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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9795032 times)

Acanthus117

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5145 on: May 05, 2010, 11:14:36 pm »

Sometimes, I stop and think. I think about... well... random things. Life, Death, Food, DF, etc. At times, I think about these things so much that I kinda forget who I am. This usually lasts for a few minutes, then I realize "Holy shit who am I?!" and then it rushes all back to me, and it seems like it's new. I swear, if I see my brother's face after this happens, I go "so that's how he looks like." It really scares yet thrills me.

And makes me a bit sad.
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Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5146 on: May 05, 2010, 11:31:18 pm »

Yeah, single's getting to me too. Whatever.

What's getting to me is that I changed my personality so that I'm suddenly non- or at least much less-annoying, got in (much better) shape, and fixed a plethora of social problems... and there's no one around to practice making friends with :I  I can't say I'm lonely, because I'm really not.  My social requirements are basically null, and I have some non-parental people to talk to when needed (i.e. once a week, if that).  It's more that I'd like to meet some new folks in a context other than the kendo battlefield or the fiercely competitive mathematical arena.  I mean, I even stopped dressing like a crazy person!  I don't carry the paper parasol everywhere, I'm dressed normally (ish), I can apparently communicate all right... and I've stopped pointing out logical fallacies whenever people give any sort of example.

Okay, I honestly still don't know how to make friends outside of a classroom setting.  No bloody clue.  I guess I just need to spend a month or two running simulations until I have a model that lets me do more than "Hi, I'm Vector.  Pleased to meet you, Aureliusz.  Uh.... Er.... ByeI'mleavingnowthere'ssomethingIhavetodoovertherenoreallyit'simportantlaternicetie."  And then I trip, laugh at myself, and go curl up somewhere in hopes that 'Aureliusz' and I will never meet again.

Blech.  The road keeps looking longer and longer, and even though I'm at a place where things are okay, I wish I were at a place where everything has become really okay.  I wish I were in a position where I no longer had to worry about the rules of who says hello first and what's supposed to come after.

Oh, well.  I'm getting there.  Just got to dig my heels in a little bit harder.




Oh, and for those who were wondering about the social problems: when I'm nervous, which used to be pretty much always, I've been known to engage in almost everything on this list.  More stress -> more jumbled speech (plus the occasional stutter and/or weird accent that shows up).

I also suck at that whole "open-ended conversation" thing, as well as that "not being a total creepo/weirdo" thing.  Trust me, it's rather more obvious in real life.
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bjlong

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5147 on: May 05, 2010, 11:50:01 pm »

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Make some friends!

Yeah, trying. It's just when people ask me what my major is, and I say "physics," they run. So I guess I should say something like "Bunnies." or "Robotic laser raptors."

Also doesn't help that the only friend I've got who wants to introduce me to his friends is hanging out with a theater crowd. The type that make their own drama, and have sex with each other at the drop of a Shakespearean reference.

Stuff.

So, there are two types of people in the social world: those who can squeeze conversation out of a rock, and rocks. Believe it or not, you might be a rock.

But! If you can come up with two lead-in questions, you'll be at sort of this happy medium. Lead in questions are stupid questions that people can tell stories to. Examples: "So, you had a final today?" "Slow day at work, huh?" And, if you feel like sounding like a creep, "Huh, so where are you headed?" Stupid? Yes. Can I tell a story to 'em? Yes. If they drop the ball twice, you're pretty much being given a "shove off" message.

Practice on cashiers during slow hours. They're dying from boredom, usually.
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smigenboger

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5148 on: May 05, 2010, 11:58:08 pm »

Yes, entrap people who are practically forced to talk to you : P

Honestly, I'd like to meet people out of the college setting, and that's where I have no clue bout stuff. Aside from an awesome relationship spurned out of a trip to Europe, all my old networks had stemmed from school. Or, strangely, from two key people, one from programming class, and one randomly at a department store who went to school. From there it blossomed into some crazy web of cliques, but since that's gone, I have no clue where to start again

The REC Center is where I work out and where I took Kung Fu, but the demographic is either 'underdeveloped' or 'white and wrinkly', and then me, with my well-toned belly
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Itnetlolor

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5149 on: May 06, 2010, 12:20:59 am »

After many years of... non-experience, I can safely say that I give up, and am plenty willing to take up hermitage. At least I can enjoy my lonliness with peace and solitude. BTW, I've been noticing lately that relationships of any sort are overrated, and with the economy as it is, not worth the extra strain on the ol' bank account.

