Crewedgears investigation -- spring reportThis is agent Adrian Roosevelt, of the Ministry of Not Dying Horribly special investigation unit. I have recently reached the destination of my newest mission, known as Crewedgears, a sprawling hill-seated duchy metropolis housing close to 200 souls.
My initial objectives are on par with any ministry intervention, save for an aditional objective:
1-Investigate the infrastructure of the fortress.
2-Report and improve on any security flaw
3-Optimize the fortress's efficiency and long-term organisation
4-Investigate the previous rulers of the fortress for any implication with a criminal, terrorist association.In order to operate unseen and unsuspected amidst the local crowd, I have infiltrated the most recent migration wave, presenting myself as ''Urist Dwarfperson'', a casual and unremarkable citizen of our glorious civilisation. I am accompanied by my assistant operative Emily, who will be mascarading as my wife for this operation, as well as our ''son'' Jared who is in fact a page responsible for all the paperwork and communications. My assumed identity as a Woodcutter should allow me to come and go through the city gates without raising suspicion, to contact my liason officer.
The duke of the place is known as Eldin00, and came to power only recently. While the investigation of his kind is paramount to my mission, interacting with the suspects so early would only raise suspicion. As such, I approached the duke as an eager civilian willing to help. ''The mountainhomes offer no possibility of advancement, so I came here hoping I could be mkore useful''. The duke was most happy to point out that the position of hammerer was open right now, due to... random events. As such I was promoted to nobility of Crewedgears very easily, which should legitimize my attempts to modify and perfect this fortress according to ministerial doctrines.
As I ask who is in charge of the fortress right now, I'm told ''nobody''. It is now the second month of spring, and nobody jhas stepped foward to claim the overseer hat. Many candidates were suggested, yet all of them mysteriously disapeared or rejected the title. Most suspect. I casually ask if they want me to take over until a better candidate comes foward, and they say ''sure''. Begin my inspection of the fortress proper.
* * * * *
Second month of spring, 132
Initial fortress evaluation.
Special agent Adrian Roosevelt, MNDH-Immediate dangers include 3 forgotten beast, thankfully locked by a bridge in the caverns. However, this bridge is connected to a lever, and any untimely activation by invaders, critters or tantruming citizens could destroy the fortress. Note to self, seal the caverns more tightly.
-The nobles-Initial food stockpiles dangerously low. I'm told we have plenty of ''other things'' in terms of meals, but by experience this number could include anything ranging from rotten meals to uncooked rock nuts. Booze surplus is somewhat low as well, considering the large volume of dwarves relying on it. I meet with the infamous ''TheCheeseMaker'', suspected of children genocide. While credited with the sealing of a major flood, andf the contingecy plans put in place around a deadly chasm, TheCheeseMaker is feared and hated amidst the population for his role as mass-murderer. surprisingly, he was never convicted of anything and people are ok having him around. My status as hammerer should give me plenty of opportunities to investigate his past actions once I'm done putting this place back on tracks. for now, TheCheeseMaker keeps telling me he can't make booze because he lacks barrels. A certain PsychoAngel, also a past overseer, is with him complaining of barrel shortage as well. Which is saying a lot considering that he's the manager and hasn't produced any more barrels. I suggest politely that maybe he should fill out orders for more barrels, as well as some glass pots. He respond that for now, he's busy making booze, but can't because he doesn't have any barrels.
The bookkeeper in place is called Gwolfsky2, and apparently claimed the office of the previous founder after said overseer seemingly pummeled to his death in the chasm, alongside his successor Salmeuk 2. none of the bodies have been retrieved, and as such the death of those two dwarves cannot be confirmed. The timely appearance of this ''Gwoflsky2'' fellow right after the first one ''vanished'' leads me to believe that the original overseers tried to stage their deaths in order to avoid the blame of poor management. When I ask gwolfsky2 if we have any wood, he tells me that ''maybe''. He isn't sure. He hasn't been keeping track of the stocks much.
Wether the cast of previous overseers have encrusted themselves into nobility and administration jobs to better sabotage this fortress, or they are actually just genuine, legit incompetents.
-Wealth-There seems to be a large amount of adamantine mined in this fortress. A lot of it was processed into wafers, but about 65 threads are still stashed in the hospital, ready to be inadvertantly used for surgery. Of note is the proximity of the spire to the actual fortress. Should anything pierce the spire, or the magma sea nearby, there doesn't seem to be anything stopping creatures from running upstairs using the conveniently located 3x3 staircase. Setting up contingency for the adamantine mine would be good.
