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I am small and neutral, like Switzerland

[Nordinkel]

[I COMPILED EVERYTHING I'VE DONE IN M> LAST UPDATE POST, TO PREVENT CLUTTER.]

[Shakerag]

so i had the usleless scum make a road thast is at least a little comfortabel to drag aww my english fails jard right nw cure all the foreigns

but thats okay. i had a vent dug out in the ceiling so nobody is distrubed by dismembered boyparts anymore.

Fantastic.

[Nordinkel]

So, i haven't dorfed anybody yet.  did i forget anybody, or does somebody want to get dorfed while there is no werelizard/-gecko killing everybody? you might even live. i'm actually not doing that bad, i guess.

[TD1]

You must dorf the dorf.

To your drink muddled mind, it may not be evident that I mean me

I joke of course.

[Kamin]

Nice to see some new blood going at it! Although maybe it's more alcohol than blood, at this point...

Edit: Just post the save so I can link it up on the OP, unless you will be continuing in the immediate future!

[Shoruke]

somebody has forgotten his foot in the dining foom.

Uhh... my bad. Look, I was busy, okay?

The dude knows. Armok bless him for his foresight. Evrything is gonig according to plant.

according to plant.

*gasp* It's an Elf! Burn it! Oh wait no it's just a very drunk Dwarf, nevermind.

[Bobnova]

Them geckos are becoming an issue!

Nice to see a new Drunk Fortress player!
I lol'd, so you're in my sig now.

[Nordinkel]

Haha, thx, good to see that i'm welcome.

There's no way I'm continuing this anytime soon though. The hangover is strong.

Uploading the save proves to be somewhat of a hassle for me right now, because at the moment i browse at a few kb/s only.

You will get the save sometime later this day, i promise. :>

[Nordinkel]

Spoiler: "THE PRELUDE" (click to show/hide)

So, i have just arrived at this Fortress to become the next overseer and i immideatly regret my decision.



This place looks like it has been led by a lot of drunk people who had no remote idea about what they were doing.
THERE IS A MASSIVE STOCKPILE OF USELESS JUNK ON THE BRIDGE. What's even worse is that the dwarf who makes the trinkets has got to walk up a staircase up the whole mountain to store a single souvenir on that cluttered walkway.
One might think that a better place for the stockpile AND the craftsdwarfs shop might be near the Trade depot, but instead the traders are greeted with the unbearable stench of rotten corpses after climbing the steep path up the Spire this shithole is built on.

Then i see the Burial chambers. I look away. I vaguely recall that Lashshins has been founded three or four years ago. I look back at the burial chambers.


ITS A FUCKING CREMATORY. A Wood furnace and a shit load of graves.


farther down the tunnels i find the real Tomb Chambers. Even more Dwarves died in only four years, to the extent thatthey didn't even have the time to properly bury them anymore. One might have the illusion that this is indeed a proper burial chamber worthy of the fallen dwarves until they noticed the mangled corpse of Mafiawhale that apparently has been just tossed there without a coffin. Just What the hell exactly happened here?

I immedeatly call upon the dwarf that i think is the most reasonable. I have not much candidates to choose between, so instead i look over the documents to at least find the one that is responsible for this mess.



First, i am greeted with the smell of badly digested alcohol mixed with badly ingested vomit. Then i am greeted by a dwarf whose liver had obvious problems of digesting way too much alcohol.

Holy fucking Carp, i was right.

"Just what the Hell is this place?", i ask him while trying to not breathe the cloud of miasma coming out of the hole in the expedition Leader`s Beard.

"Where is everyone and what are they doing? Why aren't they fixing the horrible infrastructure?"

"WH- Who arr ya", lovechild answers. I think i am getting drunk from just breathing the air around here.

"I am Nordinkel, your new Overseer. I want you to tell the other dwarves to assemble at the bridge, by the magma smelters, so i can make a tally of the recources we have available, and assign everybody the job to make normal living possible."

The inebriated dwarf looks at me for some seconds, obviously trying to make sense of the things i just told him.

Then he cracks up in laughter and grins at me, at the same time opening a bottle of plump helmet rum.
"Y'arr not teh ovreseer, yuo goddman sboer asshole!" He leaves me alone after that, tumbling away while still laughing at me.

This is when i learn about the questionable initiation rites to becoming an overseer of Lashshins.
Those people won't listen to me for shit unless i drink myself to oblivion. The reason why this Fortress is such an insufferable mess became very clear to me all of a sudden.

So, while i am preparing for the evil neccisity that are the initiation rites to Lashshins, i am wise enough take a thorough look at the place and write myself a list that remembers me of what to accomplish during my reign of this Hellhouse.

-MAKE BINS
-Fix the Finished Goods Stockpile
-Fix Depot Access
-Fix The Tombs
-establish an infrastructure
-establish a basic military from the next migration wave

I must stay strong now. This Fortress is a Challenge. I am going to make it Drunk-Proof for every next overseer that comes around. We are Dwarves. We have a Future. Even this improbable cesspool of inebriation will survive somehow.

May Armok Help me.

