Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Zaik]

Dead Urist,

er,

Dear Urist,

When I tell you to build a wall/floodgate/grate/etc. to keep something out, i do NOT expect or want you to go on the side of the wall/floodgate/grate/etc. that the thing i am trying to keep out is on to build it, then trap yourself inside. I will leave you in there next time to die i swear it, tantrum spiral be damned.

[Medicine Man]

Dear Urist

For Armok's sake,stop hauling that sock and GET TO FIGHTING THOSE GOBBO'S!

Signed,.....

[geoduck]

Dear Stoneworkers:

Perhaps this has already been mentioned, but there are much much closer rocks you can use than those ones all the way down at the bottom of the map in the tombs. They are just as good! Really!

[Samuel]

Dear Diplomat who's name I do not care to remember,

I do indeed regret not having a trade depot up when you arrived, as it was an inconvenience for both of us. This, however, does not justify you striding into my fortress and walking around, snooping into every room. I am a patient man, and I was willing to tolerate this. What ultimately brought my patience to it's limit was when you walked into my Expedition Leader's bedroom to watch her while she slept. That's some Edward Cullen bullshit. You two hadn't even met, you creep.

Enjoy floating around the lake, which is quickly stagnating due to being filled with your rotting flesh.

Signed,
Samuel

[DrGravitas]

Dear Rags of Sacrificing: Military of Furnace of Executioners,

  I know you are all quite disappointed about our recent training exercises. Yes, it's quite sad that you, with your bronze armor and silver warhammers, took such a pounding from 6 mountain goats and 2 deer. Yes, it's a pretty depressing fact knowing that the animals in question were forced over no less than 10 stone-fall traps and yet still their kicks fell upon you with vigor enough to do such harm. But, be glad! For I had 4 caged Unicorns that I could have released instead!

On a special note, Urist McMayorWarrior:

 Please do not fall asleep within the death training chamber again. Your wounds are your own fault for sleeping through no less than 2 enraged goats kicking at your limp body. Be glad one of them had lost a hoof to the Stone-fall traps. Please do not take this out on another dwarf and sentence them to beatings. F.O.X. does not have sufficient any guards to carry out your punishments and you'll only be disappointing yourself further.

P.S. No, McMayorWarrior, we are not building you 2 elk bird horn items. Live with it or die.

Edited P.P.S. The 3 Unicorn 1 deer chamber is now prepared. Please suit up and join your new brothers-in-arms, The Released Tools in the designated area.

Signed,
Your severely disappointed Supreme Commander.

[Shurhaian]

Attention ~brave~ warriors of The Hollow Gates, first-named defenders of Kedzefon:

Your schedule and your uniform are not to be viewed as optional. You have been instructed to be in full battle dress at all times, and to have no less than five of you - half your number - training at any given time before any may be off-duty at all. To date, your captain has demonstrated his superior leadership skills by fetching his gear, acquiring rations, filling his waterskin, and reporting to the barracks to drill.

It would be greatly appreciated if anyone else in the squad would stir himself to so much as glance at the armory.

Signed,

Your Overseer
Dear Overseer,

It is much easier to whip my recruits into shape if you tell me who's supposed to be in the squad.

Yrs,
Captain, The Hollow Gates

[nonobots]

Memo to the kitchen and farmer staff,

It has been reported that you are cleaning up the water and muddy floors in the northwest chamber.

We all love a clean environment and we know you don't have much to do, as we just arrived here. If you want any chance of practicing your trade anytime soon you will stop all cleaning activities and you will join your fellows in irrigating the northwest chamber by hauling buckets.

Thanks
Thirsty and Hungry Overseer

[AngleWyrm]

Dear Urist McMoody,

I realize this is a delicate time for you, just please be aware that there is in fact no such thing as a "Rock Bar."

Thanks for your understanding,
-The voice of reason

[Urist Imiknorris]

Rock bars mean metal bars.

[Golcondio]

Note to Urist McFurnitureHauler:

No, "item blocking site" is not a excuse to goof off instead of placing the much needed 70 gold tables and 200 gold thrones in our newly-mined legendary dining hall.
In fact, if only you had half a fly's brain, you would notice that the "item" that is "blocking site" is a goddamned ROCK that has been marked for DUMPING because IT IS BLOCKING THE LOVEMAKING SITE!!!
The first one to ever suspend the task, I will make sure he/she's also too tired to sleep, too hungry to eat and too thirsty to drink (and of course too insane to clean self).
The others will directly carve fortifications on the volcano wall.

Signed,
Logistics Management

[ungulateman]

That rock won't be hauled because you marked it for dumping. The dwarves will refuse to move it until it gets dumped.

[Golcondio]

I know that perfectly well, darling. It's just damn inconvenient

[newto]

Dear Urist McBoneCrafter

I understand you were injured by the mysterious blob of salt that threatened our fortress while trying to collect some wood. A broken left false rib and left lung ARE fairly serious injuries, but unfortunately we have no gypsum and are reliant on dwarven traders for cast supplies and injuries to soldiers and hunters take priority.

I am not judging your choice to stay unconscious since the attack, but Urist McLegendaryMiner and Urist McBrokerSiegeOperator are both missing hands and are capable of working.

I would suggest arranging transport from the dining room to the hospital, as it is not appropriate to lie unconscious on the floor for SEVEN YEARS for a broken rib.

[breadbocks]

THE LOVEMAKING SITE!!!

This was all I saw. Where can I report to the lovemaking site, sir?

[Internet Kraken]

Dear Doctors of Townbrush,



Good job morons.