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Hell yes!

3 (75%)

Fuck no!

0 (0%)

I'm fine either way, honestly.

1 (25%)

-Completely irrelevant poll option-

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Total Members Voted: 4

[King DZA]

> You decide to have some fun with world generation. After all, you can do anything, you might as well have some fun with your powers. First, you put a layer of solid gold on the surface. Neat, but boring. Then, add whatever sounds cool. Continents made out of pizza, mountains made out of moustaches, and oceans comprised entirely out of unicorns? Awesome! Then, just because you can, instantiate an orbiting moon made entirely out of cheese.

Do GODLY stuff. Then get bored of it, be reborn as yourself in your perfectly ordinary timelin-- actually no, just make a world. Govern over it. Become God.

After allowing my companions to slowly drop back down onto solid ground, my attention is turned back to my recently created, currently bare planet. Feeling creative, I decide that this world will be like no other. My first action on the road to achieving this goal, is transforming the planet's crust into the purest, most solid gold this universe has ever known. "There we g- HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S BRIGHT!!!", I exclaim, as the light given off by the blue giant is now reflected with blinding intensity.

Thankful that I lack a pair of physical, damageable eyeballs, I continue my work, and focus on the planet's seas. Seas which, by my will, soon become made up entirely of coffee. Delicious, satisfying coffee. Up next is plantlife. Seeing as the same basic organic material for such entities has been used over and over for eons now, I conclude that I shall mix things up a bit by ensuring that all plantlife on this new planet is composed of solid platinum. Also, rather than bearing anything reasonably edible, these plants and trees will instead grow a plethora of other useful items. Such as clothing, books, weaponry, and hilarious novelty coffee mugs. To make things more exciting, the fruits and vegetables of this planet will forsake their immobile nature, and roam the land in herds, where they will have to be tracked and hunted if they are to be consumed.

I then use my supreme powers of dairimancy to form a wondrous moon of cheese to orbit around this bizarre shining world of mine. Pepperjack, to be specific. To give the lunar cycle that extra zest.

> recall the words of the crow/raven/human/shapshifting wizard thing. Ponder them.

Happy, but not yet totally satisfied with the current state of my personal world, I take a few moments to ponder whether there's anything it might be missing. Though, annoyingly, I soon discover that I am unable to keep my train of thought focused on the matter of planet creation. Instead, it is the enigmatic words of my feathery prophetic friend that insistently beckon my mind's attention...

> The Prophet Medivh, appears out of nowhere. "Go now DZA. Go to the world of Azeroth. Seek your destiny."

"Now that I think about it, I suppose travelling to that realm did lead to my eventual rise to godhood, I wonder if that's what the old crow was talking about...Guess he wasn't just rambling a bunch nonsense then."

> Medivh "Hmm. I will be watching you DZA. Look to the skies. And you might want to find a wizard."

"Well now that I'm gifted with omnipresence, I guess it would be kind of impossible for him to not watch me, and I should have no trouble looking to the skies, considering I can now see every portion of the skies from every angle imaginable. However, I don't remember ever having any pressing need to locate a wizard...But, seeing as I'm now capable of viewing the location of every single wizard in existence with relative ease, or simply creating one if I'm feeling especially lazy, should the need for a wizard ever arise, I doubt it would be too much of a hassle to fulfill.

Maybe the crow simply suggested it because wizards make nice company..."

Medivh: nod slightly. "The great Toad has spoken. All hail King DZA, the new god of blood, patron of the Dwarves, lover of chaos." Circle above what's left of the arena cawing loudly.

"Patron of the dwarves...I don't see why not. It's not like I really have anything against the little drunks. As for being a lover of chaos, I'd definitely agree that a little disorder to shake things up once in a while can be a good thing, especially when I'm the one responsible for it. I still prefer God of Everything over God of Blood, though...."