There seems to also be a lot of gold veins in this area. The various levels dug around the spire reveal many ore deposits, so this structure would double very well as a gold mining operation. I ask how many iddlers we have, and someone responds ''68''. Well, it is settled, we will acquire these gold veins. the current stocks are at 150 bars, but crafting any well-furnished room will eat rhough that very rapidly.
A long tunnel in the caverns reveals various ore and gem clusters. this tunnel serves no purpose, leads nowhere, and yet it was deemed necessary for it to be sealed. I designate the area re-opened, and the ores mined within the season. With the caverns offline, there is no point wasting perfectly good ressources.
-Health and safety-In the caverns alone, I locate about 5 areas where corpses are floating in underwater lakes. nobody can tell me why this is. Obviously the caverns being off-limit for now will prevent further accidents in this section, but I can't help but wonder if gross incompetence or malice from some noble could be responsible. If so, sealing the caverns won't prevent more horrible deaths.
The main hospital was apparently built by PsychoAngel, self proclaimed grand Soaper. For someone who dedicated his job to making people healthy and clean, he sure didnt think things through. A bunch of beds are lying on one side of a massive unsupported room, with traction benches and medical supplies at the opposite side. This is a great way to maximize disease propagation. the second someone starts exhuming miasma or blood or vomit, ten nearby patients will be swimming in it.
Upstairs there is a pool, and it is filled with a corpse, and that's where the fresh water comes from for the well. healthy.
The graveyard for Crewedgears is filled with mushrooms and vegetation. I applaud the design which goes beyond
''fill a room tight-packed with all the coffins'', ut trees and clay is very undwarven. An actual mausoleum made of non-clay could be a good investment.
In fact, there are also fungi and moss and clay and wet patches of sand on the main level. The central hallway is essentially a moist, clay-covered area upon which moss grows freely, on top of which people have been discarding all the bolt and arrows they could find. Safe.
-Infrastructure and industry-The general construction norms of this fortress are absurdly lacking. The first major room I come across seems to be dangerously unsupported by anything, and serves only to house randomly-placed masonry workshops that have all been forbidden. I order the workshops deconstructed, and more supporting structures put in place. Since we have a lot of gold incoming, It seems like a good idea to build the pillars out of massive gold, for extra happiness potential. the local population is less likely to object the workloads i suggest if it involves putting shinies everywhere.
(Suggested initial fix for structural integrity)
Crewedgear has a serious lack of stockpiles. as a result, many boulders litter the hallways and newly-excavated rooms, and the 65 idlers do not move them. I've designated some pointless rooms for storage of stone boulders. In order to maximize efficiency, I will place various stockpiles on different levels, to avoid people moving blocks from the mines to the surface. This should give some of the dwarves on break a bit of work.
Another room filled with random, forbidden mason workshops. Vestiges of the flooding crysis, I'm sure, but useless nowadays. I order them deconstructed, as mason workshops are by definition more useful nearby actual stone stockpiles.
At the heart of the fortress is this room. What purpose does it serve, I don't know. I'll tell you what it is, tho. this is both our new central masonry area, and also the worst cave-in hazard I've seen in years.
I scribble some blueprints for modifications, as I am a certified auxilliary architect from the dwarven government. We'll seal the current small entrance, which can't support traffic. The large room will be divided in three. a central corridor leading to various workshops (made of gold, sure) as well as two rows of pillars (made of gold) to support the roof and mark the space meant for stone stockpiles on each side. As the stockpiles fill, we'll add block, gems and additional stone stockpiles along the sides, and appropriate workshops next to them.
This is an interesting construction project. I mean, it serves no purpose and simply weakens the mountain's structure, and it cannot be reached at all, but it's... interesting.
Right next to it, across the river, one can find a water power plant, which has been turned off recently, mostly because the fortress has nothing to power. Looking at this area, one is almost lead to believe that the fortress can, actually, be turned into a productive beacon of living standarts and technology. Then there's the level nearby. That's the thing that'll need a special section.
-Housing-How to write this down...
The largest project of this fortress at the moment is a new housing district, consisting of two hundred rooms, each connected to the previous one in the middle. Instead of spirraling out from the central staircase, or concentrating around a main area or dinning hall, the rooms just go in one random direction, even further, and won't look back. This means that the farthest dwarves must travel absurd lenghts to reach their bedroom, as well as step trough the living space of up to nine other couples, while the dwarves lucky enough to be housed near the staircase will be suffering the constant traffic of their neighbors, and un-acceptable amounts of noise.
In comparison, the housing district right asbove this seems to be more compact and well-planned, with actual corridors leading to the different bedrooms. Sure, those bedrooms are smaller, but they are still more spacious than the dreadful 1x2 jail cells I've seen in other fortresses.