Spoiler: "The Dwarven equivalent of 3/4 of a bottle of scotch later" (click to show/hide)

Okay, so now that we got evry single one of the remaining dwarfes to do as i told em

lets get to booznez

i found a note in my pockets. looks like my own handwriting.

-MAKE BINS
-Fix the Finished Goods Stockpile
-Fix Depot Access
-Fix The Tombs
-establish an infrastructure
-establish a basic military from the next migration wave

i dont even know what i'm doing.
good thing this humble man who wrote the stuff that's makiong sense is helping me. armok praise the dude.



okay now that this order is done for lets take care of the next thing


Now that oxu mention it, the finished good stockpile is UNBELIEVABKLE!

how can you EVER allow su h a thing to happen



i immideatly designated to make the whole of the bridge to take up the whole of the stockpile

what would the traders think if they see that one part of the brigde is not cluttered by the artwork of our  grear artists

okay, next issue.



i checke the depot acces (pro tip: press capital "D"( an d figured out taht wagons have a hard time foing ANYTHING

so i had the usleless scum make a road thast is at least a little comfortabel to drag aww my english fails jard right nw cure all the foreigns



the trade depot should now be a lot more accesible.



i sond know how to fix the tombs. what is even wrong with the tombs.



There is still room in the crematory, so let's fill it up wiht the wayward dwarf corpe who's gotten lost in the tombs.


[This is where i passed out. Slept for a good 3 hours. I havent even unpaused the initial game state yet, so we're still at the beginning of the year.]

Gotta replenish my fortress ruling powers.

DONE.-



Now comes the hard part. oh deer. why does the dude make the guidelines so vague.




a craftsdwarshop (this word is relalay as hard to type as to pronounce it) And a stone excavatino site ist dug out in order to fix te infrastructute.





some dwarf seems to be a little weird. He randomly tranfors into some animal i dot know about ad then transforming back into a dwarf i know about. i accept his antics as long ashe does what i tell him to. the dude idd not mention anything about a problem wiht this, and so far the dude has proven to be trustwotrhy.



turns out this fellow is totally useless. Not a single job assigned to him.



Might as well make him the militia commander.



I succesfully fixed the infrastructuge. The only thing to do now is wait for migrants to from squasd of deudly soldiers.



turns out it needs miasma to form in oder to inform eveybody that somebody has forgotten his foot in the dining foom.

but thats okay. i had a vent dug out in the ceiling so nobody is distrubed by dismembered boyparts anymore.



Now i know what this while lizard thing is all about.



The lizard is making noises, gnawing on the door.
absolutely nothing to worry about.



the room where the lizard militia commander is situated in has a lever in it. i wonder what it does.




I have the lever pulled and am immideatly distracted by an elven caravan. Hopefully they have booze.

"Whatever", i commented the situation and  order to have the new militia commander moved into his new quarters which i just had dug out.




But even though i had the wall removed and the door unlocked, the lizard commander did not show any intention to move. i gusee he likes the room he was poot into.



after a bit of fucking arondu, i finanly got him to move into his new quarters. here's to hope that the haulers are fast enough to get all the equipment inside before he turns back into alizard.



FUCKING ELVES




they don't even apperciate the effrot i made to make the ascension up the mountani easier





YES

THE DUDE KNOWS
DESPITE THE ALCOHOL




THE WHOLE LIST IS DONE
LAHSSHNIS IS RESCUED



Argh, idlers. the dude didn't tell me abotu this kind of problem.




ther seems to be a little gecko problem somehwere. I don't know what that is all about, becuase the lizards i know ar incurediblely docile. maybe i can draft this one into the militia too.




I have no idea how to handle this problem.



turns out the problem handles itself because that weregecko obviously had no intention to turn the trader into one of his kind.



The dude knows. Armok bless him for his foresight. Evrything is gonig according to plant.



HVAE A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MIGHT YOU FILTHY BEAST



Glory to the militia of lasshins.

wlel, my internet is begin an asshole and the save uploading will not happen until tomorrow afternoon when i go to a firends palace to get it done, so GUESS WHAT HERES ANOTHER UPDATE!

Spoiler: "CAN YOU MAKE THE LIZZART SPIT" (click to show/hide)

I think i just realized that i am about to turn a dangreous weregecko into a murdermachine through perpetual trianing BUT HEY ITS NOT LIKE HE IS EVER GONNA LEAVE HSI QUARTERS

"Where is our squad leader"
"He is next door"

"And where is the 10th solider of the arbilests"
"Thats also him"
"GRAAAAAAAAGHosdag"
"What's that sound"
"He is training"



just in case, i hvae some more coffings made or the crematory.



i keep getting those massages. i have no idea why. i cannot find any geckos around.



relaly, i keep looking on the food stockpile and i dotn see anything.



the militia also has no idea why i sent them in there. All the civilians just keep going in there, trying to drink or stroing something and then fling in panic. w7e, just gonan ignore the problem. i wont even try to comprehend the fact that lashshins might be spooped.



tis been a while since i last cheked the farms.



srsly what is up with those people randomly dropping bodyparts everywhere



i mean if i where to stroe like an ear i dont need right now i would use the communal dislocation storayge right here but nobody seems to give a sit about that.



