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[Uzu Bash]

I'm in the final stretch of my waterworks. The pumpstack is complete, filling the interior wells and supplying mill power. The pumps were done in green glass, with a dacite block casing. From the top water will split between the dead man's drop, giving me the option of drowning or obsidian-casting trapped invaders, and an aqueduct that will flow to the surface farm, replacing the well with flowing water, perhaps fishable. Everything on the surface is being constructed from marble block.

And in the other direction, the obsidian highway has been dug as deep as it's going until I can send an expedition team down. Seven dwarves, just like an embark team, only more skilled, stronger, and better equipped. They'll need it, since there are already three beasts lurking down there, as well as giant cave spiders. Oddly, there's no vegetation at all, so they'll be without lumber or foraging. When they scratch out a settlement, then the road will follow accordingly.

[veok]

Internet Kraken -- please tell me there's some compiled history of townbrush?

[Beardless]

Frustratingly, the disease that causes spontaneous dwarven combustion does not appear to affect the kobolds. So the furry little bastards didn't pay for their greed by collapsing into bloody lumps of gore, as I had hoped. So I can't do anything but watch them party inside Townbrush, steal my artifacts, and chase the few Elves that haven't been stabbed yet.

Dang. And I thought spontaneous collapse into component bodyparts was bad... It seems that in Townbrush, there is no limit to how low you can go.

[Eric Blank]

My gemcutter just went fey, and I just so happen to have a faint yellow diamond on hand! Everything else forbidden!

He only needs logs, silk, body parts, more silk, more body parts... I need shell, probably.

Construction has begun! I assumed incorrectly, and he got a hold of two more rough gems, (emeralds no less, my miners are apparently taking this moment to become even more heroic!) which is apparently what he wanted.

Ingredients include;
1 Rough Faint Yellow Diamond         -120db
2 Rough Emeralds                         -120db
15 Stray Cow Bone (stacked)         -0db
1 +Moss Spider Silk Cloth+ (mod)    -31db
1 Tower Cap Logs                        -3db
1 -Moss Spider Silk Cloth- (mod)     -24db
63 Stray Elephant Bones (stacked)  -0db
1 Iron Bars                                  -50db

This should be good. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 
What?

Least valuable artifact ever? Worthy of title "most destructive object known to dwarves" much?
This is 100% real.

Extra fuck? 'Magic missile' is a modded material i have which has a higher boiling point than it's forced temperature. This is more than likely to explode as soon as I unpause it.

It's value just decreased to -1503550448db
WHAT THE HELL? It already sent my fortress value through the floor so hard it knocked Satan unconscious!

[Uzu Bash]

The cunning little bastards have managed to adopt before I could get them all into cages. Most of them adopted children and babies, which I can't decide if that's good or bad; on one hand they could be around potentially for ages now, on the other, the owners will get over their deaths with less incident.

One of the oldest cats, dragging itself pathetically around with it's broken spine, belongs to my oldest hammerlord, a soldier who had serious temper issues before he got the cat. When I checked up on him, I found that he now has 10 cats! Damn, I like cats, but that's outrageous.

But my FPS hasn't been hurt by it, so I can't complain about catsplosion yet.

[Pukako]

Roastedcanyons is going swimmingly - furnaces - a few dozen or so - safely clustered around the magma pool at level -28 (from the ground, that is), deforestation rampart upstairs, new flood of migrants has it at 96 dwarves, second squad just formed.  Only worried I'll run out of ore to smelt soon.  Plan to level and mine out the first set of caverns soon, and start a war with the Fishmen. Are their blowgunners dangerous?

Had the last elven merchant storm off as I must have offered him a crutch or something - catapulted him a little way with a bridge, and he fled leaving a good bunch of stuff behind.  This lot of elves, triggered the bridge as they were coming in (only got the last one, as my dwarves were streaming back into the confines of their burrow as the first ones entered) but now all his goodies are scattered around (and on top of) my front walls.  Have to [forbid] it, as the little vandals are looting in preference to bringing out the microlite piccolos for some honest trading, and it also doesn't feel right to loot until the merchants leave.

Hopefully they'll attack me soon, as I'm working on my weapon trap designs.  The last one worked so well on a goblin that it "lost grip on it's [lion leather loincloth]" - that's a nice mental image....

[kardwill]

Really, that's just great! Good job. The original post was hilarious on it's own, but that's just... Awesome.