>descend at the world with a thousand of demigods with the same name, last name, attributes, and skill-set, along with many fortresses that have doubtful morality and are pretty much full of creations never seen before

>Raptor: AGHEOHFOEWRHWORHEWOURW KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

In that moment of relaxed contemplation, I am struck with an epiphany, and become instantly aware of what must be done in order to perfect my shining planet.
High above the planet, a thousand demigods are spawned. Glorious, powerful beings. Each identical in name, characteristics, and abilities. I also conjure up several hundred grand fortresses that I plan to settle upon the planet as well. Currently suspended floating in space, all of these fortresses contain great hordes of extraordinary artifacts and inventions, unheard of to any entity in existence. Though the fortresses themselves have morals of a questionable nature....Not entirely sure how that works, but whatever. Finally, I create a copy of my old physical body to temporarily inhabit, so that I may lead my new legion of loyal followers safely down to their new home.
As we touch down on the world's surface, and the demigods grace the land with their magnificent splendor, the fortresses spread out and slowly descend as well, fusing with the shining planet's solid gold crust upon contact with it. At last, this world feels complete.

Meanwhile, after a bloody and heated battle, everyone's favorite partially mechanical prehistoric reptile has managed to damage the unearthly creature enough to pry Flesh Liberator from its grip. Unfortunately for the wounded and exhausted fan-headed raptor, the unearthly creature is recovering at a remarkable speed, and will no doubt be in fighting condition again before long.

Sock puppet man is back! Sock puppet man is screaming as he runs around in a circle, waving his arms like a crazy person. The sock is even on his hand screaming and... chasing sock puppet man? "I tried so hard for you to die and you have the guts to come back? I will kill you myself!" The Sock puppet man is crying as he runs away yelling about how he was sorry. Eventually Sock puppet man finds D.Z.A. and runs towards him, screaming with some snot and tears running down his face. "Dirty man!" He would then go to drop kick you in the chest hard. You would actually get knocked for quite a loop from the amount of power. By the time you open your eyes, his sock hand is in your face, the dirty buttons for eyes staring into what is your very essence, and for once, you actually feel fear. "I'll fucking murder you myself you try that shit again." The Sock puppet man would retract his hand, smiling like an imbecile now. You have to wonder now, thinking back for a moment, when sock puppet man died, the sock had mysteriously left. Maybe... no... you are the only true god now right?

As I stroll around the dark side of my planet, picking through the many treasures of the platinum trees, I spot something out of the corner of my eye. Something that fills me with immense joy once I realize just what it is I'm looking at. "Could it be...I...I can't believe it, it is! A '#1 God-King' coffee mug! Kickass!!", I happily shout. "I should head over to the beach and...What was that?", I think to myself, as I hear screams of pure terror pierce through the air that I totally didn't forget to add during the planet's creation, severely reducing my overall level of joyfulness.
The source of the screaming soon makes itself apparent, when I see the sock puppet man running toward me, clearly very upset about something.

"How the hell did you get here? Okay, just relax, take a deep breath, an- My attempt at calming the sock puppet man is then abruptly cut off when the wind is knocked out of me by an unexpected drop kick to the chest. The drop kick was delivered with such force that it actually caused me to comically spin around in midair for a bit, before slamming headfirst onto the solid gold ground beneath me.
With a puddle of blood beginning to form around my head, I try getting up, only to be startled by the sock puppet man's sock puppet, which is currently being held only an inch from my face. There is something deeply unsettling about that button-eyed piece of footwear, and it isn't just the foul stench. No, it's something...Else. Something unnatural, that shakes me to the very core of my being. And as I listen to the sock puppet speak in an unnerving, sinister voice, seemingly of its own accord, I can't help but feel....Afraid. Although, that sensation of fear quickly transforms into anger when I glance over and see the shattered remains of my coffee mug.

I stand up, as the sock puppet man pulls his hand away. He appears to have cheered up pretty fast. He now simply stands before me, smiling as if he were completely oblivious to what just happened. Maybe it's just due to my recent head-to-ground collision, but I seem to recall that, when I had slain the sock puppet man along with the rest of my comrades, the sock puppet itself was nowhere to be seen. I glare suspiciously at the sock puppet, before allowing my body to crumble into a pile of glowing dust, so that I may return to my omnipresent state.

>Super Dave: Collide with the Lich King in midair, making a wave of stunt-dead summoning.
>Miner: Warily stare at DZA.