THERE WE GO

no more ded rotting stuff cluttering the fort



after digging another vent to get rid of he misama i see what the issue was

i mean COME THE FUCK ON, i got more than half a bottle whiskey in me and still i ma facepalming right now.



WHAT IS THIS SHIT NOW

i didnt even realize that guy had a moot.
Dwafr fortress is such a hard game. i blame the lizards.



oh no. the lts thign i want to see right now. more people to worry about.



oh, there was a brigde under all thaos trinkets.
im kinda glad that i sold all of them. we have sitloads of metal armor and wepons now, and also animals and alohol.
And cheese.



The migrants are delt with through an accomodation exvacation procect.

i should stop trying to speak english when im drunk

also, i finanly know why ppl cant get there shit together near the food piles





BUSTIN MAKES ME FEEL GOOD

the spooks arent over thoguh.




pressing z proofs to be as helpful as smearing mayonnaise on a brick.
I DOTN EVEN HAVE A CAFE THERE STUPID GAME



i managed to lock the lunatic in some other guys room though.
man, this fort becomes less and less distrubing by the minuts.

call me the drunken master of fort manadgement.

things are acutally going way too well.i think i have to take another swig of whisjey.



i don't even need the dude anymore because i can depend on my own foresight.
some time before the other guy went insane i had a jeweller installed and i had even bought some gems form the caravan



uh oh.



THE DOOR
IT IS GONE
WHY



Gecko time is oficially over.

He managed to kill two of our soldiers and wound another two of them

WHAT ARE YOU DOING



DO NOT RECOVER THE WOUNDED
ARE YOU INSNANE



Clover is the idiot of the day. congraturations Clover!
i intended to wall the two wounded soldirs in and let them have their gecko nonsense

instead they carry them away and he walls himself in that room

im not getting him out of there. the next overseer can handle this.

also the moody guy is refusing to craft an artifact. we have no plant cloth and no pig tail seed. also no pig tails.

"nordinkel the drunken master of fortress management"

i just drank three more shots



BUT THATS OKAY.
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL



i'll juts hvae a new hopital built under the old one.


also i feel bad vor clover. lets have tat wll remvoed.

RIP kaliche



now can somebody pleas ebury him so Th4DwArfY1 can go sleep again thx



apparently they can'T

hope you like the smell of dead madman in your room Th4DwArfY1

Here come the tradesdorfs



i guess i shouldn't have traded all of my junk to the humans
oh well



what do i know man

this is beyond my understadning right now because i need to fucking drink just to stay sane in this fort
i just randomly spam down, right, + and - so this horrible screen gets out of my face



turns out we really need opossum leather

i'm okay with that now shoooo

Here's what they want for next year in case the next overseer actually cares about shit like that.
I'll just keep having useless souvenris made.



The new hospital is done. nobody will even notice that there has been another one.



i bought some pig tail seeds from the caravan, as well as more food and random crafting stuff

now we might acutally have some artifcats made, maybe.



NOT AGAIN

PLEASE

THIS FORT IS HORRIBLE, YOU WLIL DIE OR TURN GECKO

mos tlikely both

fine, have some rooms



the esiast motorical tasks ar starteing to become escapades

thats why i'm getting pissed at everything

good thing its almost winter so i have a full year done

no more alcohol after this for at least 2 days

for now i gotta empty that bottle

before i go i dig out a new dining hall though, because were at 44 dorfs )the year started with like 14(




also theres still people flippin ther shit even thoguh i busted all the gosts.

so lest just move everybody where theres no spooks going on

theres no way im gonna fix more probems in this state so i pass the rest of the yera fucking arondu with the new dining hall



why is everyboby going nots



YES
SUCCUSS FOR ONCE


please tell me who is ever gonna be able to use that fucking piece of shit
neve rmind. apparently that mace made out of solid lead weighs only 9 pounds or smth
other than that, really fucking uninspired
srsly underwhelming




oh my dear armok god of booze

IT IS DONE

I WILL NEVE HAVE TO WORR ABOUT GECKOS AGAIN

SO LONG SUCKERS

CLICK HERE FOR THE SAVE FILE

i hope i will ever recover from the hangover that is upon me tomorrow

[Shoruke]

GOD DAMMIT

I mean, um, really good turn  You actually managed to end with more Dwarves than you started with, good job

[Bobnova]

Omg, rofl, and stuff.

Interrupted by Sexy Lizard...  lol

I laughed through almost that entire post. Top notch Drunk Fortress, top notch!

[Random_Dragon]

Oh hell yes, that was epic.

You derped and let loose the weregecko I had locked up? Your fort is gonna be drowning in weregecko sauce next turn, especially with a THIRD one arriving from outside.

[Shakerag]

Oh wow.  That entire last update is quotable.  I was chuckling through the entire thing.  Masterfully done.

[TD1]

Yes.

I am rather partial to the smell of rotting madmen in the morning, thank you very much.

[Nordinkel]

http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=9879

You might need to update to 40.13 because i derped.