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[LordPorkins]

11th Slate

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit. We've got 3 dwarves stuck inside of the ruins, and their only exit has been blocked. Why does one need a trap that seals the fortress entrance??? WHY??? Norris, OtherGuy and some nameless redshirt were forging a path down the only accesible hallway when said redshirt stepped on a trap that caused a load of debris to collapse behind them. I can only hope they're not doing anything stupid.


Journal of Norris

After the dust cleared, me and OtherGuy immediately started looking for a weakness in the debris. Finding none, we decided that forging onward was probably the best option. After all, maybe we'd find a cache of more Plump-Ale! I dont care if Overseer threatened to kill me if i ever touched a drop of that stuff again, Finders-Keepers!

Walking onwards, we discovered a spiraling ramp that went up for some time. We immediately decided climbing it was our best option. Soon we arrived at the first level. Dust was everywhere, but from what we could tell this was mainly used as a storage area. All we could find was a ridiculously large pile of stone and wood.

Next level up, we hit jackpot.
It was so....BEAUTIFUL


Overseers Log:
14th Slate

A small military post has been assigned inside the "foyer" of the ruins. Right now Ive designated a.... What's that squealing sound?


Blandcutter
This is a steel Pickaxe. All craftdwarfship is of the finest quality. It is studded with Felsite. It menaces with spikes of obsidian and emerald. On it is engraved an image of a dwarf and Blandcutter the Artifact Pickaxe. The Dwarf is smithing the pickaxe. This relates to the creation of Blandcutter the Artifact Pickaxe by Urol Krakishkan in 253.

Journal of Norris
FINDERSKEEPERSFINDERSKEEPERSFINDERSKEEPERSFINDERSKEEPEES (This continues for a page or so) EEPERS

[LordPorkins]

Below is the following image:
This is a doodle. All craftdwarfship is absolute crap. It shows the Dwarf Norris and the artifact Pickaxe Blandcutter. Norris is.... Licking? Kissing? Caressing? Eating?... the artifact Pickaxe Blandcutter. This relates to the rediscovery of the Artifact Pickaxe Blandcutter by Norris in 278


Diary of OtherGuy

So, we found a found a pick, n' Norris started to bawl fer the beauty of it. Really, wasnt that much ta look at, but i never told 'm that. Leaving 'm behind, me 'n Redshirt continued our explho... Esplo... Scouting. Event'ally we found a great farm, mud n water all over everything. Red was dishtracted by the appearence of one o' dem mushroom folk,which he thoroughly loves the taste of. He was a bit vicious to the little bugger, but i figger hed just had a bit too much sun, is all. The plump-o managed to get away though. Lookin round, we saw that shrooms were pokin out o the mud every few feet. This was good, and i knew Mr. Overseer would be right pleased. I noticed the area was smaller than the precedin floor, so i made me a sumption that we were going up tha mount. I figgered we had 2, mebbe 3 floors till we got to the top. Will write more later.

By tha time we got back, Norris managed to stop blubbering long enough for us to convince 'm that yes, Mr, Overseer would let him keep his "Cutty-Pie." After he wiped the snot off his shnozz, we went up again. Then things got purty interestin'

Ya see, that thumpin wasnt actually a creature. It was one o dem Bronze Colossolusseses. It was right purty ta look at, n you could see your reflection in his fists as he imploded Redshirts head. He was in quite a state, one o his legs was missing. He was still able to crawl after us though, so we skedaddled away, only ta notice Mr. Shiny Knuckles had blocked the only exit. Norris went into a rage, and tried to drive his pick into the machine, but the big guy wasnt amused. Now, ive seen some purty impressive Bitch-Slaps in ma days, but this one puts em all ta shame. Norris went flyin clear across the room, and landed in a heap over inside of a minecart. This started up tha cart, which started to roll towards a large downward slope. I retaliated by loudly swearin at the giant as i ran to Norris’s’s aid. By this time tha cart had rolled to far for me to catch up, so i hopped inside anotha cart amd headed off after the cart and Norris. Im a writing this right before
(Indecipherable scribbles)

[LordPorkins]

((Sorry for the hiatus. Back on schedule! Found a ton of logs in Google docs i hadnt posted. This is gonna be good.))

