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Roll back to before Taupe's disastrous turn

Keep going and see what happens

Let it die

[Mr Frog]

Awesome. I look forward to militarization.

I honestly wasn't sad at all about not getting all the military stuff up on my turn, because I knew it'd be the equivalent of handing a beaver a whole fucking forest and whispering seductively: "It's all yours, do as you wish"


E: Final writeup a third done.

E2: Heading to bed now. Progress on writeup is approx. 75%, not counting potential editing since there's a lot here I'm not sure of.

[Mr Frog]

Spoiler: A Secret Letter (click to show/hide)

I hope this message finds you all well. The plan has so far been a rousing success. As expected, they believe that it was the result of a genuine clerical error and the man up top is too pig-headed to rescind the decision, even though it will likely result in disaster. Assuming the ladies play to our expectations, our problem will likely resolve itself within the next decade at most, given that the leadership here manages to build up a plausible threat. Fortunately, the current one looks like he won't last much longer. I'll see what I can do to ensure that all goes smoothly.

-- Herpes

Proper update to come probably pretty soon.

E: Realised something made zero sense so I fixed it a bit.

[Mr Frog]

4 Moonstone 201

I still haven't found the HEMatite, but I know it's there! It has to be there! All the dwarves will be SO HAPPY when I find it and it has to be there!


7 Moonstone 201

The merchants are going to leave pretty soon! I've decided, though, that I'm going to stay here! The other dwarves need me here, and my Ma and Pa are going to be so proud of me when they find out I'm finally a hero like they wanted!! It's going to be so much fun! Hahaha! It's totally not because the guards were threatening to have me charged with treason and executed on the spot if I kept trying to climb into the wagons!!!!!!


8 Moonstone 201



See? I said there was hematite! That silly Wolf said I wasn't even looking, but I was, and I found it! He's going to be so happy when he hears about this!

Noel's been asking me odd questions about R~     He seems to think she's dead! That's not right, though. I know she's still alive somewhere, and everyone will be so happy when she comes back from the trip she's been sent on! I sent her for a trip! She'll be back soon!!!


11 Moonstone 201



I went allllll the way up to the workshop level to help with the f~  , and guess what? The liaison followed me allll the way up, too! He really wants to talk to me about how we've been doing! I want to talk too, because I want to tell the King all about the good we've done here, but I'm too busy! Too busy! Hahahaha! He keeps winking at all the girls as we pass by! What a silly guy!!!

The merchants are packing up and leaving! Boy, will they have some cool stories to tell of this place! The weather here is fabulous! The pink sky and the rusty clouds just complement each other like... like two foods that taste really good together!!! I BET WHATSHISNAME COULD COME UP WITH A GOOD SIMI-THINGY FOR THAT!!!!!!!! MAYBE I'LL ASK HIM!!


13 Moonstone 201

I've put in an order for a couple of wheelbarrows, since we'll need them to haul up alllll the ore I'm going to dig up for the fort! Maybe that vein's going to go on forever and we'll be able to make all the armor we could possibly want! On the same note, I've ordered a stockpile for bars to be dug out across from the forges:



I'm going to fill it all up and everyone will be so proud of me that they'll totally forget alllll about Whatshisname!

That liaison's still following me! He's such a funny guy! Sometimes I have to climb around him to get through tunnels while hauling stones! It's not a big deal, though! I'm sure he's not wasting too much time and there won't be aaaaaaaaaaaaany sort of horrible flesh-ripping disaster because of him!!!!!

Also, he keeps nodding at Splint as we pass by him, saying things like "Excellent work, commander" and "We thank you for your leadership." HAhaha! That's right! SPLint is a better leader than me! The liaison is sO OBSERVANT!!


20 Moonstone 201

I finished the stockpile room! There's a bar stockpile over here and a pile for hematite rocks over there! I'm such a good organiser!!!! I'm such a good organiser that I'm also putting in an order to cut down trees outside and to finally get rid of that awful old wagon that brought us here:



Part of me wants to burn it BUT I GUESS WE NEED WOOD FOR SHIELDS RIGHT NOW so I just ask for it to be taken apart so we can use the scraps!!!! I'm so smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIght after I gave the order, the liaison tackled me to the ground and started the discussion I've been avoiding too busy to deal with until now:



I asked him why we were sent here, and he told me that it's because of a clerical error! I wasn't supposed to be the expedition leader and we weren't supposed to even come here in the first place! Hahahaha! Isn't that funny!?!?!!? We've been stuck all the way out here in the heart of fucking darkness because some silly little clerk filed a form wrong!!!! FUNNY HOW FATE WORKS LIKE THAT, HUH!?