-Special section for special stupid-What.
The.
Fuck.
it's not just the fact that someone hollowed an entire section of the mountain, creating the greatest gravitational deathtrap known to dwarfkind. This general
''fuck it just dig everything down wherever'' attitude has been applied to basically the whole fortress. This, right here, is the level between the farms and the dinning room. you may notice it contaisn both a random mining project, as well as an empty giant room that can only be reached by going through every single other section of the level. Do we not have enough pointless giant rooms already, lying around in every fucking section of the fortress.
The decent housing section is somewhat undermined by the fact that half of it has been converted into a mining project in the middle of the fortress, again. Some miners tell me they have to continue, because that's where they'll find coke-bearing ores, and we need more of it.
No, we don't. The only use for that coke in a fortress with magma forges, is to produce steel. and we already have enough for a thousand bars at least.
And that's counting the coke that we already have. In addition to the steel we also have. In addition to the adamantine we also have, and the fact that we'll probably be favoring candy items over steel equipment once the metalworkers are qualified.
Long story short, please stop turning the core section of the fortress into swiss cheese.
Speaking of which, in the middle of the dinning area, there is a new 2-z-high area that's being dug as I write this. nobody knows why. Armok knows we already have plenty of random giant rooms lying around, thanks to the corridor 7 meters away leading to a fully-hollowed level of the mountain. I trace back some of those hollowing projects back to Gwolfsky, thanks to this piece of evidence from an older case:
Incriminating screenshotIn any case, this new room is now a stupid stone stockpile, existing solely for the purpose of containing the boulders created by it's creation.
Of special note is this project, a magnificient shooting tower meant to snipe our enemies from above. This is a very beautiful tower, and the general layout of the courtyard is actually nice. Plenty of room, and grass for pastured animals, and spare room for more projects and extra farms. here's the main flaw of it all tho.
The shooting tower is in the middle of the courtyard. That means that it is really good at shooting down opponents who have
already breached our defenses.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Spring Report, Crewedgear
Special agent Adrian Roosevelt, Ministry of Not Dying HorriblyAs mentionned in my initial evaluation of the fortress, crewedgears suffers from various crippling issues, ranging from blatant disorganisation, poor life quality, up to potential sabotage and terrorism by the local nobles. My investigation of the previous overseers will begin shortly, but the two months of spring i was given were spent trying to rectify the situation. As i write this every member of the fortress is non-idler and contributing to the hauling or improvement of the infrastructure. here are the highlights, as of the fourth month, 132:
A new crypt has been designed, more dwarven in style and materials. It should house 24 coffins for the time being, along with an associated slab. there is room for additional wings to the back and sides, in case of horrible Deaths Waves. Should this be the case (ad i hope not) then this central room can sprawl into a vast and fancy catacomb complex.
The area has been excavated, but none of the engravers are available, as they focus their attention on the Mountainfall Halls, or the stupid interconnected bedrooms. Need to tell them to stop that.
The structural integrity of the mountain being at risk, I've designated some pillars. Not sure it'll be enough. the area around the edges will temporarily store the countless boulders left by this pointless and suicidal mining operation. Otherwise, the haulers will die of old age before this fortress is in order.
The engravers have been relocated to the crypt, and the actual important areas of the fortress. Aside from that, I've noticed countless furnitures lying on the ground instead of being hauled, which hints at a lack of appropriate stockpiles. As such, the terrible bedrooms have been converted into furniture storing for the time being.
The new storing facility fills up rather quickly, and I still don't know how many bags and chairs are cluttering their workshops still. better add up more rooms to this facility.
Furniture central is expanded a third time after a month, and the idle workers are sent to replace the mossy floor with stone blocks.
To compensate the declassification of this terrible housing project, I've designated new rooms, the first of many. They are spacious enough, connect directly to a staircase which leads to a dinning hall, and they are made of stone, thus engreveable.
The new design for the hospital is now online, with beds spread out equally to avoid contagion. Some are next to a traction bench, while the rooms to the sides are equipped with tables for surgery.
Gwolfsky2 still can't tell me if we have logs or not, and the other nobles keep complaining of barrel shortage, so I've spent some weeks cutting trees outside to keep my woodcutter cover up.
Three births occured, including the duke's older sister, bringing forth to the world a young son.
As the season finish, our stores are left with little to no fresh uncooked food, and a declining supply of booze. I order many dwarves to produce stone crafts, hoping to lower our stocks and provide trading goods for the human caravan. This summer should focus on expanding our food production and acquiring new sources of nutrition, to better accommodate our incredibly large population.
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