For what it's worth, I'm making myself as dismotivated to have a relationship of any kind as possible. At least avenge my past for it's lack of companionship. My inner demons of lonliness should no longer bother me. Those things have made me really not like myself anytime I wanted to approach someone. Unusual perk of my dismotivation, I'm no longer nervous about asking women out anymore because I already know the answer. Why bother? Instead of (attempt to figure out how to) flirt with someone (or figure out if they're flirting with you), bullshit with them instead. Conversation is conversation. Let's keep it that way. KISS (Keep it simple stupid).

Despite the recent luck elsewhere, I still don't see any point being with anyone for a lifetime anymore. Love, lose, repeat.

Tis' better to not love before than to have loved and lost.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2010, 12:32:32 am by Itnetlolor »
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ein

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5150 on: May 06, 2010, 12:27:47 am »

Nothing motivates work like knowing that If you don't finish everything within two hours, you're fucked on a whole notha' level. Also, I have three projects all due tomorrow.
They're all pretty simple though.
I just have to find the rubric paper for two of them so I know what to do.

Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5151 on: May 06, 2010, 12:38:17 am »

So, there are two types of people in the social world: those who can squeeze conversation out of a rock, and rocks. Believe it or not, you might be a rock.

I know ;_;  When talking about the social learning ladder, someone used to say "Oh, it's like the blind leading Helen Keller leading a rock."  In that example, Thyme is Helen Keller.  I am the rock.


But! If you can come up with two lead-in questions, you'll be at sort of this happy medium. Lead in questions are stupid questions that people can tell stories to. Examples: "So, you had a final today?" "Slow day at work, huh?" And, if you feel like sounding like a creep, "Huh, so where are you headed?" Stupid? Yes. Can I tell a story to 'em? Yes. If they drop the ball twice, you're pretty much being given a "shove off" message.

Practice on cashiers during slow hours. They're dying from boredom, usually.

But!  Thank you so bloody much for the advice.  Now I even know what the shove off sign is, so I don't have to deal with people saying "LOOK.  Why don't you get this?  Just GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY."  :D  Vector feels better.

Vector feels slightly less good about her woefully inadequate !!social skills!!, but ... bleh.  Kendo is over until next Tuesday, and I already feel like I need to beat someone up.  Probably not the most healthy reaction, but goddammit, I'm frustrated and my muscles have already mostly regenerated.  Maybe I'll go join a second dojo.


The REC Center is where I work out and where I took Kung Fu, but the demographic is either 'underdeveloped' or 'white and wrinkly', and then me, with my well-toned belly

Wait, so basically you want to make friends with/date the tan and muscular?  Interesting.  I'm in the market for the skinny, nerdish set >_>  Well, not right now, but in a year or two.


Despite the recent luck elsewhere, I still don't see any point being with anyone for a lifetime anymore. Love, lose, repeat.

I dunno.  I just want to love someone, and be loved--and I suppose that's naive.  I've been lonely and far, far outside the population for so long, though, that I think it would be nice to have someone I really knew, who knew me just as well.  I suppose the difference between us is that I just don't give up.  It's pretty stupid, at times, but I guess it can help.

The clincher is really that I don't know how to be close to anyone.  By the time I figure it out, I may be dead.


Blehhhh... hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
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Itnetlolor

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5152 on: May 06, 2010, 12:43:42 am »

Despite the recent luck elsewhere, I still don't see any point being with anyone for a lifetime anymore. Love, lose, repeat.
I dunno.  I just want to love someone, and be loved--and I suppose that's naive.  I've been lonely and far, far outside the population for so long, though, that I think it would be nice to have someone I really knew, who knew me just as well.  I suppose the difference between us is that I just don't give up.  It's pretty stupid, at times, but I guess it can help.

The clincher is really that I don't know how to be close to anyone.  By the time I figure it out, I may be dead.


Blehhhh... hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
I just hope there really is a Heaven and some sort of salvation if/when the Apocalypse comes. So far, I'm counting on that to happen; if not, I can still make many people not live it down. IE- a majority of my conversation starters for my 10-year high-school reunion would be about the sudden population boom post-2012. :P

Solifuge

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5153 on: May 06, 2010, 01:22:50 am »

Vector, I don't believe you are as socially clueless as you seem to be convinced that you are. There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity, and I think that at the very worst you'd just be socially ignorant.

