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Total Members Voted: 319

[Darvi]

I put you in charge of nothing. You were an animal trainer to begin with.

[Mormota]

Set me to mining, train me to legendary in it and I'll go and own those goblins! (Don't send me out on a suicide mission please. )

[ThatAussieGuy]

Set me to mining, train me to legendary in it and I'll go and own those goblins! (Don't send me out on a suicide mission please. )

When you're a Failcannon dwarf, EVERY mission's a suicide mission!

[Darvi]

Miners are pretty much the one thing we don't need right now, but 'kay.

[Mormota]

Yeah, but it's the easiest and fastest weapon skill to train. And what we do need is a military to allow migrants to get in.

[Darvi]

Considering that the Gobbos are currently stuck on the eastern plateau, I don't really see a reason to kill them.

And really, it takes more than some mining for a single dwarf to take on two dozen goblins, three of which are elites. I'd build a danger room, but mechanics and I aren't exactly best buddies.

[Darvi]

Making progress right now. Making the most of everybody's hauling skills and Mormota's a level 7 miner now. Also ordered some coffins to be made so we can get rid of the partial skeletons everywhere.

Kinda like spring cleaning 'cept it's midsummer.

Also doing a bit of management with the rooms. Most notably, moved Dariush out of his hole into a proper bedroom and Urist seemed to have three bedrooms and an office that he shared with Catalyst.

[Darvi]

"Alright, alright, everybody be quiet. Good, now lets get this started", Mekboy declared. "This is the thirteenth biweekly Failcannon  committee meeting of..."
"536"
"- of the year 536. To start, I want to congratulate each and every one of us for the good work in cleaning the fortress, and especially Urist for finally fixing that sporing bridge, pardon my language."
"Was nothing", Urist replied, slightly embarassed.
"For that, she shall receive the honor of making the first proposal today."
I gotta say, it's inconventional, but this method is surprisingly effective in fulfilling everybody's demands, provided they are reasonable enough. That way everybody's happy with the minimal effort on everybody else's part.
No wonder those guys got exiled.
"Thank you. Now, there's urgent matters at hand. We all know that the goblins have been besieging us for a while..."
"Well duh", Dariush snarks. "Where's the problem there? They cannot reach us in here!"
"For now maybe, but eventually they will figure out that they can just walk around it if they go back a few zones, or maybe even build ladders!"
"Now you're being crazy. Ladders. Next you'll be telling me that dragons aren't real!"
"The point is that there's only that wall and a handful of stonefall traps between them and us. At the inevitable event that they come storming at us riding on skeletal rhinoceroses we'll be, bluntly, screwed. Which is why I propose that we get our military (not including our dear mayor) back up and running again."
"I'm telling you, the goblins are harmless. Like ugly garden gnomes. Fitting for the local scenery."
"I dunno, the color of human flesh doesn't mesh well with their green tone..."

"This seems like a good moment for me to speak up...". Mormota gets up from his throne.
"Yes, go on."
"Well, I was going to volunteer for digging out some new space for storage, but as the military commander, it is also my duty to oversee military training."
"And what does extra storage space have to do with goblins?"
I see. Dariush's the mandatory obstructive sceptic.
"Nothing actually, I just thought that all the digging would give me lots of muscles and thought that might be worth mentioning..."
"Good for you then. Any other volunteers?"
...Silence. Everybody's looking each other in the eyes. Except for Aussie, who has fallen asleep.
I am so going to regret what I'm about to do now.
"I have some experience and evading hostile creatures, as well as with the crossbow."
"Excellent! A few fortifications, and you can kill anything without it getting to you!"
"Unless it can fly. Or is small enough to get through the holes. Or can break the fortifications. Or is already on this side."
"Don't you worry!", Mormota tries to cheer me up. "The two of us, we'll handle everything! Sticks and stones may break your bones but they're still no match for my adamantine pick!"
"That's... reassuring... Speaking of bones, I have noticed a disturbing lack of a hospital. Our small number makes it even more imperative that we heal our wounded a.s.a.p."
"Aight, I'll dig that out too then. Dariush can carry the stuff in there."
"Wha-"
"Any objections?"
A murmur goes through the room. Nobody seems to be opposed to the idea of a hospital. Or to having Dariush work as a pack mule, for that matter.