On another note, during his trip back to the northern lands, the airborne prince of darkness was somehow unexpectedly struck by the very same indestructible person that took down the mohawked assaulter of my clothing earlier. Not only did this knock him well off the course to said northern lands, it also caused his powers to trigger involuntarily, subsequently leading to the erratic summoning of several undead minions. Could cause quite a bit of trouble depending on where they land, assuming they survive the fall.

The miner, still understandably cautious of the now inconceivably powerful person responsible for taking his life only a short time ago, attempts to keep a watchful eye on me, unsure of what I might have in store for him and the others. Of course, due to the whole omnipresent thing, it really just looks like he's worryingly staring off into space.

"You need not worry, my friend. I promise that the chances of me killing you again are very, very slim. Now run along and do whatever it is a recently resurrected miner does. There's a beautiful, shining world out there that needs my godly, invaluable guidance.", I reassuringly tell the miner.

The Great Old Ones have decided that you have become to big of a threat and decide that you need to be taken down a notch.

Mr. Referee shows up and declares it an official tournament rodeity battle, following tournament standards.

> In attendance we have, Sargeras, Medivh, The Titans, and whatever Azerothian Old Gods still exist. And the Lich King. And the Toad Man.

All is well on my young, shining planet. The the fruit is flourishing, the demigods are enjoying themselves, aaaannnd it just exploded."What. The. Fuck.", I say to myself, as I watch the fragments of my world scatter across space after violently blowing up without warning."Well, that's a good way to piss me off. That was clearly no natural explosion, meaning someone was responsible for it...Time to find out who that is, and make them regret ever being born on the same plane of existence as me."

On account of being everywhere, it doesn't take me long to find out that it was not just one being responsible for my planet's destruction, but many. The culprits turn out to be a recently reawakened ancient pantheon of other deities. Though spread far and wide across the cosmos, they seems to be in collective agreement that my place is not among the gods, and seek to remove me from the position appointed to me by the toad man. Guess they were using the detonation of my planet to make a point."Aww, do you all feel threatened by me? I didn't mean to steal control of the universe away from you while you were napping, but seeing as you had to go and screw with my plans, I personally feel that the best course of action for me would be to tear each of you apart atom by atom BEFORE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKED YOU A- "Wait!", I hear a much smaller voice interrupt.

Travelling around in a small spacecraft, a gray haired, Moustachio'd man in a snazzy uniform goes on to inform me that Tournament Deity Battle Rules strictly forbid the atomic disassembling of other competitors.

"Tournament deity battle?"

"That's right! I declare this to be an official Tournament Deity Battle! For this tournament, I shall act as referee, me, Mr. Referee."

"Bullshit. You're working for them, aren't you?"

"Of course not! My only duty here is to make sure that the Deity Battle Rules are properly followed. Now then, since this is your first official deity battle, I shall now explain the rules of the tournament:

Each participating pantheon will select three of its members to make up their representing team. Matches between representing teams will take place on an assortment of specially selected planets. Team members will compete using their respective chosen ones, with a limit of a single chosen one per member. There will be no time limit during tournament matches, matches will end once a team leader's chosen one ceases to live, whereby the opposing team will be declared victorious. At the end of the tournament, the leader of the last remaining team will be rewarded with the title of Universal Deity Battle Champion, and their pantheon with full reign over the universe, while all members of the losing pantheons will be scattered and imprisoned across the cosmos, where they will remain in a death-like sleep for the next four eons! Do you understand these rules?"

"Wait, what? Where the hell do I get a chosen one??"

"A chosen one can be any entity that you choose to fight for you during the tournament. For example, members of the loose pantheon of Great Old Ones usually prefer to select their most devout and powerful cultists to serve as their chosen ones. It's also important to keep in mind that you will have a greater chance of success if your chosen one is able to work well with the chosen ones of your teammates."

"Right, about that...I, uh, haven't really gotten far enough into my godhood to have built up a pantheon of other deities yet..." As I speak, I can hear members of the ancient reawakened pantheon snicker and cackle at my general lack of experience.
"...Can't I just obliterate them myself?"

"Of course not! If we just let the deities of the universe battle it out on their own, it wouldn't be long before there was no universe left! That infinite power of yours has to be kept in check. I'm afraid if you want to seize control over this universe, you're going to have to do it by the books.", the self proclaimed tournament referee responds.

