Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[TheBiggerFish]

I thew a warthog by the ear, moved a space, and was promptly brained by the air-borne animal.

All hail Dwarf Neo.

Waitwaitwait... OH CARP.

[StumpytheOzzie]

Do gay dwarves dreaming of raising a family count?

I also had an "extreme miner". I've forgotten the name. He was an immigrant who was a cheesemaker or something useless. When it was time to breach the magma tube to create the base for the workshops he was "randomly chosen" for the job. He survived, so when it was time to breach another wall, he was chosen again. And again and again. Cave spider bait, collapsing earthworks, mining out wells in a fast and unsafe way he survived it all, totally unscathed. It was like he had some guardian angel.

One day there was a goblin siege. In the initial engagement there were a few (20?) deaths. Extreme miner was eventually drafted into the military as an emergency reserve. Good gear too! But his face was exposed. In a mopping up skirmish, somebody lost their mind because their wife died or something and went berzerk. Mournful berzerk dwarf punched my miner in the face and cut the skin.

The rest of the dwarves that survived the initial goblin siege received perfect medical care. Nobody else died, even though there were lost legs, broken arms, many many wounds.

Extreme miner died about 3 years later of infection. In hospital, on a bed between the chest that contained the soap and the well he dug. While the chief medical dwarf was at a party.

[TheBiggerFish]

......... CURSE YOU, GERMS!

[Uristocrat]

Armok requires anvils to make anvils.

The first anvil was Armok's own beard.  Armok glared at the iron to melt it and then pounded it into shape with his fists, gifting it to the First Dwarves.

[LordPorkins]

Armok requires anvils to make anvils.

The first anvil was Armok's own beard.  Armok glared at the iron to melt it and then pounded it into shape with his fists, gifting it to the First Dwarves.

But before giving it to the dwarves, he used it to forge his sword, CharMite, made of the millions of tortured souls he has vanquished.

[Bumber]

But before giving it to the dwarves, he used it to forge his sword, CharMite, made of the millions of tortured souls he has vanquished.

CharMite? Is that an Uristmon, or something?

[LordPorkins]

I dunno i that popped it my head. Its a combination of Char and Smite. Seemed appropiate.

[contheman]

Armok giveth and Armok taketh away.
I had one majorly distraught fortress, but it was mostly my fault.

I was digging out rooms for magma pumps. The first set of pump stations were not to my satisfaction so I designated a second set. While I was waiting for the pump parts to be built, I designated that certain parts of the first set of pump stations be modified for other uses. While my dwarves were mining, there were at least two cave-ins and two dwarves who ended up in the magma pool at the bottom the tunnel. I called it quits on the modifications before anymore were lost.

Next, I made a prototype perpetual water pump with two water wheels above ground by the main stream. I forgot to add a fail safe, and, of course, the bloody thing overflowed. I designated the whole contraption to be deconstructed, but no one could reach the the pump or the water wheels. Over the course of a few months water reached the foot of the bridge at the entrance of my trade depot's fortification. One of the merchant caravans had trouble crossing to get into the depot's fortification. So I got fed up and, like a New Deal work program, I had my dwarves work to channel a massive reservoir pit. Then, I had them channel some of the water away from the source of the pump system. Because they were dwarves, some of them arbitrarily channeled  all around themselves and below. At least two of them drowned, never to be recovered from the channels but well within plain site.

Later on, I built a military to deal with all the guests from the caverns and elsewhere. They were all noobs, and, to be fair, so was I at the time. Well one day, some rutherers came up to greet the dwarves. All my dwarves went to dispatch the beasties as I ordered, but not a one of them took a weapon. I had ten unarmed dwarves fighting two rutherers to the point of exhaustion (granted part of the squad killed another rutherer in the tunnels). Then, cave crocodile came and killed three of the conscious recruits. I decided to abandon the fort before any other tragedies befell the fort.

The moral of the story is that memorial slabs are the kindest gift Armok has granted dwarvenkind.

[Amperzand]

After an extended epidemic of werebeasts, I successfully isolated the infection to one dorf in one room. After leaving him there for some time, I found that he was about 140 years old, and was quite happy with his lot in life. I found this saddening, for some reason.

[LordPorkins]

I once had my fortress reduced to one dwarf. All new migrants fell to my convuluted, malfunctioning trap system. I assigned mr Urist all labors, and then managed to survive 3 years by himself. Then he got bit by a vampire. The end.

[SimRobert2001]

I just witnessed the death of one of the darkest threads on bay 12. Its humor was perfectly dark, showing the horrible treatment of dwarf kind. 

But, seriously, though. I just witnessed a dog that had gotten the back half of its body chopped off at the legs. Essentially, It would pull itself around, pulling on its body as it dragged its intestines around. I tried to have him slaughtered, but he was adopted.

[NJW2000]

SUrely not after the chopping?

[steel jackal]

Armok requires anvils to make anvils.

The first anvil was Armok's own beard.  Armok glared at the iron to melt it and then pounded it into shape with his fists, gifting it to the First Dwarves.

now, now, the first anvil is a deep theological discussion and not everybody agrees on it, lets not start a flame war here

everyone knows the first anvil was a living elfs face that was used to make the second anvil

[cochramd]

I just witnessed the death of one of the darkest threads on bay 12. Its humor was perfectly dark, showing the horrible treatment of dwarf kind. 

But, seriously, though. I just witnessed a dog that had gotten the back half of its body chopped off at the legs. Essentially, It would pull itself around, pulling on its body as it dragged its intestines around. I tried to have him slaughtered, but he was adopted.

As a dog person, this gets me right in the feels. Can't wait until we have vets implemented to fix up injured war dogs.

[SimRobert2001]

SUrely not after the chopping?

Yep. basically, the dog had red legs, and red hindquarters.  SO, he was either disabled, or chopped in half.