(Blushing) Thanks

Half the fun of this game is watching events unfold in the fort, and then figuring why those things happened 

[NewSheoth]

Hey, a kobold thief! I'll send my fledgeling military of a half-dozen dwarves after him, get some practice, y'know?

Oh. Kobold ambush. Two full squads of archers. Trapavoid archers.

The battle's going poorly, so I draft a few haulers and... wait, what? A goblin ambush? At the same time? Hey, the more the merrier, right?

"THE FORGOTTEN BEAST WHATSISNAME HAS ARRIVED. Also, please note the gap in the wall around your farms."

Um... okay, this might be getting a little out of ha-"Winter is upon you! AUTOSAVE!"

What.

Crouched near the campfire, the goblin drew a crude map in the muddy soil, then looked at his guest. « If we charge in, the traps here will butcher us. So, d’ya ‘bolds have any way to draw them out ?
- Traps ? Feh ! » scoffed the kobold shaman, his crest clicking as he shaked his head. « Traps are no trouble for kobold ! Ichilzikkys here enter any fortress, trap or not. He enters, he stabs a dwarf, he runs. Not run too fast, so even the steelskins can follow.
- And then you guys pincushion them from here, and... here. If they run, you follow them while firing in their backs, and you open the doors for us. If they charge, My swordgoblins will leap from cover to engage them and protect yah scaly hides.
- Steelskin warriors will not flee. They not know how to. They not right in head. But if they close doors while we ... pin-caution the warriors, what we do ? Steel armor and weapons is good, but the shiny stuff and the food are inside. And the stout ones can build more steelskins if we not kill them all. If we not kill them all, we never take back the land they stole. »
The goblin bandit leader grinned, and looked at a clay idol above the campfire. An eldritch horror from times past, that the goblins did worship since the Dawn. If you knew the right sacrifices, the right rituals, at the right time, even the gods could becom weapon of war. « I have already a... plan for this. The dwarves will regret that there are no more exits to their fortress. Just make sure that your ‘bolds are ready to strike during winter solstice night... So do we have an alliance with you lizards, or not ? »

Pure. Awesome.
Really, that's just great! Good job. The original post was hilarious on it's own, but that's just... Awesome.

I second that opinion. Threetoe just got himself a rival storywriter.

[Sphalerite]

Success!  My ocean sieving device has succeeded in capturing a male sea serpent.  Now I just need a female and I can start my sea serpent farm.

Also have captured various sharks and multiple milkfish, tuna, and bluefish.  I'm thinking once I get glass production going to build a proper aquarium.

[Yoink]

Anyway, at Fortress Zanorkivish, we're just trying to hold back the armies of zombie warthogs surrounding us, led by the occasional zombie tiger-man, or giant tiger. The military is still very green and underequipped, but quite enthusiastic, making do with what cheap wooden weapons they have.
Once they've pushed them back, I'll put them to work building a butcher shop- Maybe the meat is rotted, but the bone should still be useful! Guess we'll find out...

[GaxkangtheUnbound]

The draconian migrants brought a breeding pair of giant cave spiders!

[Uzu Bash]

Did I just have a year of peace? No new beasts, no goblin invasion, just a couple of thieves who fled as quickly as they were discovered. No syndrome deaths, not even trails of puke leading to the hospital. Oops, there it goes:

Miners were channeling out the obsidian works when a few irregular miners and stone haulers got off guard duty, and apparently they hadn't touched water in ages. Dunno who it was, but when they got into the 3/7 water, pages of smeared blood turned into pools on the floor, mingling with the now gushing blood of four of the dwarves. I couldn't even find the extract, so perhaps their skins were held together with scabs that simply dissolved. Only four dead, and I had started cranking out the coffins when I felt it got too quiet, so there were more than enough available.

Whoever it was must've been around long enough to have contact with the beast, but not so long that their clothes had disintegrated. Either that or someone got hand-me-down gear. Maybe I need a method to flush the equipment rooms instead.

[Encased in burning magma]

The draconian migrants brought a breeding pair of giant cave spiders!

I don't think they breed in vanilla...

[GaxkangtheUnbound]

The draconian migrants brought a breeding pair of giant cave spiders!

I don't think they breed in vanilla...

I plan to add "GCS hatchlings".
Then, I will cull entire goblin armies with mass webbings and spider feasts.

[Encased in burning magma]

The draconian migrants brought a breeding pair of giant cave spiders!

I don't think they breed in vanilla...

I plan to add "GCS hatchlings".
Then, I will cull entire goblin armies with mass webbings and spider feasts.

Also heard you can web FB's into cage traps.