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Author Topic: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges  (Read 1991 times)

Pelander

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Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« on: September 20, 2011, 12:18:51 pm »

Geartwinkles -- Yesterday's investigation by the Royal Guard uncovered a massive smuggling ring operating out of the city's market. Twenty-one dwarves were charged with conspiring to sell figurines; a direct violation of King Phrasehall's recent ban on figurine exports. The accused included the Manager and the newest member of the Royal Guard, as well as several craftsdwarves highly-regarded both in their fields and the community.

When informed of the violation of his Royal Mandate, King Phrasehall stripped the conspirators of all titles and holdings and ordered them detained to await his judgement and sentencing. Because a member of the Royal Guard was among the accused, the City Guard was selected to carry out the arrests. We spoke with Captain Weatherfountains this morning:

"We moved as soon as we got the list from the King's steward last night -- we were hoping if we caught them by surprise, we could make the arrests without any bloodshed. Unfortunately, all of them resisted arrest, and they had to be beat into submission."

When asked why unarmed, sleeping dwarves would resist the steel-clad City Guard, Weatherfountains had no comment.

The Chief Medical Dwarf confirmed that ten smugglers had been killed during the arrests, and an eleventh was not expected to live through the night. The remaining criminals are in the hospital in various conditions. The former Manager is predicted to recover, however he has fully lost the use of his legs.

King Phrasehalls will speak on these events this evening in Royal Hall. It is rumored that he will pardon the condemned, as their labor is needed on the upcoming Deep Road expansion project.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2011, 12:27:21 pm by Pelander »
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elf-fondling human

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2011, 01:14:08 pm »

Would read again.
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That didn't last long, huh? Shame, cause binary's cool. Anyway, an important message: I will be changing my names on every username based thing I use to ASCIt on/around 10/1. Consolidating, I guess you could say.

NightlinerSGS

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Like I always say, elven females serve a... better purpose to me than the males.
This is a masterfully derailed thread. It depicts Necro in magma-silk thread. This relates to the great derailing of the Divorce Thread in 2011. Necro is holding up a pig-tail fiber sock. Necro is swimming. Necro is striking a defiant pose.

KtosoX

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2011, 01:27:49 pm »

At first, I thought it's another spam bot...
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Build a grid of floor grates above the entire city. Draft a squadron of masons and bomb the crap out of the city with falling constructed walls.
The Geneva Convention would like to have a word with you.
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They Got Leader

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Quote from: Urist McDwarfFortress
You do not understand the ways of Toady One. He is not a business, he's just a guy trying to make a fun game. He's invited people to come along and experience the journey with him (and help him test it out as he goes along). At the end of the day, I don't think his main goal is to sell Dwarf Fortress, its just to create the best game possible.

Melissia

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2011, 01:36:27 pm »

Cute :D
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They Got Leader

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2011, 01:39:41 pm »

At first, I thought it's another spam bot...
Someone want to explain the spam bot thing?
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Quote from: Urist McDwarfFortress
You do not understand the ways of Toady One. He is not a business, he's just a guy trying to make a fun game. He's invited people to come along and experience the journey with him (and help him test it out as he goes along). At the end of the day, I don't think his main goal is to sell Dwarf Fortress, its just to create the best game possible.

LostCosmonaut

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2011, 02:04:08 pm »

Apparently there has recently been an epidemic of spambots making posts that, at first glance, appear to be relevant topics.
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Diamond

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2011, 03:38:15 pm »

Pretty awesome piece of news. I laughed.
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Necro910

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2011, 03:46:28 pm »

You'd have to be pretty dense to see adbot posts as relevant. All you really have to do is look for the link if you don't want to shovel through text.

In any case, this was a nice little read. It catches the flavor of DF nicely.
The Earthwork South one is pretty clever. Sounds like a megaproject, and the link is in the sig.

But I'm pretty sure they copy+pasted the Wiki article on the Sydney Opera Theatre

Musashi

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2011, 04:12:28 pm »

*claps*
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I don't mean to alarm you, but it appears that your Dwarves are all in fact elephants.

UltraValican

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2011, 04:20:08 pm »

Great read but, we have a board for this.
Comunity Games and STORIES
I hope to see more regardless.
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darkflagrance

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2011, 07:10:28 pm »

It's not really a long enough story to be there. It's more of a commentary on the hilarities of in-game mechanics.

It is also a rather sensible interpretation of an otherwise nonsensical system.
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...as if nothing really matters...
   
The Legend of Tholtig Cryptbrain: 8000 dead elves and a cyclops

Tired of going decades without goblin sieges? Try The Fortress Defense Mod

Axedwarf

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2011, 07:24:14 pm »

I think we need a "dwarf news" topic.

URGENTLY.

Starring Pelander.
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attend party
Skilled axedwarf
talented engraver
novice soap maker
dabbling potash maker
dabbling student

Specter513

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Re: Twenty-one Dwarves Arrested on Smuggling Charges
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2011, 07:53:14 pm »

Dwarf news, huh? I'll start a topic up!
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Leprechauns actually. That "magically delicious taste" prefstring soon lead to their total extinction.
Congratulations, you killed the only things considered dominant and have heralded the end of civilization in your world as you know it.