"Ugh, can't I just choose not to participate?"

"Certainly. All you have to do is forfeit the tournament, and your four eon imprisonment in the center of a supermassive black hole can begin immediately."

"God fucking damn it...Alright, fine. I'll do it. Just...Give me some time to prepare."

"Then we are in agreement! The participating pantheons will be given the set time of one decade to prepare for the coming tournament. Any participants that fail to ready themselves by that time will be disqualified! Remember, the entire universe will be watching, so make sure to be a good sport, and put your best foot _{or any other appendage} forward!"

> Also, Mi-Go gain an interest in DZA's brains. They appear and attempt to extract the God-King's brain, for unknown purposes.

Elsewhere, a peculiar race of large, winged, crustacean-esque beings have become fascinated with the cranium encased vital organ that is my brain, and have thus begun thoroughly searching all across many galaxies, both near and distant, in the hopes of finding at least some trace of it. Unfortunately for them, despite their persistent efforts, the fact that I am currently without any physical body, and by relation, any physical, extractable brains, means that their endeavor is a fruitless one.

So, here I am. Lacking a personal world, a pantheon, a chosen one, and my fucking coffee mug. As my luck would have it, I have been challenged for control of the universe, and in order to overcome this challenge, at least half of those things will be required. A decade may seem like a good while, but you'd be surprised how quickly time seems to pass when your expected lifespan surpasses all comprehensible numbers.

Name: D.Z.A.

Sex: Male.

Age: 16

Badassery Level: ∞.

Location: Everywhere.

Inventory: Anything.

[dreadmullet]

> You find two rejected gods roaming the universe. The first is Iifyras, Goddess of Lazyness, and the other is Doardham, God of Being A Dick. You attempt to recruit them to your empty pantheon.

> You gather at your pepperjack moon (now swiss cheese from the planetary fragments) and explain what's going down.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is, without a doubt, the most epic story ever. I don't use the word "epic" very often.

[Vgray]

> summon* your companions, look over them, choose the priest as your first champion. Technically he's your priest now.

> Panic.

> Medivh appears as a human and snaps you to your senses. "Make use of the Pantheon of Armok DZA. Or perhaps you consider one your companions worthy of Godhood? The universe is better off with your kind of chaos. Now I must go back to the stands. The Lich King wants to tell you he will relish the moment you get sent to the Abyss."

*Summoning may include bringing them back to life. Again.

[Powder Miner]

>Choose Super Dave as a champion. It can't hurt to have an indestructible guy as  a champion can i oh wow he retained his momentum upon summoning.

[Trapezohedron]

> You meet your future self, who is apparently much, much stronger than you, and is also bleeding with whatever (spectral) blood gods bleed.

He insults you, and makes fun of your (eventual) failures.

[raptorfangamer]

>get your companions and power them up! then carefully choose the best one! Tholtig! the one warrior who even took a last stand for time!

Raptor: NONONONONONONONO *throws flesh liberator near toady* *uses the shining reflecting surface of head to return to mirror realm, failing, and losing its material body*

[agertor]

Sock puppet man runs around  in circles licking the ground and then suddenly, the maddening laughter turns into a black hole. What the hell you think. You can resist the light suction, but it is there, simply existing. Sock puppet yells over to you, "I'm gonna go get some people and stuff, be back!" He jumps in the black hole literally getting torn into atoms  as he falls in, the sock puppet itself stays intact as it falls in and for a moment you swear as it sways into the hole one of those button eyes turned and looked at you. The hole disappears and for a while now, all is quiet. The sock puppet man returns soon enough, and the hole seems larger this time. He smiles at you, and from behind him in the hole, large arms start hoisting themselves out of the hole. Sock puppet man also seems to be holding a radio, playing a song. You can barely hear him over the deafening music but Sock puppet man screams, "I found a friend!" As six arms now hoist themselves out, you notice sock puppet man is not wearing his sock puppet. The sock puppet is finally seen as the head of this beast comes out, its flesh covering all of its facial features, and the sock puppet rests at the top, seemingly sewn in. at the very top. The creature is large, its head barely fitting through the hole, its arms literally ripping the hole to make it wider, the body comes out. Its colorings splotches of red, green and blue. Its face gone, it is quite frightening indeed. As humanoid creature with six arms finally steps out. It reaches into the hole to pull out the largest glowing red chain you have ever seen. The head moves to look at you. Sock puppet man looks behind him, and for a moment, clarity is brought to him, "Sh..." He didn't get to finish his word as the chain hits him, sending him soaring across the world until he isn't seen anymore. I challenge you D.Z.A. We will see who the King is. Will you accept? The Creature, it does not speak, you can hear it telepathically. You should probably show this guy who is boss, or die trying, that sort of thing. But before you attack you hear him again.I am Gradien, slayer of this Sock puppet man who died a coward's death! Now you will prepare to die! Then you fight him, godly explosions happening everywhere, the battle happening so fast no one can quite see it except for moments when you two rest for a split second.

