Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Enemy post]

Spoiler: Longer backstory (click to show/hide)

There was once a day when a certain house ran out of milk. As a result, the world went mad and died. The apocalypse spread from this house at an uncontrollable rate as great Doom Mugs approached from above. The impossible became ubiquitous as the sound of ukulele metal reigned. In the end, nothing survived. Earth inevitably became a broken, ashen wasteland ruled by chupacabras until Imperium warships finally put the planet out of its misery.

It is fortunate then that none of this occurred. In the final battle between Angelo/Diablo and ATHATH, a man named Shaun O' Brian escaped in a time machine of his own design. Going back to that fateful morning, he delivered milk at the door and averted this entire catastrophe. All was at peace. However, Shaun himself was left alone. He found himself in a timeline that now had two of him and could never really be his true home. Shaun wandered away to explore time and space. Ultimately, he found himself on an alternate Earth currently in its middle ages. Shaun stole some milk from a nearby settlement and then went on his way.

We go now to the inhabitants of this village. They are just now waking up to find what they have lost. In short...

You are one of several villagers who live in a medieval village.

You ran out of milk.

You must acquire more.

Spoiler: Rules (click to show/hide)

Standard d6 rules:
1.Epic Fail:You fail horribly, and the action backfires.
2.Fail:You lose, you get nothing.
3.Average:A little success, a little failure. Most people are a 3.
4.Success:You can't always get what you want, but this time you did.
5.Major success:Everything went better than expected.
6.Overshot:Be careful what you wish for.

You can do pretty much anything you want, with the exception of mind control on someone else's character beyond 1 turn.

Character template:
Name:
Description:
Why do you want milk?

Spoiler: Player characters (click to show/hide)

Name: Bork
Description: a tired cat
Why do you want milk: because I'm hungry.

Name: Aaron Blaze, Draconic god of luck!
Description: Big white dragon guy with a red/orange face and green feet, wears big golden armor under a dark green cloak, looks kinda like the Emprahsque probably. Carries around a huge demonic warhammer, a battle axe made of bone, and a very fancy greatsword with a dragon design.
Why do you want milk? Well, what else am I supposed to do with my time right now?

Name: Anna (Everyone calls her Courier, though...)
Description/Appearance: A cybernetically-enhanced human woman of Asian descent. She has an elegant short black hair, brown eyes, light tan skin, and pretty average body build. Wears a duster, 1st Recon beret, and a pair of fingerless gloves. Uses Pipboy as a mean to access her inventory, which is filled with a vast arsenal of firearms, explosives, and melee weapons. An extremely skilled combatant whose cybernetics also gave her peak human strength and extreme duralibity.
Why do you want milk: I just got teleported to a completely different place, maybe even time-travelled: The first thing I would need is some refreshing brahmin milk for my brain.

Name: Mug
Description: A simple, ceramic mug.
Why do you want milk? To be filled with the divine ichor and ascend to godhood.

Editors note:Is also the Holy Grail.

Name: Gerald "The Great" Goatsby
Description: An aging goatman normal human wizard with ties to an secret occult society.
Why do you want milk? For potions and experiments.

Name: Ziizo
Description: Either a normal human that loves cloaks or a vampire nobody is sure.
Why do you want milk?: Breakfast, milk tastes fine when mixed with me favored drink.

Name: 'Doctor' Matteo Schubert von Alvritcke
Description: A rather creepy-looking fellow clad in a ragged variety of dark-coloured, ill-fitting clothing. His bony, unhealthily pale head is almost entirely hairless save for a pair of greasy sideburns.
Why do you want milk? To revive and power my human flesh golem, assembled from stolen bodyparts in my spooky old manor house a mile from the village. I tried channelling lightning into my monster but it didn't seem to do the trick. In the future words of the meme wizards of the 21st century, "he needs some milk".

Name: Adam Simons
Description: Adam had always believed himself to be a normal person, but one day he stumbled upon something no normal human could witness. He saw a fight between a demon and an angel, in their full glory. He was bathed in the hellfire and heavenly light from the battle, and he gained powers like no other person. He gained the power of an angel and a demon, and he chose to use them to help.
Why do you want milk?: "I'm starting with small goals first."