OH! OH! And that's not all! Apparently, since we've been doing so well for ourselves out here, His Gaudiness says we might as well stay! Isn't that fun! I get to stay out here with the evil clouds and the freakish animals and the no decent toilets and the ~      and show everyone how good I am at being a hero even though I have no fighting ability or military experience and I keep fucking things up left and right! Won't that just be SO MUCH FUN!?

He then asked me what we wanted from the caravan next year!!! I just ask for some leather and spider silk and sapphires to make ghost-proof undergarments PRETTY CLOTHES from, since we already have alllllll the iron ore we could possibly want!!! RIGHT?

Then he told me what the Mountainhomes will need from us:



I'll have to make sure to make lots and lots and lots of leather waterskins to please His Gaudiness! Not sure why he needs it but if he wants it then I should make it! HAPPY KING, HaPPY KINGDOM, right?

The liaison winked at Lizzy and asked her to write him as he left! He's such a nice guy!! She seemed a bit weirded out, though, and muttered something under her breath! SIlly Lizzy!


23 Moonstone 201

I set up a bowyer's shop in the carpentry room! We don't actually have any bowyers, but we do have ImagoDeo who I asked very very politely to give it his best shot because if he doesn't we'll all be killed but tHAT WON't happen because I know he's going to try his very har~    hardest!


26 Moonstone

I just NOTiced that somebody's been filling up our bar stockpile with stone blocks! THAT'S not where it goes!!!:



Apparently that's stan~~  Standard procedure for a bar pile, and I didn't specify any DIFferently! HAHAHA! That's so funny! Why DOes nobody tell me these things? It sure is funny!

Also, I'm pretty sure we can make crossbow bolts out of bone! I think we can get bones from a butcher's shop, so I'm carving out a little area for that and also a place close by for bone carving, since I WANT to give the butchers their space:



Oh, those crazy butchers!!!


2 Opal 201

The butcher's rooom is ALL finished! Ribbon gets to make the bones and Lizzy gets to make the leather! I'm sure Lizzy was SO HAPPY to finally have something to do besides clean the dining hall!! It must be TERRIBLE to have no respo~  nsibilities!!! SHe didn't LOOK very happy, or much of anything at all, but I'm sure sHE WAS VERY HAPPY on the inside!

I've been getting a lot of tummyaches lately... so I went to see the doctor! Except we don't have a doctor!! Or even a hospital!! BECAUSE I NEVER installed one!! Hahahaha! So I just stared at the wall and chewed on some cave moss for a few hours days HOWEVER LONG! It made me feel funny!!


7 Opal 201

I keep running into Whatshisname hauling things when he has SO MANY other things to be doing!!! I TOLD him to stop, since he's too impo~    to be bothering with silly things like moving rocks that even an idiot like me could do!


9 Opal 201

Now I've dug up enough hematite for us to begin smelting all of it! EXCEPT WE don't have a smelter!! So I asked Wolf to do it! Now we have a smelter!


14 Opal 201

One of those happy little clouds just drifted in, while Whatshisname's busy wandering around outside cutting wood! It doesn't seem to be heading towards us, though, so I DON't bother telling him to come in. He'll be FINE!

WE're gonna be smelting SO MUCH IRON soon, so I also put in an order for 10 bins to be made once Whatshisname gets done with all the other stuff he needs to do! It sure must be tough to be him!

Also, we're all done building the butchery, so



we can make some bones now! Ribbon brings the puppies to the butchery:



She seems super upset for some reason!? I w~  wonder why?



We're just making bones, after all! It's not like we're k~        them or anything!!! Nobody's dying in this fort!!! Not on my watch!!!

Also, I think I should ask her if she has any spare pencils! I seem to have lost all of mine!!! WEIRD!


19 Opal 201

I asked Lizzy to make us some bone BOlts since she still looks kinda mopey! NOBODY can mope here on my watch, nope! I will make sure everyone here is SMILING! Even the people who neVER, EVER smile! EVER!


