. "There's something Wari wanted me to tell you."
I stopped struggling and examined his face suspiciously. I could hear Ballpoint soldiers above us on the stairs, coming down after me in a tumult of bootsteps.
"'Honeycomb', she said." He grimaced, as if saying something so nonsensical hurt his pride. "She wanted me to tell you 'Honeycomb'."
"What?" I asked. "What does that mean?"
He shrugged. "She said it was something she wanted you to remember." The heavy sound of iron boots approached, and Tomio spun me around, sending me down the stairs with a shove. "Get to Orod's headquarters!" he called out. "Don't worry about me."
As I hurried down the steps once more, I heard the clanking and grinding of machinery far above, Tomio's shouts, and the agonized yells of Ballpoint soldiers. I never found out what he'd done to them... Tomio the inventor... I'd never thought he might save me in the end.
And I ran. All I ever do is run, and leave everything I know and love behind me. It's all I've ever done; it's all I've ever been able to do.
I fled down the stairs, past the coffins in the upper hallway, down to the level of Orodogoth's workshop. The corridors were empty but for Rose, one of Splint's hammerguards, who looked at me strangely. It wasn't long before I reached the corner and turned towards Orodogoth's workshop, but then I stopped: far down the hallway was a group of gray-clad soldiers, and at their head walked a familiar figure: Commander Acetalyta.
I felt a slight rage in my heart towards her, but just briefly... just until I remembered why I was upset. I'd thought Urist had seduced her. The thought of him only made me angrier, and I forgot for a moment where I was.
"It's her!" the commander shouted accusingly, her voice echoing against the stone. "Get her!" As one, they rushed towards me, drawing their weapons. I turned and fled back the way I had come, the Ballpoint contractors in hot pursuit. But I was tired... I hardly had anything left, and I knew they were gaining.
As I passed Rose, I halted for a moment, looking at her pleadingly. We weren't exactly friends... in fact, we'd never talked, but I didn't have any choice. "Please," I panted, "I need help. They're after me."
Her brow furrowed in the flickering torchlight, and she nodded. Far above us, the great drums of battle began to beat, muffled by the stone, and we looked up towards it as one for a moment. Reudh had sounded the alarm. They were rallying the troops. I prayed it meant they would be able to save the fortress.
Looking back at me uneasily, Rose tucked her hair behind an ear. "Go," she told me. "I'll take care of it." I nodded gratefully and staggered away, forcing my protesting feet once more into a run. I was headed for the caverns, and Mr Frog's mossy, hidden tunnels.
Rose was a newer recruit... I've never heard what happened to her. If she died because of me... I don't think I could live with the guilt... I don't want to think about it.
Time seemed to slip away as I ran down the massive, spiraling staircase that descended all the way to the magma seas below. I don't remember much of it. Somewhere along the line, I met Talvi, who was coming up the staircase from the forges. I felt glad to see her... but at the same time, I felt dizzy from exhaustion. My side, my legs, even my lungs ached.
"Miss Talvi," I said quietly, thankfully. "I'm so happy to see you." I swayed, clutching at the wall beside me to steady myself, trying to calm my breath. My heart thudded in my chest so hard I could felt it was shaking me.
She hung back for a moment, looking at me curiously. "V... You look tired, y'do... Like a mushroom pudding that ain't got any fat..."
"I'm very tired," I nodded in agreement, gulping. My mouth was so dry, I found it hard to swallow. "I need to get into the caverns."
She ignored what I'd said, seemingly suspicious. "Those're some strange clothes you're wearin', they is... Reminds me of somethin', but I cain't say fer sure what it do..."
"Miss Talvi, please, focus," I begged her. I didn't even consider it might sound rude. "I need to get to the caverns, but I can't see in the dark, and I don't know the way. I need to get to where Mr Frog did the experiments with the gorlaks."
She nodded slowly, looking me up and down with a careful eye. "I know where that is... Y'passed it a while back, tho'... Lemme take y'there. 'Kay?"
"Thank you, Miss Talvi," I whispered, following her willingly back up the staircase.
Talvi walked ahead with a torch as she led me through the caverns. If I'd been thinking about it, it would've struck me as odd that she was so silent... but my mind was on my sister. The image of her face as she'd looked at me that last time... that quizzical, puzzled, bewildered look... it was burned into my mind, and as we walked, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Talvi looked back at me once or twice, but she said nothing encouraging or sympathetic.