Name: Mario
Description: Your average human
Why do you want milk? I'm a cheese maker so I need it to make my product.

Name: Harold Johnson
Description: He's the local priest.
Why do you want milk? To destroy it because it's an abomination.

Name: Jebbediah
Description: Average human being, not a lizard or a cyborg
Why do you want milk?: He just knows that he needs it for something, he doesn't know why, he just knows

Name:Shaun Cormac O'Brian
Descrption: A local bar owner who just got up, and feels somewhat hung over. He wants a good drop of milk for breakfast, nothing like it in the morning. His bar has a window pointed in the exact direction for the creepy castle up on the hill to be in full view, as per agreement with old Saxon. As long as he sends up hapless adventurers occasionally, the money keeps flowing...

Name:Stormslayer
Description: A large beetle monster with greenish-blue chitin, roughly the size of a cow.
Why do you want milk? To feed the larva. It's easier than getting them meat.

Name: Cassandra Vitalis
Description: Black curly hair, olive skin, purple eyes. Wearing: A gothic medieval dress, black and purple with floral patterns; a leather pouch containing many herbs and fungi.
Why do you want milk?: To study and use for my potions, as I am an aspiring alchemist.

Name: Vaarsuvius
Description: Typical D&D High Elf. Pointed ears, violet hair. Is a 16th level wizard. Is wearing a red wizard's robe.
Why do you want milk? So that I may use it to attain ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER!

Name: 0cra
Description: An ordinary person that wants milk
Why do you want milk? To sell it on the black market

Name: ATHATH
Description: The reincarnation of that crazy guy.
Why do you want milk: So I have a justification to summon mugs from the sky.

Name: Baron Von Baron of house Baron of the Barony formally known as Baronhold
Description: A half elven baron with a simple over coat over a somewhat dust stained white button up shirt and red panteloons with white stripes...or perhaps just a drunken idiot who calls himself a baron of some make believe town who just wants some milk.
Why do you want milk?: To find milk for his cookies.

ATHATH:Summoned.

Name: Bothadtam
Description: Bothadtam is a sentient suit of armor. Bothadtam is also lonely, and wants to make friends on his journey to acquire milk.
Why do I want milk: Bothadtam recently ran out milk to lubricate his joints with. Bothadtam does not like when his joints are not lubricated, because they are squeaky and feel funny. Bothadtam would like to have a lot of milk so he can always have lubricated joints.

Name: Fanfnír, hero of Tónledún.
Description: A powerful warrior, weilding the powers of the earth and sky, granted to him by the holy well of the mother-milk deep beneath the world tree. He has the mind of a fox, the ferocity of a wolf, and the body of a bear.
Why does he want milk? He doesn't need milk. He has tasted the purest, most perfect milk in the world. He intends to end this conflict, and if that means taking the other contenders down, so be it.

Name: William
Description: Nod cultist
Why do you want milk? Kane requires Milk for his "waffles", what ever those may be William does not know.

Name: Dr. Florence Bedlam
Description: A young woman from England who appeared to had been cut into pieces and sewn back together before being reanimated, Florence is an aspiring mad scientist who uses her extensive knowledge of human (and non-human) anatomy, a wide variety of surgical tools, and dark energies to create grotesque reanimated horrors that functioned as servants and killing machines. Florence wears a white knee-high gown with a red riding cloak.
Why do you want milk?: Because whether masquerading as a helpful physician to lure in victims volunteers for her experiments or plotting the downfall of someone who'd trifled with her, even a villain wants to live up to her self-applied moniker of 'Milk Addict' by drinking as much of the sweet white nectar as she can.

Name :  Sir Hektur
Class : Paladin of blazing sun
Why do I want milk : to help me on my quest.

Originality is for those who can't play a Viking while making jokes about Viking stereotypes.