22 Opal 201

We have so many plump helmets! Jeff's been working so super hard! I'm so proud!!!



Since we have so many plump helmets, I asked Jeff to plant some pig tails instead next growing season, and he was all, "Sure, bruh!" He's so nice! He also asked me about some kind of plant I've never heard of, and if I managed to "score any" off the wagon! I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, and he looked so sad he waSN'T UPSET AT ALL! He doesn't hate me at all for forgetting such an important plant and not even knowing what it was! IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE!! I'M FINE!!!


25 Opal 201

I noticed that our bar stockpile still didn't have any bars in it yet! Turns out Wolf was busy making crossbows at the bowyers', and I couldn't just tell him to STOP, so I went to check on Lizzy since she's also in charge of smelting, and



Ribbon says I just starting screaming after that, but that's silly! I wouldn't do something SO EMbarrassing! Besides, I'd remember doing something silly like that! While she was there, I asked her to go downstairs and help with the smelting operations. She looked confused, but she went and did it. SHe's such a hard worker! Everyone must like HER!

My throat feels really dry... gonna go get a drink! Hahaha!


2 Obsidian 201

We're going to make so much armor that we'll need a better place to put it all! I drew out a place behind the barracks to make a stockpile:



Splint was looking at me all weird as I came in, like I was gonna attack him or something! Silly Splint! I'm not a parrot! I'm completely-fine! I'm the Overseer! I can't do something silly like that! I have to be strong! I can't do something silly like that!

I put in an order for some wooden shields, to save us some metal! Whatshisname sure is busy these days!


7 Obsidian 201

Guess what!? WE HAVE CROSSBOWS!!! Isn't that cool!? I went around asking if anyone around here had crossbow experience and it looked like pisskop and Wolf had crossbow experience so GUESS WHAT??? WE HAVE A CROSSBOW UNIT! Yayyyy!!:



They're going to shooooot allllllllllllllllllll of the monsters for us!!! And then they'll be DEAD! Maybe they should shoot Rakust too so that she'll SHUT UP!!


11 Obsidian 201

We have sooo many iron bars now that I've given the order for us to start making suits of armor!! We'll have mail shirts and breastplates and gauntlets and helmets and greaves and high boots for EVERYBODY soon and everybody will be SO HAPPY with me for keeping them and they'll all stand and cheer and call me a hero and then MA AND PA will show up and say they're sorry for all those terrible things they said to me and then we'll all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER


19 Obsidian 201

Our stuff is vanishing



WHERE DID IT GO!? We can just make some more armor with all the ore we have now, but WHERE DID IT GO!??

Also, I was just told that... that we don't actually have an armorer, and we haven't been making the armor we need!! Except that's not true because I just TOLD GWOLFto go do it! Silly people!!!


24 Obsidian 201

I... I'm going to go make some rock pots now! Nobody talk to me! I need to FOCUS! and there's already so much NOISE here!

Before I went, I asked Whatshisname to smooth the dining hall and make it PRETTY so that everyone will be HAPPY and like him ME:



Also, one of the dogs gave birth to three little puppies today! They're so cute!! I asked the little boy puppy to ~    help us make some bones, and you know what, diary!? HE SAID YES!!! He'll help us! Oh, I love it when we ALL WORK together!!!


28 Obsidian 201

Dear diary, I have a confession to make, just for you...

See, the truth is...

I've been hiding it really WELL, but...

Nobody knows yet, but you SEE...

I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING VERY WELL LATELY!!!! Isn't that CRAZY!? After all, I'm such a HERO!!! But I guess even HEROES need breaks sometimes!!! Good thing i REMEMBER what the liaison said about Splint's LEADERSHIP in the battle of SOmething-or-other!! I think I have an idea, diary!!

I found Splint when he was sleeping and left a sticky-note on his face saying that he was the new Overseer! Not for very long!!! JUsT for a year or so!! I didn't want this note to get lost like the last one, though, since that WAS SO EMBARrassing, so I put another note on him saying the same thing!! And another and another and another and another!! I put STicky notes ALLLLLLLLLL over him! That'll make sure the message gets through! I feel better already knowing that the fort's in such CAPABLE HANDS!!!