[Phantom of The Library]

>get your companions and power them up! then carefully choose the best one! Tholtig! the one warrior who even took a last stand for time!

This.

>Flesh Liberator: Finally re-assume human form.

[King DZA]

After yet another record breaking wait, the long-belated update is finally finished! Now let's just cross our fingers and hope the next one doesn't take nearly as long. Because I'm so undeniably generous(and because your suggestions concerning choice of chosen one are conflicted), I'll even throw in a poll to make it extra special!

Also, this message would have gone in the same post as the actual update, if it hadn't have caused it to EXCEED THE MOTHERFUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT! I've never once had the problem before. And although it was a mild inconvenience, I think it shows just how far this story has come. Even if it was mostly because of the large amounts of big colored text contained within this particular update.

[King DZA]

> You find two rejected gods roaming the universe. The first is Iifyras, Goddess of Lazyness, and the other is Doardham, God of Being A Dick. You attempt to recruit them to your empty pantheon.

> You gather at your pepperjack moon (now swiss cheese from the planetary fragments) and explain what's going down.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is, without a doubt, the most epic story ever. I don't use the word "epic" very often.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's certainly spawned some of the most unique suggestions I've ever seen. So as far as suggestion games go, I'd say that the title of "epic" is more than appropriate.

Desperate to find allies who can assist me in the the coming tournament, I quickly locate two other deities who are currently inhabiting a very distant planetary system, near the edge of the universe itself. As far as I can tell, they don't belong to any specific pantheon, which instantly makes them perfect candidates for my own. One appears to be asleep, while the other is busy hurling asteroids at various life-harboring planets.

"Hello there! Sorry to interrupt whatever the hell it is you're doing, but I, D.Z.A., God of Blood _{and everything else} have found myself in quite a predicament, and would like to offer -....Um, has your friend yet to reawaken or something?", I curiously ask, as I watch the sleeping goddess slowly orbit around one of the nearby planets, curled up in fetal position. Of course, the Illusory Aura surrounding her would probably cause her to be seen as nothing more than a small, lifeless moon to any peering mortal eye. Pretty clever, I must say.

"Nah, she just likes to sleep in." The god responds, as he searches the local asteroid belt for more suitably sized projectiles.

"Oh. Well how long has she been asleep?"

"Close to two centuries now. Want me to wake her up?"

"That would be lovely. I have quite a proposition for the both of you, and I think it would be best if you were both fully conscious to hear it.", I say, trying my best to be polite toward the beings that may be my only hope for victory at the tournament. I then watch as the god travels over to the sleeping goddess, grabs her by the hair, and chucks her into the system's local star.

Shocked by this ruthless display, I find myself at a loss for words. The now rather charred goddess, on the other hand, isn't quite as speechless. "What the HELL did you do that for!?", the goddess yells, as she reappears beside the god responsible for her sudden awakening.

"Some omnipresent god of everything wants to propose to you, or some shit like that."

"Re...Really?", the goddess asks, as her mood starts to lift."Still, you could have just nudged me awake, or something."

"Actually, I ha-

"Heh, yeah. Yeah I could have."

"You seem to be mis-

"But, why would an all-god choose me of all deities to propose to? Are you trying to trick me again, Doardham?"

"PROPOSITION! I have a PROPOSITION for you two, I'm not marrying anyone!"

"Oh.", the goddess says plaintively, as her demeanor suddenly becomes much less cheerful."I'm going back to sleep."