Awkwardness is a different horse entirely than Social skills. I'm reasonably eloquent, but I'm shy and awkward as heck in a lot of spoken conversations, especially with people I don't know well. I tend to listen far more than I speak, and when I do speak I like to mull over my words for a bit before saying them, so I can be sure I'm saying exactly what I want to say. At other times, when I'm in rapid-fire conversations, I tend to resort to cliche conversation bits, while organizing my thoughts in the back of my brain. I also tend to be either really serious, or really silly... the only time I end up in the conversational middle-ground is when I don't know/care about a subject, or haven't formed an opinion yet. Also, when under pressure I've been known to repeat myself, or even stammer like an idiot (happened last time I asked someone on a date, and it was an Epic Fail, I must say.)

Also, how can you not know how to be close to anyone? In my experience, it's a two-sided thing resulting from being comfortable and knowledgeable about one another; a matter of knowing someone else, and being able to trust them to speak your mind with, share experiences with, etc.

I'm really tired right now, so I'm probably babbling... but my points stand.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2010, 01:24:38 am by Solifuge »
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Gunner-Chan

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5154 on: May 06, 2010, 01:28:58 am »

Resolving one problem made me realize how petty I can be.

But...
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Grakelin

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5155 on: May 06, 2010, 02:22:49 am »

Wow, you just provided me with hours of fun!
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Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5156 on: May 06, 2010, 02:47:49 am »

Vector, I don't believe you are as socially clueless as you seem to be convinced that you are. There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity, and I think that at the very worst you'd just be socially ignorant.

Doodabuddy, I've lived with a litany of being called a socially-retarded freak with no sense of humor for most of my life.  Personality-less, an icy-cold bitch, whatever.  I'm a lot better now, yeah, but I can still remember those times quite clearly.  Somehow I expect yet another person to turn around and say something like "why are you stealing my culture" or "so, what country are you from, anyway?" or the ever-popular "you need to generate a sense of humor." 

So yeah, I'm sure as hell glad that I've managed to come off relatively clueful on the forums.  I'm still worried--probably unreasonably worried--about those little things people say to make one feel like an eternal outsider.  I can't tell if I've made it "inside" yet.  I'm "inside" on these forums, and I know how I made it "inside"--but I don't know if the same principles will apply to real life, or if I'll end up playing the eternal foreigner once again.


Awkwardness is a different horse entirely than Social skills. I'm reasonably eloquent, but I'm shy and awkward as heck in a lot of spoken conversations, especially with people I don't know well. I tend to listen far more than I speak, and when I do speak I like to mull over my words for a bit before saying them, so I can be sure I'm saying exactly what I want to say. At other times, when I'm in rapid-fire conversations, I tend to resort to cliche conversation bits, while organizing my thoughts in the back of my brain. I also tend to be either really serious, or really silly... the only time I end up in the conversational middle-ground is when I don't know/care about a subject, or haven't formed an opinion yet. Also, when under pressure I've been known to repeat myself, or even stammer like an idiot (happened last time I asked someone on a date, and it was an Epic Fail, I must say.)

Try either complete silence or long tirades that switch topic every few sentences, coupled with maniacal laughter and zero eye contact.  Not in the cute "looking at your shoulder, glancing at your face, looking back at your shoulder" way.  In the "I can't keep my eyes on your eyes so they're going everywhere."  It's... how can I explain it?  I don't want to argue for "I have horribad interpersonal skills."  Sometimes they're pretty good, I think.  I hear I'm charismatic, charming, and have a good sense of humor.  I learned all these things with a lot of care.  I've come a long way from being the little girl who makes friends with trees and ignores her classmates.

I still slip sometimes, though, and that's terrifying.  I'll be in the middle of talking to someone, and then I realize that I can't read their facial expression.  Maybe I'll notice that I've been rambling in a semi-monotonic mumble for five minutes straight... or perhaps it's three to four hours, all on one subject my conversational "partner" doesn't give a fig about.  Maybe I'll find that my mind has suddenly dropped all its information on the person I'm talking to, so that suddenly I'm conversing with a stranger, rather than a friend.  Or maybe it'll be one of those strange moments, when I realize that I'm no longer speaking in English.  Perhaps it's a flash of insight: "I am walking down the halls wearing a bright yellow jeogori and I don't understand why this is unusual.  I have files on hand that explain why it is unusual, but I do not fundamentally understand why there are not other students walking around dressed like me."

It's that sort of thing.  I call it social stupidity because it makes me feel stupid.


Also, how can you not know how to be close to anyone? In my experience, it's a two-sided thing resulting from being comfortable and knowledgeable about one another; a matter of knowing someone else, and being able to trust them to speak your mind with, share experiences with, etc.