I think I'm going to go curl up in the forges for a bit... it's sO WARm there, and I can still hear Rakust a little underneath! She's SO SUPER NICE once you get to know her! Too bad I NEVER HAD THE chance UNTIL NOW! But now I have LOTS AND lots of TIME!

[Mr Frog]

...And so endeth my turn.

Deaths so far: 1
Deaths resulting from any of the nasty things I've added: 0
Units of booze consumed: Innumerable
Odds I've been misgendering the liaison the whole time: Literally 50/50

I accidentally messed up a few images; those will get fixed fairly-shortly. Uploading the save promptly.

[Gwolfski]

i have a tiny request: make ny dorf miner/metalworker/engraver pls (mining, all of metalworking and stone detailing)

[Mr Frog]

Here's the save. You're up, Splint!

[cherry-hearts]

@Mr Frog: You've got some typos in your write up; it looks like your shift-key got jammed at certain points. You should fix that.

Also:

Odds I've been misgendering the liaison the whole time: Literally 50/50

That's liberal-talk; don't use it.

[Gwolfski]

i wanna be duke if we get a ducky right now!!!!!

i am also asking for a massive favour. if we ever become a duchy, i would like to be the duke pls

[Mr Frog]

i am also asking for a massive favour. if we ever become a duchy, i would like to be the duke pls

Hell to the noThat would probably not be a good idea, we need at least one miner who isn't a raving lunatic.

E: Came off as a bit more confrontational than expected.

[Monitor Lisard]

At last, we have arrived! A nice fresh start for me...  Even though this mosquito-ridden shithole in the middle of nowhere was not the best option indeed. Ugh, that Tosid bitch screwed me over yet again! Wrote me down as a fisherdwarf! Knowing the surroundings (bitchy hags and [erased] territories to be accurate), this must be some kind of military outpost... I am so-o fucked. Being a ballista fodder dwarf was not a part of my plan.

On the other note, I forsee the arrival of many muscular beard bearers. If this place takes off, a good bit of honest dwarves will come here seeking for a job and a good brawl. In that case... Well, I am really looking forward to it.

Notable dwarves:
The current overseer, Mr Frog. No full stop, if I understand correctly. In short - he's a friggin ruin, a dwarf that has seen some shit in his life, and I mean real shit, not some mundane werelizards or something. His shifty eyes- If I wasn't scared of everything, I'd be scared of him, at least.

Josh No, Jeff. He looks and smells like a college dwarf. That's him, pretty much.

Ribbon, a cheerful gal... Well, didn't really get to know her much. She seems pretty sophisticated, though.

Splint. He uncannily resembles my brother... Not that I wanted to have an intercourse with my brother. Anyway, all warriors might behave like that... Or is it a jarhead thing? Not sure. I should ask him if he used to be in the Corps.

Well, that's it, pretty much. Right now I'm mostly busy hauling shit around, processing puppy hides and crafting some odds-and-ends for the fortress, a but who knows, I might get a promotion.




I hardly know anything about my and other dwarves, so this text might end up having a ton of inconsistencies.

[Taupe]

The jungle was... disquieting. Everyone on the journey would agree. On the initial days of travel a few dwarves had complained of the area, mentionning how it was too close to a few cursed areas, too close to THEM. Was it just fear of what lurked ahead that scared the travellers so? The soldier believed it at first. He had heard the tales of battle against those who dwelled in the southern mountain, and they weren't pretty. Just knowing one could have roamed out of the area and into that jungle was enough to scare anyone, even a toughened warrior. ''We'll be fine, the jungle is big. Even if one of THEM is in it, the chances of stumbling upon it were null. It was his duty to defend the wagons, and as such he tried to retain a calm demeanor. ''If I look stressed, then they will be too.'' He had been doing a good job of it until recently.

But there was no denying it now. it wasn't just the proximity of the evil mountains. this jungle had an evil of it's own. It was palpable; a sort of tangible aura, that floated in the air and stuck to your skin like humidity. They had seen the corpses, mutilated things left from what the guiding ranger claimed were dingos and gibbons. Whatever did the deed was big, and strong, and most likely crazy as shit. ''What kind of creature in a jungle would attack animals, but not eat them?'' asked the ranger, half to himself. The warrior knew the answer. ''The kind we must not stumble upon''. And then there were the mutated, ominous patches of trees and bushes, twisted and corrupt...