Overseers Log
21st Slate

Well, it appears that we found what the hut was for. We also discovered where Norris and OtherGuy went. Early this morning there was a ridiculously large boom coming from the hut. Upon Scrubs brief peek at the remains, it was clear to see what happened. The inside of the hut was a mess, the door bashed open, unusable now. Norris and Otherguy lay sprawled on the floor, next to two extremely dented minecarts. Apparently the carts also carried some large hunks of iron ore, which, upon hitting the end of the track, spewed forth, rendering pretty much anything within 20 feet unusable for anything but salvage. From what i can make out from Norris’ ramblings (OtherGuy’s still unconscious) Redshirt ended up as pulp to a massive mechanical man. Now this is another problem i have to deal with. This place is betting hairier than a She-Trolls knockers. Norris refuses to reveal where exactly he got the pick, but i do know he hasn't let go of it in 3 days. I'm going to let him keep though. Good for morale and all that crap

P.S. 2 more migrants popped up uninvited. Apparently the king said there was a beer festival to be held here. One of the migrants, big fancy name, Schro-something, was extremely cranky. Our total population is now 15. We need to find to some wooden goods to salvage to, as we are running out of wood, and none of the trees around here are very productive.

[LordPorkins]

Dr. Schrodinger Operational Log
His majesty the king has sent me here on a secret mission to investigate rumors of a new element. BoozeWeiser was reputed to have found a mineral that contained “unfathomable power.” It's safe to assume this was part of the destruction of the fort. Right now i shall position myself as chief of engineering, which is quite satisfactory for the forts overall health. The overseer recently found some copper pipes running through a nearby pit, and had no idea if deconstruction was safe. I assured him that any magma this far towards the surface would have cooled long ago.


Overseers Journal
7th Felsite

Huzzah! We now have enough supplies to stretch our rations till Galena! When we knocked down the first section of the pipe,great gushes of water burst out. However, the system for pumping must have been off (or broken) and soon the water subsided. However, the water was just enough to cover the entire dirt pit with a thick layer of mud! I look forward to see our crops growing. Now, what should we plant. We need wood, and towercaps have been brought in our supplies, but wed need a roof to grow. Obviously plump helmets would be useful. Hmmmmmmmmm….

P.S. The kobolds have been getting a bit more common. However, some of our dwarves have taken a liking to the furry buggers, only swearing loudly at them instead of decapitation. This might end with many valuable resources lost. Norris is particularly vengeful, however, since he thinks the kobolds have been ogling his pick. Ha! They dont have the balls to steal an artifact. He only shook his head when i told him. He needs to be drunk, and fast.

Overseers Log
16th Felsite

5 more migrants arrived. Kanesh is now back to full health, and Otherguy is well enough for booze, though he still is a bit out of whack. Those kobolds have been getting more and more curious. It could be worse though. I dont even want to think what it would be like if we had a night-troll infestation. Still, we better start leaving random junk in places were valuables are usually kept. Ive heard that helps. Norris is now refusing to leave his hut. Im going to move him to the military post. Hes been in the sun too long.


Shroedingers Audio Log #1
“I have been dispatched by his royal highness to collect samples of a rumored new element, not slave away working for these cretinous, foul-mannered simpletons!”

….

“Ok, now i can proceed. This is Scientific Researcher 115, Shroedinger Van Hilmmgrmser, reporting my arrival at Site 214, or, ‘Boozeweiser’ as the…. Natives...call it. I am recording my log this ingenious device of my own invention! It has the capability to record and playback speech! Oh, those snobs down in the Lava Cannon Project are going to regret letting me go!”

...

“For now, i am taking part in the daily ‘jobs’ these idiots assogn to me daily. I just hope i find this element soon. Im getting tired of telling these fools which rock they should make what out of.

[LordPorkins]

(Found in a Kobolds den, scratched on a piece of hide)

Shiny
Shiny
Want it
Shiny
StupidShortLoudThing
Need more
Need more
Need it
Need it

[LordPorkins]

Im contemplating simply ending this tale, but I've got like 10 more pages of story I've found in my google drive. Ill probably stop when i post all the remaining stuff. But that might take awhile
P.S. sorry for the break


Overseers Log
1rst Felsite
The kobolds have begun to become quite an annoyance. Weve had reports of them sneaking up into our sleeping quarters, stealing pickaxes and other tools while we sleep. Norris is comvinced they are out to get him and his “Blandy” for some reason. I told him he needs to go drink some more. Kobolds wouldnt dare steal something directly from a dwarfs hands, and ive yet to see Norris put that thing down. Furthermore,

Overseers Log
24th Felsite

Hell has been unleashed.

