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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 795129 times)

Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16230 on: February 01, 2023, 01:15:39 pm »

C They've already shown no regard for negotiations, and we know Caius is a Zealot who could only be swayed by a man of charisma. We've bleed them of a large number of troops, at great risk and lose. We'll need time to regroup if we hope to continue the defense of Methiant. Again and again we've blunted their offense, Eventually even they'll run out of steam if we can keep making this war costly.
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Lord_lemonpie

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16231 on: February 01, 2023, 01:27:24 pm »

Negotiation should only be done from a position of power, which we don't have with them having twice our troops. We better retreat, regroup and strike again before we get an unfavorable treaty. C
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Superdorf

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16232 on: February 01, 2023, 01:28:12 pm »

fair 'nuff

C
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klonk
tormenting the player is important
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16233 on: February 01, 2023, 02:27:27 pm »

C
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16234 on: February 01, 2023, 03:05:50 pm »

You declare that the army shall retreat deeper into Methiant for the time being, after a night's rest.

1218 AD, Next Day

Your forces gather themselves up and leave for the northeast.

By afternoon, scouts bring news that Caius has similarily packed up his forces and begun slow, organized retreat southwards.

By the evening, a lone Damdamian rider is brought to you by several of your scouts.

"Greetings to Emperor of Methiant!" Says the youth, saluting, and then extends his arm with a scroll. "From General Caius to you." He explains, so one of Shadowranks takes it and passes it to you. You open it and begin reading.

'To the heathen yet valiant Emperor of Methiant

Greetings and salutations

I must commend you on your effort to postpone the inevitable, and to put the yesterday battle to a draw despite our greater numbers and your massive losses. Your predecessor was a mighty soldier and I am elated to know that the northerners seem to share this trait amongst themselves rather than it being an exception to the rule, which means our future encounters will be that much more glorious. If you weren't a heathen, I would gladly serve shoulder-to-shoulder with such a skilled leader as thee. Alas, that will not come to be.

Triple Champion of Damdamian Republic, Great General of the Republican Army, Most Faithful of Damed our Lord and the true and only God,
Caius Cuscus'


And that's all. You decide to...

A) Dismiss the letter.
B) Compose a reply.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2023, 03:09:04 pm by Haspen »
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Superdorf

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16235 on: February 01, 2023, 03:15:07 pm »

B

It's moments like this that determine how we'll be remembered in generations to come. If we win, let us be remembered as magnanimous in our superiority. If we lose, let us be remembered as the noble barbarian who gave even Caius pause.
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Falling angel met the rising ape, and the sound it made was

klonk
tormenting the player is important
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Rockeater

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16236 on: February 01, 2023, 04:01:16 pm »

B
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Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
Also, don't forget to contact your local Eldritch Being(s), so that they can help with our mission to destroy the universe.

heydude6

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16237 on: February 01, 2023, 04:33:17 pm »

B we may blunder this horribly, but I agree this may indeed be our only chance to leave a legacy.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16238 on: February 01, 2023, 04:35:02 pm »

You compose a reply.

Quote
1

It is bad enough that you yourself can see how bad it is, so you dismiss the rider without a reply at all.

The Army retreats further north.

1218 AD, Late Spring

Your return to the capital is heralded by weeping of widows and orphans, because of how few of those who ventured south have returned with you. The soldiers are given a respite while you announce your decision to host a war council.

Once you arrive at the audience hall, the Marshal salutes.

"My Emperor! We can have another ten thousand ready by end of the year, I think, and half of those numbers by the end of Summer. But other than that we're slowly appraoching our manpower limits!" The Advisor then steps up.

"We also could contact your relatives, rulers of Eldrican, or perhaps entice the Dwarves to offer us help in return for riches of our land, or just put up monetary offers for any willing mercenary bands there are in Methiant." It is time for Treasurer to intervene.

"No, my lord! Our economical ratings are already middling, and if we overspent on this war effort, I fear for how our Empire will do in the next few years!"

As for reinforcements from abroad...

A) Send for the Dwarves!
B) Send for the Eldricans!
C) Nay!

As for buying mercenaries...

A) We need every fighting man we can get!
B) Trusting mercenaries to work alongside our professional, drilled army is a folly!

//Reminder that in such situations, split-votes will be nulled. Post both choices in one post.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16239 on: February 01, 2023, 04:58:13 pm »

BA - Let's speak with our family, perhaps they can promise support when Caius returns. The dwarfs are always fun, but they will definitely be expensive. We do need to rebuild our army though. The treasury will just have to suck it up.
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16240 on: February 01, 2023, 05:41:00 pm »

A
B

I don't trust mercenaries to integrate into a highly trained army, and I doubt our family in Eldrican have the soldiers or goodwill to truly change the tide of war, considering what our family in Helliste sent. The Dwarves might be the only thing capable of bridging the manpower gap at this point. I'd rather be in debt forever to the Dwarves, than to submit to the Damdamians.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2023, 05:53:18 pm by Prophet »
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16241 on: February 01, 2023, 06:57:30 pm »

Whereas I don't trust Dwarves in the age of Fireblood to be the overwhelming force of past eras, not against the Damedians' peculiar antimagic aura. I'd guess results similar to hiring mercenaries, only more expensive.
B A
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16242 on: February 01, 2023, 09:39:58 pm »

B B

Mercenaries generally prefer to fight battles they believe they can win. When that isn’t the case, things tend to go “awry”

Panic tends to cause further panic. If our soldiers in the previous battle saw their weak-willed compatriots turn and run, the fear would have spread and caused a rout.

Mercenaries are literally worse than nothing. Just ask Stannis Baratheon.



I’m ambivalent on the dwarves vs family debate. I’m siding with family for now, because I have a vague feeling that the age of dwarves is over, but I’m open to arguments to the contrary.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16243 on: February 02, 2023, 12:14:50 am »

BB
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16244 on: February 02, 2023, 02:48:34 pm »

ba ba
ab
bb bb bb

You send an envoy to the Eldricans. No mercenaries shall minge with Methiantese soldiers, which makes both Marshal and quite a few of your noblemen grimace.

1218 AD, Summer

"M'liege." The Spymaster tips his hat, startling you on your return to your bedchambers after a meal.

"I have found out something that might turn the tide of this war." You look at the shadowed man in the hood.

"And what would that be?"

"Caius uses and has affinity for Fireblood equipment." You let out an annoyed huff.

"That I've experienced personally, yes." The Spymaster nods.

"But most of Damdamian Republic is rather wary of those who produce Fireblood, as it is proliferating in the north - that's it, our region - and they view the invention just slightly heretical. Therefore, there's no state producer for Damdamian Fireblood, and instead many enterpreneurs and alchemists and foreigners all provide Fireblood for Caius' forces, who has to fight tooth and nail to get the Damdamian Senate to approve his shipments of Fireblood... Fireblood that is of a varying, and sometimes even lacking, quality." He smiles.

"So, your Majesty, wouldn't you say it be an awful coincidence if some bad quality Fireblood would degrade and spontaneously combust exactly whilst Caius happens to be near it?"

"It would scar or wound him."

"Or worse, there's a chance he would die, along with many of his celebrated officers and officials serving him on the campaign against our Empire." You rub your chin thoughtfully - if you can't defeat them fairly, mayhaps it is time to do things the dirty way?

A) "Indeed! A worthy foe like Caius meeting such a pathetic and spontaneous end would even move me to some tears."
B) "I already have Caius and the Damdamians as state enemies. I don't need them as personal enemies, thank you very much."
« Last Edit: February 02, 2023, 03:01:17 pm by Haspen »
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.
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