Yup.  Now, to explain how I look at your statements:

It's a two-sided thing - query: initiation of two-sided relationship?  How do we do this thing?  how do we determine if a relationship is two-sided?  how do we rebalance a one-sided relationship?  when do we consider the one-sided relationship too one-sided?
resulting from being comfortable - how to detect comfort?  how to create comfort?  how to resolve discomfort?
and knowledgeable about one another - how to gain knowledge?  how to establish knowledge?  how to know if other feels knowledgeable?

a matter of knowing someone else - ... okay, how is this done?  Where do we rate "knowledgeable?" 
and being able to trust them to speak your mind with - similar questioning
share experiences with. - how do we maneuver situations so that shared experiences occur with a potential interesting individual?  at which point does the particular mental simulation become accurate enough to consider advancing plans?

etc. - what the hell I don't even


Now, you might be saying "you're making a mountain out of a molehill, Vector!" and you'd be partially right.  I know how to do a couple of the above things.  I am struggling mightily with them--and if one more person says "just let things happen," I will stab that person with a fork.  "Just let things happen" has led to my saying things like "Wait, we're friends?  I didn't know!"  Then I lose the friend in question, and everything goes bad.  Sure, I don't do that anymore (learned my lesson).  I do similar things.  There's hundreds of questions I have to fill in, bit by bit, sometimes by questioning people and sometimes by my own careful experimentation.  It's a slow process, and extremely frustrating.
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Grakelin

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5157 on: May 06, 2010, 03:54:58 am »

Doodabuddy, I've lived with a litany of being called a socially-retarded freak with no sense of humor for most of my life.  Personality-less, an icy-cold bitch, whatever.  I'm a lot better now, yeah, but I can still remember those times quite clearly.  Somehow I expect yet another person to turn around and say something like "why are you stealing my culture" or "so, what country are you from, anyway?" or the ever-popular "you need to generate a sense of humor." 

Well, yeah, you're a math student, of course people say that.
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Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5158 on: May 06, 2010, 04:21:40 am »

Well, yeah, you're a math student, of course people say that.

 ::)

Yeah, I know ._.  Stupid stereotypes with a strong basis in reality.
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bjlong

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #5159 on: May 06, 2010, 08:32:19 am »

But!  Thank you so bloody much for the advice.

I read this and thought, "Oh, shit. I insulted her or something. Damnit, I don't want to eat crow." Then I read the rest of your post and thought "Oh, okay, I think she's actually thanking me here."

The internet, ladies and gentlemen. Facilitating misunderstandings at a whole new level.

In any case, don't worry about it too much. I'm pretty much a rock as well. I got through this challenge like I got through every other challenge: by pretending it's a battle, and then saying to myself "fuck it, I'm going to win." Not really all that insightful, but there it is.

Doodabuddy, I've lived with a litany of being called a socially-retarded freak with no sense of humor for most of my life.  Personality-less, an icy-cold bitch, whatever.  I'm a lot better now, yeah, but I can still remember those times quite clearly.  Somehow I expect yet another person to turn around and say something like "why are you stealing my culture" or "so, what country are you from, anyway?" or the ever-popular "you need to generate a sense of humor." 

So yeah, I'm sure as hell glad that I've managed to come off relatively clueful on the forums.  I'm still worried--probably unreasonably worried--about those little things people say to make one feel like an eternal outsider.  I can't tell if I've made it "inside" yet.  I'm "inside" on these forums, and I know how I made it "inside"--but I don't know if the same principles will apply to real life, or if I'll end up playing the eternal foreigner once again.

So there aren't any overriding principles besides look ok, smell nice, and try to make sure the conversation is a two-way thing. Tell stories, jokes, and make fun of yourself--those generally work. But yeah, social stuff is annoying.

"Generate a sense of humor?" The litany of extended metaphor jokes is practically boundless! "Yeah, sorry, the sarcasm humor plant had to be shut down--safety hazards and all. We're working on a clean humor source, one that gets all the humor from the pun, but it's really not all that efficient right now." I hope that was something that people actually said to you--it makes the world just a little bit more hilarious.

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"Just let things happen" has led to my saying things like "Wait, we're friends?  I didn't know!"  Then I lose the friend in question, and everything goes bad.

That quote is awesome. I don't know why the friend in question took offense--I would be laughing my head off. Not at you, just that it's a big deal that the relationship can be called "friendship." ... this is probably why I'm single. >_>
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