Name: Erik the LIV (Erik the Fifty-fourth)
Description: A (fairly) tall, (heavily) bearded, (somewhat) muscular, (slightly) bloodstained axeman wearing some lovely mail armor and a horn-less helmet and carrying an appropriately-proportioned Dane axe and otherwise dispelling the ridiculous myths about Vikings and Norsemen. Well, except for the fact that he's a berserker. And he's called Erik. And he pillages (then burns) things for a living.
Why do you want milk?: Would you have him make his mead out of something else? What do you think he is, some sort of barbarian?

Name: Painkiller
Appearance: Here!
Description: Lyrics say it all.
Why do you want milk: To unlock the power of resurrecting living things!

Name: The Revenant can not remember their name.
Description: Ghastly grey skin. Burning crimson eyes. A broken pair of horns curl from his head. Otherwise, his body is covered in a long, black, flowing robe.
Why do you want milk: To perform the Akashic Ritual using it as a reagent and learn my name by reading the Akashic Records.

Name: John Smith
Description: Your average joe. John.
Why do you want milk: I'm thirsty.

Spoiler: NPCS (click to show/hide)

Brigands:Tried to rob a god. It didn't work out.
Horse:Stolen by Ziizo.
Angry knight:Had his horse stolen by a cloaked stranger.
Entropy Milk Snakes x2:Servants of Goatsby.
The rat:Inconvenient.
Margaret:Definitely a normal human with no interest in hexing anyone or anything. Head sliced open by Anna.
Lord Saxon:Villain who lives in a spooky castle near Moorsburg.
Generic Adventurers:Dead.
Other adventurers:Allied with Adam Simons.
Swamp goblin shaman:Dead due to a headshot.
The watchman:Suspicious of outsiders.
Random farmer:Irrelevant.
The Unholy Pail:The most evil drink receptacle ever.
GROGNAR:Former meathead nemesis of Grail Team. Killed at the cost of Anna's life.
Barbarian gang:Followers of GROGNAR.
Troll:Bug food.
King Bos:Generous.
Swamp goblins:Skulking swamp ambushers. Took numerous casualties.
The Arm of Adam:A divine warrior.
Village Head:Runs the other village.
Richard the Lionheart:King of England.
Prince John:Significant in at least one future.
Gargoyle:Sunken.
Cow:Purchased by Anna.
Skeleton horde:Spooky.
Milk Initiates:Really, really messed up, and died for it.
Giant spiders:Dead.
Town guards:Readability police?
Circus bears:Escaped from a circus, crushed by a mug, reborn as zombie bears.
Cultist guards:Guarding.
Cave Minions:Overcome.
Vampire hounds:Dead dogs.
Tzeentch mutants:Creations of Goatsby.
The Sun:WHY'D YOU HAVE TO TRY AND KILL IT.
Demon guards:Looking for escapees.
Ghost of Castle Saxon:Mysterious.
Brotherhood of Nod:Lead by the mysterious figure called Kane. Peace Through Power.
Castle Adjila soldiers:Finally at peace.
Frankenstein animals:Horrific abominations running amok, just as planned.
Mordred and his knights:Dead knights.
Sentient potion:Exists for strange reasons.
Vikings:Do not wear horned helmets.
Scrin:Completely underappreciated in the fourth game.
Calisthenic Church of the Sun:Seekers of a drink other than milk. Clearly, they are mad.
Random bears:Respect Vikings.
Holy Frankenstein:Nearly all-powerful flesh golem created by incorporating Holy Grail milk into his design.
Æsir:Thor, Odin, Loki, and all the boring ones.

Spoiler: Locations (click to show/hide)

