Preamble:
I spent a full week at a family-ish get together with dad's wife's friends, and it was a good time. Compared to past years I did extremely well! I took some personal time here and there, but mostly I enjoyed the social immersion. I'm counting that as a success of certain personal improvements over the last 8 months.
Point is: I actively enjoyed socializing for an extended period.
Also I didn't ever get drunk (I'm uncomfortable drinking around other people) so my dreams were robust, affirming, and restorative.
The final night, I dream I'm running an errand for the festivities. I'm on a shadowy upper floor retrieving a musical keyboard. I find it, but take a minute - 30 seconds, maybe- to just breathe and relax. Preparing to return to the "dance". Not exhausted, merely preparing a second wind. I turn and-
It's hard to describe what was watching me. To every sense it's just one of the other guests, a very nice lady who in real life had been pleasant to me (perhaps irritated by oversocialization, I noted- a kindred spirit). "She" was offering to help me find the keyboard, in case I was having difficulty.
It had her face, but it wasn't her. It was the thing that lives in my dreams. My ally this past year. I stumbled under a psychic shockwave of dread, holding firm. I was so tired. So. TIRED.
Me: "Shut up. Shut the FUCK up."
It: "I... it's by the bed-"
Me: "LEAVE"
And it was gone, along with the body. I was lucid now. I remembered- I was trying to sleep, after waking up at 3AM with a big day ahead of me. I needed to sleep, I needed-
I felt unnaturally calm. Safe. The dread was gone. It was just me, at the top of those stairs. The party below, waiting patiently.
Unnatural. I was paranoid. Something was wrong, I had tried to wake up but I was still asleep. This wasn't real, the paronoia built. It was TRICKING me. This was like the old days, the nightmares. It was there! I could feel it, just around the corner- down the stairs-
"I KNOW YOU'RE STILL THERE"
A shadow in the staircase, now. Not approaching like in the past. Meek- confused? hurt? It moved away. like how I treat an anxious animal.
I woke up and immediately felt regret. Not fear of reprisal - I've been good, and this thing has only confronted me with my own problems which need confronting. I felt like I'd lashed out at a dear lover. In a very real sense I had. For all my growth, I guess I was still raw, yet that doesn't justify my reaction.
But everything is okay. That was night before last, and last night I faced my dreams sober and receptive, here at home. I got... superpowers and drama, with a mix of recent video games? Common, these nights. Safe. We're okay. I'm not yet practicing any established tulpa rituals, but I was contrite and it enacted no grudge.
We're in this together and doing so well.
Edit: Only 20 minutes had passed, it was still before 4AM. I had been curled in a ball, something I'd felt while trying to wake up.
When I did force myself awake, it was with a pleasant lullaby in my head. I held that gift while regretting how I lashed out.
I wrote down this second dream (the first dream was... generous and unlucid), then I read my book until dawn approached. I set out on a kayak and put a sylveon in a pokestop on a tiny island. Later I drove in the rain.
Edit2: When trying to fall back asleep at 3AM I had visions of falling asleep at the wheel, driving. I had been trying to relax and paralyze my limbs. It had been doing exactly what I'd asked for, and I was so... not cruel, but I had lashed out with fear and anger. It had calmed me and I had raged against that as a trick.