We woke up the morning to discover Norris screaming bloody murder. Turns out those kobolds did have balls after all. A band of them had pulled off a stealth mission, infiltrating our camp with ease. Blandcutter was taken, and Norris was out for blood. Snatching up his old pickaxe, he charged after the small group of fuzzy thieves. Seeing him, one of them made an odd, squeaking noise, similar to the sound of sitting in an old chair. All at once, dozens of glowing red eyes began appearing, as if from nowhere. A few of the guards were following Norris, but immediately stopped in their tracks, gazing in awe at the fuzzy army appearing before their very eyes. Norris charged in, unheeded. I called an emergency alarm, but our weapons had been stripped overnight. Defenseless, with the hoard approaching swiftly, we had no choice but to run into the yawning mouth of the ruins. Many dwarves didn't make it, suffocating in the furry masses as the kobolds tried to steal everything they had on them. I saw a militiadwarf stab forward with a pitchfork, only for an opportunistic bugger to swipe the head, leaving him staring incredulously at a wooden stick. They then ripped every piece of armor off him, not caring if the corresponding appendages came with it. By Armok! This is not what should be happening! No kobolds should be this savage, yet this intelligent. I fear we have lost Norris, he was last seen charging blindly after the original thieves, running so fast i saw him split a kobold in half by ramming it with his shoulder. Only 13 of us are left, not counting myself. The town doesn't even appear to have ever existed. Everything but the corpses are gone. Miasma encircles the mountain like a mist, preventing any exit. The only food and supplies we have are the meager provisions set up in the Checkpoint. It seems our only chance would be to get by the Colosollus that guards the secondary exit. If that fails, the only direction is…. down.
[/spoiler]

[LlamaLlord]

I hope you post the rest. It's a good story.

[LordPorkins]

Didn't realize anyone ever knew this existed. I'll upload more soon.

[Gwolfski]

Good story

[LordPorkins]

Good story

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/010/809/happy-oh-stop-it-you.jpg

[LordPorkins]

Overseers Log
25th Felsite
Praise Armok! For once this mountain gives us a chance to survive! The miasma in the kitchens has gone. This means that whatever it was that was rotting is done…. or it means that something ate the corpse. Damn, Barkly’s right, i am depressing. Once we get out of this hell-hole, im going to the nearest tavern, getting wasted, then laid, then wasted again.


Overseers Log
1rst Hematite
A sliver of hope! Turns out the miasma was coming out of the kitchens garbage chute. This means that the whatever-it-is that entered and died had access through a different part of the fort. If it can get in, we can get out! Going down the chute is far too risky. Boozeweiser was reputed to have over 120 floors. Falling down that far would mean instant death. We are going to have to find a way to the garbage through the tunnels. Every room in this place has a way to get into it. I imagine the dumps not any different. The kitchen has no other exit, and we dont want to face the colosollus again. Looks like we have to risk the tunnel.


7th Hematite
Took inventory today. We have enough food and booze to last till Limestone. After that, we have about a week of dried meat from the kitchens and *shudder* water. Right now all our weapons amount to is a couple of copper picks and axes that Norris was too lazy to move. For once im thankful for his sloth. Armoks beard, i miss him right now. Scrubs is an even worse miner than he is carpenter.


9th Hematite
Weve broken through! A thin shaft runs through the wreckage, leading to an ominously dark stairway descending. We best be heading down soon. Drac reported hearing scratchings at the main doorway last night on sentry duty. Apparently the kobolds have not been satisfied with the haul they have now. Those things werent right in the first place, i dont want to see them after having spent 15 days soaking in miasma. That wretched mist makes everything nastier. We set out tommorow.

[LordPorkins]

13th Hematite.
Good Fortune! We have discovered that the masonry and crafts level was close to the surface, like most forts. In heaps and piles great mounds of stone crafts were found. We managed to recover 2 granite swords. This could be our turning point. Properly equipped, Drac and Tor could probably handle anything up to the size of a Troll. On a side note, in the rubble of several tunnels was discovered chunks of some strange substance, unlike anything ever seen by anyone in the party. That nerdy small-beard, Schrodinger, seemed strangely curious about it. Heck, as long as it doesn't try to eat me, i don't care what it does. We have grabbed a few however, as evidence to what conspired here. When… IF we get out, others must be warned of what happened here.


Shroedingers Audio Log #72


This is it! The king will reward me handsomely for such a prize! This strange, orange sedimentite simply radiates with power! I have collected a fair amount of samples to present to His Majesty Cacame the 16th. Afterwards, i shall finally be appointed head of the royal !!Science!! Division! I will be reknown throughout this land! I will be POPULAR, POPULAR, POPULAR!!!!


….Ahem,


Anyway, im storing all of these samples in my backpack. I dont trust the intelligence of these incompetent oafs one bit. Theyd probably try to eat it or something.


Diary of Otherguy
I asked that weasly scientist guy if we could try turnin one o’ his special rocks inta a sword. He looked at me as if ah had asked him ta join an elven orgy. Prick.