The Village of Moorsburg:Located in medieval Europe.
Cormac's pub:Drinking establishment in the village. Has an window showing off Lord Saxon's castle. Also lots of battle damage.
The church:Religious center of village life.
The swamp:Mysterious, said to contain a little town.
The other village:Probably has milk.
Lord Saxon's Castle:Current residence of Lord Saxon.
Alvritcke Manor:Creepy secret lair.
Town:Large, walled settlement. Very much in favor of law and ruthless punishments for criminals.
Catacombs:Secret hideout of Goatsby. Entrance is in the swamp.
Town warehouse:Contains milk.
Graveyard:Scary.
Cave of Broken Mirrors:Cliche testing place.
Dementia:A piece of distant landscape warped by Goatsby's magic until his downfall.
Vaarsuvius' "secret lair":A camp, for now.
Wizard's Tower:A warped structure raised by Goatsby in his twisted land. Destroyed upon its master's death.
Spider lair:A cliff near Moorsburg haunted by giant spiders.
Peaceful glade:A utopian valley. Probably doomed, despite the fact that there are innocent unicorns and bunnies there.
The Mug Dimension/Elemental Plane of Milk:An alternate universe of pure milk. Clearly a paradise.
The Champagne dimension:Worthless.
Imperial Library of Constantinople:Books are there.
Survivalist Farm:LEAVE OR BE SHOT.
The Moon:Peaceful nighttime orb.
Castle Adjila:Site of an resolved battle.
Elder Plane:Here there be monsters.
Pail Dimension:None yet have unraveled the mystery of why various household objects need their own dimensions.
Shop that sells rat droppings and hair:Somehow stays in business.
Pacifist village:Rich.

Spoiler: Hall of Milk (click to show/hide)

The Holy Grail's milk:The greatest, holiest milk anyone could ever hope to drink.
Entropy Milk:Currently unclaimed because it is eating everything it comes into contact with.Destroyed by holy water.
Bottle of milk:Claimed by O'Brian, then stolen by Vaarsuvius.
Another bottle of milk:Stolen by Mario.
Milk canteen:In Anna's possession. Destroyed by mini-nuke.
Warehouse of milk:Reclaimed by town guards.
Spider milk:Dwayna got it, apparently spiders have milk. Later, she traded it to Baron Von Baron, who drank it. She later built up a reliable stockpile.
Massive herd of cows:Rightfully owned by Ziizo.
Vat of milk:Site of Revenant's rebirth.

Turn list:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,Recap 1,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,Recap 2,31,32,33,34.

Minimalism and Milk 3

[Doomblade187]

Name: Bork
Description: a tired cat
Why do you want milk: because I'm hungry.

[Smoke Mirrors]

I can't decide if I want Angelo and Diablo again, or something new, however, there is one thing I can decide on.

NEW RULE: NO DOOM MUGS!

[Glass]

Name: Aaron Blaze, Draconic god of luck!
Description: Big white dragon guy with a red/orange face and green feet, wears big golden armor under a dark green cloak, looks kinda like the Emprahsque probably. Carries around a huge demonic warhammer, a battle axe made of bone, and a very fancy greatsword with a dragon design.
Why do you want milk? Well, what else am I supposed to do with my time right now?

Go find the local lord/king/whatever and talk with them.

[CABL]

Spoiler: Anna, or you just can call her Courier (click to show/hide)

Name: Anna (Everyone calls her Courier, though...)
Description/Appearance: A cybernetically-enhanced human woman of Asian descent. She has an elegant short black hair, brown eyes, light tan skin, and pretty average body build. Wears a duster, 1st Recon beret, and a pair of fingerless gloves. Uses Pipboy as a mean to access her inventory, which is filled with a vast arsenal of firearms, explosives, and melee weapons. An extremely skilled combatant whose cybernetics also gave her peak human strength and extreme duralibity.
Why do you want milk: I just got teleported to a completely different place, maybe even time-travelled: The first thing I would need is some refreshing brahmin milk for my brain.

Anna appears outside the village, right in the center of it. Anna is stunned to see how different is the world around her: There's no dusty, sandy desert or extremely dry badlands around her. Instead, there are green woods, fields of non-mutated wheat, and buildings which aren't made from an ugly mix of rusty metal, wires, and old, crumbling concrete. The only thing similar to her world is that the people have a rather poor hygiene. Being overwhelmed by how healthy-looking is the world she's in right now, Anna decides to ask locals where she can buy and drink brahmin milk, so that her mind calms down a little.

Asks the locals where I can buy brahmin milk.
Head to the place selling brahmin milk, should the locals share the information.