''So tell me again why we need to go there? one of the migrants asked. I heard the place is cursed.
-Is there a settlement in the dwarven kingdom that nobody claim is cursed? another replied.
-Quiet, you two, he simply told them, as he tried to focus on something he heard.
-No really, I heard the place isn't even supposed to exist, that it was just a misunderstanding. the first migrant went on.
-If everyone knew it was a mistake and that was true, we wouldn't be on our way, duh! said a fat, motherly cook.
-Silly woman, if you had a dish that you made by mistake would you threw it away or serve it? Obviously the king ain't gonna waste some ressources, cause...
-QUIET! he shouted at them, this time reaching for his weapon.

The migrant stood silent for a moment, then mumbled ''What the hell, we were just...''. The soldier paid him no mind, instead focusing on what was obviously following them. The ranger had heard it too, drawing his crossbow and cranking a bolt. Obviously the lad had a different course of action in mind. He made sign for the wagon driver to slow down, so he could investigate.

''Soldier, you come with me, for protection.
-Like Armok's blood I am. We are not stopping.
-What a fighter you are, then. I wasn't aware we had a coward to protect us.''

Everyone stood there, watching as the argument had drastically shifted to the two warriors, staring at each other. Tension was palpable. like the heat. Like the wrongness that floated in the Jungle of Omens. Everyone was silent for a moment. Everything was silent. it was like that, before a battle. The calm before the storm, with every dwarf, every foe, lying in wait, until chaos erupted.  that's when it struck him. There is no sound in this area, save for whatever is in these trees. No birds, no bugs...

''Well, the ranger said, I see you are too scared to even answer.'' He jumped off the wagon, and started looking for tracks, approaching the cover of trees.

 ''We have to go'' the warrior whispered to the wagon rider.
-What?
-Go. Now. Fuck this guy...''

Then it came out. A huge, mutated , grotesque monkey, at least 9 feet tall and bulkier than the mightiest dwarf. It started running toward the ranger, crushing trees and overgrownt stumps along the way, with only bloodlust in his eyes. His claws were covered in blood, full of fur and fleshy bits drying up like it was nothing. The ranger was too far to be saved, Taupe knew. If they waited for him they were dead.

''GO NOW'' He screamed. This time the wagon driver didn't argue. The bulls realy didn't need a signal, anyway. The sounds this thing made, it told them everything their survival instincts needed to know.

''WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? screamed some of the travellers.
-That ranger wanted to know. Anyone else wants to adopt his plan?''

The dwarves stood silent, shaken and confused. The wagons were filled with the sound of trampling bulls and broken branches. Over it all, one could hear the faint screams of a dwarf, and the roars... Only after the encounter was miles away did anyone talk again, realising they had lost their only competent guide. They had a map, but this jungle was a clusterfuck. Getting to Clobbermountains would be an interesting trek, he was certain...

[4maskwolf]

I have other fish to fry right now, but I'll be back to journaling.  At some point.

[Mr Frog]

Fixed the images. Woo.

I hardly know anything about my dwarf, so this text might end up having a ton of inconcistencies.

I survived Spearbreakers, bruh. Minor characterisation inconsistencies are nothing to me at this point. Also:

The current overseer, Mr Frog. No full stop, if I understand correctly.

10/10 observation, you get an e-cookie.


@Taupe:

Good stuff. I like your description of the jungle. There are some typos and a couple style choices I don't agree with but it's really minor.

Odds I've been misgendering the liaison the whole time: Literally 50/50

That's liberal-talk; don't use it.

It's an okay word. Lurking on Tumblr has permanently tainted my vocabulary, though

[TheBiggerFish]

Post to watch.  This is shaping up to be worth it.  Especially with both you and Splint.

Edit: Oh Armok.  If Spearbreakers existed in this timeline, His Gaudiness could totally be whatshisface from Eris.  Or something.

[Mr Frog]

Post to watch.  This is shaping up to be worth it.

Are you saying you doubted me at some point, darling? I was wondering when you'd turn up. Welcome aboard!

Edit: Oh Armok.  If Spearbreakers existed in this timeline, His Gaudiness could totally be whatshisface from Eris.  Or something.

Please no no no. This fort has nothing to do with Spearbreakers (although if Splint decides to incorporate it later then w/e)