Together we traveled up through the caves, through dark and dusty passages that Talvi and so few others knew... and finally emerged upon a ledge above the cavern proper, deep chasms looming at our feet.
"We're here, V," Talvi said quietly. She didn't turn around.
We obviously weren't there. "Miss Talvi, this isn't it. We're going somewhere else. Did you forget?"
Her voice was quiet, ominous, as it broke the eerie silence of the caverns. "Yes I did." She turned towards me, the flickering torch she held in her hand throwing shadows across her face. She furrowed her brow, and it was only too late that I realized what was going on.
With a scowl, she stepped forwards and shoved me roughly backwards.
"
Talvi!!" I screamed, stumbling, slipping, sliding down the steep-sloped lip of the ledge on which we stood, panicking as I tried to find somewhere. "Talvi, what are you doing?!"
She approached me slowly, menacingly. "I
did ferget, V... I fergot a lot o' stuff, an' it's all yer fault."
"What are you talking about?!" I said, panicking as I tried to claw my way back up the steep slope. Talvi gave me a kick, sending me sliding down even farther as my fingers dislodged rocks and pebbles. "Talvi,
stop!" I screamed. I was only a few feet from the edge.
"You know full well what I'm talkin' about, V gurl," she spat. "Don't you dare play dumb with me! Do'you think I'm a stupid cavy? Is that it, V? You don't think I remember none?"
I clawed desperately for a handhold, and finally found one, halting my descent, but not soon enough: my legs, rolling on pebbles and loose stones, slipped over the edge and fell. I was dangling by my arms. Looking behind me at the massive cavern, I could see the fires of Ugeth flickering over a hundred feet below. The cruel irony of the situation struck me... I'd done this same thing to someone, years before...
"I remember ever'thing, V," Talvi muttered, approaching me slowly, torch in hand. "You
betrayed me, you did. Same as a monkey's tail. I remember you shovin' that needle into my arm." Her face twisted with hatred, and her voice escalated to a yell. "I took you in, V! I pr'tected you! We was friends!"
"Miss Talvi, please!" I begged, trying to pull myself back up. "We can
still be friends!" I was terrified. Less than an hour before I'd been convinced I had no reason to live... but somehow, hanging from the lip of a cliff, everything was different.
"NO, we CAIN'T, V! You stole Mr Frog right out from unner me, you did! You're workin' for
them!" She spat to the side. "That uniform, V. It'd take a fool not to notice it, and I ain't no fool! Same as the coconut who ate 'is brother!" She paused for a moment, thinking. "I wanted t' be that coconut, y'know... I ain't never tasted a coconut before..."
"Miss Talvi, I don't want Mr Frog!" I said, beginning to cry. "You can have him!" My foot finally caught a ledge, and I started to climb back up, hoping Talvi wouldn't notice.
She looked at me icily. "V, you betrayed me, and I
did ferget stuff, an' it's all 'cause'a you! I don't e'en know
what I forgottened! But you did it, V!" She walked forwards carefully down the slope and stood directly before me, glowering with hatred.
I looked up at her in fear, pleading with my eyes. "I did it to save your life, Miss Talvi! If I hadn't, Mr Frog would've killed you!"
She made no response, pondering what I'd said.
"I'm your V girl, remember?
Your V girl. I'm a
friend. Please, Talvi, help me back up!"
But Talvi shook her head. "No, V. You betrayed me," she said heartlessly. "Three times, you did. First with th' needle, then stealin' Mr Frog, then joinin' those mercs and bringin' 'em back to Spearbreakers t'murder us all."
I couldn't believe that sweet, sweet Talvi would be so cruel. "So you're going to betray me in return?" I asked quietly.
She hesitated, thinking it over carefully. In the silence, I moved up a little with my feet against the rock, climbing back up. One arm after the next, I slowly gained height, leaning forwards.
Suddenly, she spoke, with a decided tone. "Yes." Snarling, she rested her foot on my face and pushed me backwards into the abyss... As I fell, the last thing I saw was her torchlit face, watching in grim, hateful satisfaction.
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Topic: [34.11] Spearbreakers - It shudders and begins to move (Read 2280498 times)