[Enemy post]

I can't decide if I want Angelo and Diablo again, or something new, however, there is one thing I can decide on.

NEW RULE: NO DOOM MUGS!

The world can only hope. I invited ATHATH, but he hasn't been on the forum in a little over a month.

[randomgenericusername]

Name: Mug
Description: A simple, ceramic mug.
Why do you want milk? To be filled with the divine ichor and ascend to godhood.

Try to move in the direction of milk.

[Smoke Mirrors]

ATHATH is still my archenemy. So, I'm not sure what I want, but it will definitely be something absurdly complicated.

[Mallos]

Name: Gerald "The Great" Goatsby
Description: An aging goatman normal human wizard with ties to an secret occult society.
Why do you want milk? For potions and experiments.

Attempt to create a magically self-replenishing milk fountain in the center of town with transmutation magic.

[ziizo]

Name: Ziizo
Description: Either a normal human that loves cloaks or a vampire nobody is sure.
Why do you want milk?: Breakfast, milk tastes fine when mixed with me favored drink.

take a horse and gallop to the next village.

[Yoink]

Name: 'Doctor' Matteo Schubert von Alvritcke
Description: A rather creepy-looking fellow clad in a ragged variety of dark-coloured, ill-fitting clothing. His bony, unhealthily pale head is almost entirely hairless save for a pair of greasy sideburns.
Why do you want milk? To revive and power my human flesh golem, assembled from stolen bodyparts in my spooky old manor house a mile from the village. I tried channelling lightning into my monster but it didn't seem to do the trick. In the future words of the meme wizards of the 21st century, "he needs some milk".

[Smoke Mirrors]

EP, can you wait for me before you start? I want to be in from the first turn.

[Enemy post]

(Sorry SM. I feel like I shouldn't keep everyone else waiting. I'll stitch your action in your placeholder spot once you're ready.)

TURN 1:In which yon Folk art denied Milk.

Name: Bork
Description: a tired cat
Why do you want milk: because I'm hungry.

(No action)

The sun rises as Bork the cat blinks in apathetic observation. The inhabitants leave their huts and wander about to begin the day.

Name: Aaron Blaze, Draconic god of luck!
Description: Big white dragon guy with a red/orange face and green feet, wears big golden armor under a dark green cloak, looks kinda like the Emprahsque probably. Carries around a huge demonic warhammer, a battle axe made of bone, and a very fancy greatsword with a dragon design.
Why do you want milk? Well, what else am I supposed to do with my time right now?

Go find the local lord/king/whatever and talk with them.

1

You stir from your meditations and head toward the local castle. Most of the peasants give you a wide berth thanks to your intimidating draconic appearance, while a few who are familiar with your myth pick up leaves and sticks you stepped on in hopes of getting a good luck charm. Perhaps they sapped a bit of your luck, because you are interrupted on your journey down the road. Three brigands step out from behind trees with bows drawn. "Halt, oh 'mighty' dragon! Give up thy treasure, or be slain where you stand!"

Spoiler: Anna, or you just can call her Courier (click to show/hide)

Name: Anna (Everyone calls her Courier, though...)
Description/Appearance: A cybernetically-enhanced human woman of Asian descent. She has an elegant short black hair, brown eyes, light tan skin, and pretty average body build. Wears a duster, 1st Recon beret, and a pair of fingerless gloves. Uses Pipboy as a mean to access her inventory, which is filled with a vast arsenal of firearms, explosives, and melee weapons. An extremely skilled combatant whose cybernetics also gave her peak human strength and extreme duralibity.
Why do you want milk: I just got teleported to a completely different place, maybe even time-travelled: The first thing I would need is some refreshing brahmin milk for my brain.

Anna appears outside the village, right in the center of it. Anna is stunned to see how different is the world around her: There's no dusty, sandy desert or extremely dry badlands around her. Instead, there are green woods, fields of non-mutated wheat, and buildings which aren't made from an ugly mix of rusty metal, wires, and old, crumbling concrete. The only thing similar to her world is that the people have a rather poor hygiene. Being overwhelmed by how healthy-looking is the world she's in right now, Anna decides to ask locals where she can buy and drink brahmin milk, so that her mind calms down a little.

