Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[randomgenericusername]

Since this place is called the Bazaar, I'll assume they have milk avaible for trade. Find someone willing to trade some milk in exchange of a tankard full of divine mead. Hopefully, milk isn't rare enough to be more valuable than a literal drink from the gods.

[King Zultan]

Kick him in the dick then shoot him with the death ray until he's dead.

[CABL]

Attempt to kill the unrelated mass of tentacles Tell the mass of tentacles to move along, then find the true janitor, but do not engage him and simply tail him.

[Enemy post]

Attempt to kill the unrelated mass of tentacles, then find the true janitor, but do not engage him and simply tail him.

Are you sure? It's just a random civilian. You can do it, I just didn't expect this character to kill people for no reason.

[CABL]

Are you sure? It's just a random civilian. You can do it, I just didn't expect this character to kill people for no reason.

Yeah, it's a bit OOC, now that I think about it. I'll change it.

[Enemy post]

Turn 13

You should choose your words wisely. Force the information of him, with the help of my adoptive son, Squidward.

6

Squidward's humble personage bows before your grandeur. You thoroughly question the expert with the help of your adopted son. He eventually expires before you can get all the information you need, but he does confirm some crucial bits of information. There are six Infinite Dairy products in total, and you need to collect them all to realize your vision. The first and probably simplest of the set is a sample of milk from a chupacabra.

Well, I'm glad my poor roll didn't actually do any permanent damage. Thanks, SM.

Just have the bot put on some standard clothing. At worst it'll just look ridiculous, which is better than intimidating.

2

You try putting on clothing, but it tears on the shifting plates of your metal body. The surviving rags don't do much to make you look less intimidating.

Find a computer terminal, and use it to access the Bazaar’s financial records and accounts. Begin siphoning the money used to purchase repairs back into the ship’s accounts.

2

You stomp over to a terminal in your hardsuit and attempt to hack the Bazaar. Unfortunately, the Bazaar has invested in state-of-the-art Sreratv encryption technology for their financial dealings.

politely greet the alien couple then grab The bag of potatoes.

2,1

You wave to the aliens and attempt to grab the potatoes, but the gesture actually outrages them and causes them to fight against you. You'd think this would be a lesson in how seemingly innocent gestures can easily be misinterpreted across a cultural divide, but in fact this couple is just arbitrarily cruel. You shake them off and your fingers brush against the potatoes for an instant before a transporter beam grabs ahold of you. The rapid motion of the rickshaw causes a slight malfunction, and you find yourself somewhere deep inside the Moloko.

Seeing the good progress on upgrades to the ship, and slightly annoyed that it has to 'function', see about getting some money back into my accounts. Maybe sell a blood emerald or two.

1

You try to sell your blood emeralds, but it looks like you recently ran out of those. You're also fresh out of conflict diamonds, genocide rubies, atrocity sapphires, massacre amethyst, cursed doubloons, and arson pearls. This poses a problem.

Silence: Gives Douge a pat on the head
Silence: Sends Douge out to find a random item using his new found powers of math and science!
Silence: Attempts to find something that explains what Douge actually is

(I know he is a basilisk but I dont think Silence knows that since he kinda just bought it on a whim so lets see how this goes lol)

3, 1

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Send bazaar police department information about our janitor trying to start mutiny on our ship  and his photo

6

You contact the police and inform them of your janitor's traitorous actions. They angrily demand to know why your ship brought such a dangerous criminal to their asteroid.

Now then, I think the best thing to do now is to put the janitor on trial for insubordination, destruction of private property, and attempt to mutiny.

6

You order that the janitor be brought in for trial, but for some reason he's moving really quickly at the moment. The transporters beam him aboard, but lose track of him somewhere in the ventral decks.

Since this place is called the Bazaar, I'll assume they have milk avaible for trade. Find someone willing to trade some milk in exchange of a tankard full of divine mead. Hopefully, milk isn't rare enough to be more valuable than a literal drink from the gods.

4

You float up to a dairy merchant and manifest before him, offering a deal. The merchant takes it surprisingly well. After they finish screaming and running around, they take your Asgardian mead in exchange for a bottle of milk harvested from an Earth chupacabra.

Five of Seven coughs up the star he choked on.

You win the game!!! (again)

What do you do next?

Kick him in the dick then shoot him with the death ray until he's dead.

1 vs 3

You try to rise into a kick, but the mysterious figure strikes you back down with his crowbar and swats the death ray out of your hands. When you hit the ground, you see a strand of your own DNA has fallen out. It clinks against the pavement as the figure reaches for it.

Attempt to kill the unrelated mass of tentacles Tell the mass of tentacles to move along, then find the true janitor, but do not engage him and simply tail him.

4, 4

You dismiss the unrelated squid monster and follow the janitor's tracks. You see him fighting with the passengers in a rickshaw for a moment before a transporter beam grabs him. You rush forward to avoid being left behind and follow him up. It's dark, but you'd recognize the inside of your own ship anywhere.

[Glass]

sample of milk from a chupacabra.

This fuckery XD

Anyway try some more durable clothing. Maybe something with elastic in it, so it can stretch better? Of course, remove the rags as part of this.
Even if I can't get it to work now, I can at least have it ready for later.

And also figure out where the janitor's unknown location in the ship is. Send securitybots to apprehend them if found.

[King Zultan]

Grab my the knife that's hidden on my person and stab the DNA thief, then grab my DNA and put it back inside me.

[sprinkled chariot]

Ugh, bazaar police, well, we did not know, that our janitor would turn out to be dangerous xeno criminal, but unless you assist us in eliminating him , he would probably push revolt to your bazaar.

As all the problems we had so far were caused by actions of xenos, go to bioweapons lab and look for any sample which is lethal to nonhuman lifeforms.

[ziizo]

go to the robot repair room to see if the robots there were repaired (and had their Dapperness increased) with the rest of the ship.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

To Space Mexico then. In search of a Chupathingie.

[CABL]

Pursue the traitorous janitor and butt him with my Zweihander, hopefully knocking him unconscious.
Put him in the brig/ship's jail.

[Fluffe9911]

Silence: Waits for Douge to get back
Silence: Gives Douge some food and water for his hard work
Silence: Looks at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks at Douge
Silence: Looks back at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks back at Douge
Silence: Paints Douge black
Silence: Gives a thumbs up

[Smoke Mirrors]

I'd just like to say right now that Joshua has extra-sensory perception when it comes to world ending scenarios.

locate the janitor and have him brought in for trial on the previously stated charges.

[Imic]

Quietly curse, and have a stiff drink to calm my nerves. Once inebriated, go to the highest security area I can with a bucket and mop, tell them I’m going to be cleaning up, and then use the terminals there to bypass security measures of the bazaar and re-organize every single thing on sale, by placing nappies in the frozen food sections, men’s clothing in the medecine sections, and extremely smelly cheese in the places that sell perfume. If that works, then find some way of activating a security alert there using the chaos caused as a distration to the Bazaar’s AI. From there, put every single penny in the Bazaar’s vaults into our ship’s account. If I can’t have milk for my tea, I’ll cause confusing, one-sided chaos until I can come across some by chance.