"Now listen, why me? I have to do all the hard work, and Aussie has barely done anything since arriving here!"
"Good point". Mekboy nods. "She's stated to be an animal trainer, but there's not much around here to train is there?"
"Unless she was the one who taught the skeletal birds the delicate art of vandalism." Urist laughs at her own joke.
"Well, she can do the next thing then. She'll be butchering them and prepare meals out of their remains. Are we in agreement?"
*snore*
"I'll be taking that as a 'yes' then. What's next... oh, right. Despite our efforts in burrying our dead, we simply lack the receptacles to contain them all. That's why I'm going to make a dozen or two further coffins. We'll see how far we can get with those. Just... make sure you take some bones with you when you go downstairs, okay? Just every now and then, 's all I'm asking. Also, I want to hone my engraving skills for a bit. Give the new immigrants the feeling of being home when they enter their nice and smooth quarters."
"Just don't try to do any actual engravings, okay?" I cannot tell if Mormota was being serious or not.
"'scuse me?"
"Heh, yeah. Remember when she tried to engrave a piece of cheese? Everybody thought it was a plump helmet!"
"Wait, so you're telling me that's not a plump helmet?" That's quite the news to me. I thought that the engraving was odd. Plump helmets don't have spots on them.
"Err, anyway, if nobody has anything else productive to say, I'd like to end today's meeting. We've got a lot of work to do... and, er... I'm definitely not going to something horrible to Mormota's room." She leaves the room in a hurry, closely followed by Mormota.

[ThatAussieGuy]

So my new dwarf's a girl and mostly asleep?  Damn good disguise.  Who knew you could make a decent wig out of pigtails and dimple cups? Butchering animals will give him practice for his inevitable insurrection though, you wait and see...

[Darvi]

Nah, you're just the token lazy one.

That's because you keep hanging around on the surface with No Job.

[Mormota]

That was entertaining.

[Darvi]

I just checked your stats. Your strength is just below average, but your toughness and recuperation make you one hell of a tank.

[Mormota]

Mining should increase my strength a bit, and a legendary miner with an adamantine pick can one-hit anything, so... FEAR ME, GOBLINS!

[Darvi]

What goblins?

[Darvi]

"Hey Mek!"
"Hi Darv. How's it going?"
"Eh, you know. Is the training room ready?"
"Almost. Urist's about to attach the last mechanisms. Mormota's already waiting for you there."
"Aight. I see you're making some progress here. The hospital looks really nice now. And your engraving skills have increased a lot lately."
"Pfah. My engravings have always been of the highest quality. It's you culturally insensitive slobs that only begin to appreciate my art!"
"Whatever you say, sure..."

I leave through the western doorway and head towards the training room. The goblins have left over the last few months, so Mormota decided to do something else to test our combat prowess.
"Just in time. We can start now if you want to."
"Not quite." I lock the door behind me. "We don't want any skorses rampaging through the fort, do we."
"Good thinking. Now, what we have here are a pair of skeletal horsed and a ground hog. Any moment now Dariush will trigger the lever and they will get out and attack us."
"I think they already committed ten kinds of crimes against my nose." Pooh. Even with no flesh left they still stink like rot.
"That's why we're doing this, right? Kill them so we can safely dispose of them. And the risk is practically negligible!"
"If confidence could kill, you wouldn't even need your pick there. Heheh."
"Damn right. But it just feels right-"
"Wait, the cages are opening! Ready yourself!"
[...]
"Was that all?"
"Told you it would be easy."
"I could barely shoot at them, you killed them that quick." Even without extraordinary strength, Mormota cut through the undead like adamantine through bone. Which he actually literally did. "Just don't try picking your nose with that."
"Why would I want to pick- oh I get it. Nice one."
"Now let's open the door so we can tidy up this mess. And put more cages in here."
"Yea, next time should get more challenging. At least half a dozen or so of them critters."
"Speaking of your pick, we got to expand our necropolis. There's no place left and we need the space should we get any new migrants." I hand him a tablet, engraved with the plans for the new crypts. "Right below the old ones. I'd ask ya if you could do it on your own but I already know the answer."
"Damn right I can do it! You just wait and see, I'll have this dug out before Dariush and Aussie have hauled the other cages down here."

Spoiler: Here's what I added: (click to show/hide)

The huge room is the new storage for cages and other random junk. The upper room beside it is the training room. You can still see some remains there. Below it is the hospital.
That little crooked corridor above is the danger room. I guess I should put a door there in case the cats ever get too curious.