Asks the locals where I can buy brahmin milk.
Head to the place selling brahmin milk, should the locals share the information.

1

You walk into the village. It reminds you a bit of Goodsprings. However, the locals seem untrusting of outsiders. Some mock your unusual clothes, while the more polite ones admit they don't know what a "brahmin" is.

Name: Mug
Description: A simple, ceramic mug.
Why do you want milk? To be filled with the divine ichor and ascend to godhood.

Try to move in the direction of milk.

3

You wiggle around on a table outside what passes for a pub here. Your former owner looks on in confusion. He doesn't try to stop you, figuring he's already had enough to drink. You manage to fall off and land safely on your side. At least now you're ready to roll out.

Name: Ziizo
Description: Either a normal human that loves cloaks or a vampire nobody is sure.
Why do you want milk?: Breakfast, milk tastes fine when mixed with me favored drink.

take a horse and gallop to the next village.

6

You walk out into the day, making sure to keep your head properly bowed. Nobody knows whether this gesture is intended to protect you from the Sun's cleansing light or just to keep that properly mysterious shadowing. Maybe both? Anyway, you spot an unattended horse just sitting out in the open outside the church. You hop on and ride off past the wheat fields toward the nearest village. As you leave, a knight bursts out of the church doors. He sees you absconding with his horse and shakes his mailed fist in the air. Hopefully nothing will ever come of that.

Name: Gerald "The Great" Goatsby
Description: An aging goatman normal human wizard with ties to an secret occult society.
Why do you want milk? For potions and experiments.

Attempt to create a magically self-replenishing milk fountain in the center of town with transmutation magic.

6

You're the great Goatsby. Your name is completely non-indicative and isn't a hint toward you being something other than a human. Especially not a goat. Checking the village supplies, you notice there isn't any milk. Grumbling in annoyance, you incant an eldritch spell of perpetual replenishment. Perhaps you did not use quite the correct spell. A little geyser of milk begins to spurt from the center of the village grounds. However, the ground begins to warp and twist underneath it. A bird lands to drink from it, and the milk replenishes itself by promptly melting the bird into more milk. This could quickly become a bit more milk than you intended.

Name: 'Doctor' Matteo Schubert von Alvritcke
Description: A rather creepy-looking fellow clad in a ragged variety of dark-coloured, ill-fitting clothing. His bony, unhealthily pale head is almost entirely hairless save for a pair of greasy sideburns.
Why do you want milk? To revive and power my human flesh golem, assembled from stolen bodyparts in my spooky old manor house a mile from the village. I tried channelling lightning into my monster but it didn't seem to do the trick. In the future words of the meme wizards of the 21st century, "he needs some milk".

(No action)

You enter a quaint village to buy milk. The watchman informs you that they don't actually have any available at the moment. It appears that a thief took the entire supply last night. He's as surprised as you, honestly.

Name: Adam Simons
Description: Adam had always believed himself to be a normal person, but one day he stumbled upon something no normal human could witness. He saw a fight between a demon and an angel, in their full glory. He was bathed in the hellfire and heavenly light from the battle, and he gained powers like no other person. He gained the power of an angel and a demon, and he chose to use them to help.
Why do you want milk?: "I'm starting with small goals first."

Summon a magic sword

4

As all this is said and done, a mysterious stranger wanders into town. Adam Simons gestures and a magic sword appears in his hand. It is divided down the middle between reddish black and white-gold halves.

[Doomblade187]

Drink the milk. ALL OF IT.

[CABL]

Anna notices that the milk geyser has erupted; and not only that, but the geyser turns everything into more milk. Once she snaps out of outburst of shock and confusion, she points at the geyser and screams, "An unusual type of geyser has erupted, and it seems to turn everything it touches into milk, stay away from it!" After warning the citizens, she decided to rephrase herself, since there were no brahmins pre-War.

Ask where I can buy cow milk.
Go and buy a jug of cow milk for myself. Hopefully they at very least accept dollars (aka pre-War money) as currency.