"Wait! I still haven't even told you what the proposition is yet!"

"...How long will it take?"

"I promise I'll be as quick as possible. Please, just listen to what I have to say. I swear that it will be well worth your time." The two deities look at each other for a moment, before agreeing to hear me out.

"Thank you. Now then, to the pepperjack moon!"

One nigh-instantaneous journey across the cosmos later...

After giving my two immortal acquaintances a speedy yet informative summary of my current situation, I kindly ask each of them to join my pantheon and assist me in the Tournament Deity Battle.

The god, who I now know to be named Doardham, raises his hand to put forth an inquiry."Quick question:
Why exactly are we having this meeting on a giant ball of space cheese?"

"Because it's the best interstellar Base of Operations I could come up with on short notice. Now are you helping me or not?"

"I don't know, winning the tournament sounds like it would take a lot of work...", the goddess replies in a tone of uncertainty.

"Perhaps. But the reward for achieving victory would easily make up for the effort required. Just think, if we succeed, the course of the entire universe will be ours to decide!"

"being responsible for the whole universe sounds like even more work..."

"But that's just it! If we win, you don't have to be responsible for anything, neither of you do! After you're finished assisting me, the two of you will be free to do whatever you please. I'm more than willing to take on all the responsibility of guiding the universe down the right path, while you can both carry on with your lives however you wish, in undisturbed peace.", I explain further.

"Hmm..."

"Very inspiring. D.Z.A., I would be honored to stand alongside you in this upcoming tournament. Combined, our forces will be able to conquer any obstacles that arise on our path to victory. I cannot thank you for offering this magnificent opportunity to me and my friend. I am eternally grateful."

"Great to hear! Now all you'll need to do is pick out a chosen one a-

"Pfff, nah I'm just kidding. That's fucking stupid."

"I...Actually think it sounds pretty nice."

"Well yeah, but that's because you're fucking stupid, too. No big surprise there." Discouraged, the goddess lowers her head.

Aware that every second that passes is a second that could have been used preparing, and feeling somewhat out of options, I decide to try a different approach to convince the ill-mannered deity to cooperate with me. "Doardham, have you ever heard of a weapon by the name of 'Flesh liberator'?"

"No, why?"

"It is spearsword, you see. A very peculiar piece of weaponry on its own. But that's not all, it is also one of the single most powerful weapons, in all of existence. It has an edge so sharp, it is able to slice through the very fabric of reality."

"Is there a point to this, or do you simply enjoy informing me of things I couldn't care less about?"

"Oh, yes, sorry. As it turns out, I am the owner of this great and mysterious weapon. Now, if you are not willing to become a member of my pantheon and help me win the steadily approaching Tournament Deity Battle, I am going to take Flesh Liberator, and use it to personally preform a lobotomy on you until I manage to change your mind."

Surprised by my change in attitude, Doardham takes some time to rethink his stance on the matter. "Okay, fine. I'll join your pantheon. But only on the condition that once this is all over, you never bother me again."

"Deal. You, other...Deity, you in?"

"Yeah...I guess. My name is Iifyras, by the way."

"Awesome. Now, let me just call up a few friends, and we can get ourselves some chosen ones."

> summon* your companions, look over them, choose the priest as your first champion. Technically he's your priest now.

> Panic.

> Medivh appears as a human and snaps you to your senses. "Make use of the Pantheon of Armok DZA. Or perhaps you consider one your companions worthy of Godhood? The universe is better off with your kind of chaos. Now I must go back to the stands. The Lich King wants to tell you he will relish the moment you get sent to the Abyss."

*Summoning may include bringing them back to life. Again.

>Choose Super Dave as a champion. It can't hurt to have an indestructible guy as  a champion can i oh wow he retained his momentum upon summoning.

>get your companions and power them up! then carefully choose the best one! Tholtig! the one warrior who even took a last stand for time!

This.

In no time at all, every one of my companions soon find themselves standing upon the surface of my pepperjack moon, each showing varying amounts of confusion and terror due to their abrupt change in location.

"Welcome all, to my glorious moon of pepperjack cheese! Lovely to have you here. Be sure to watch your step, the explosion of my planet created some pretty sizable holes in this thing. Oh, and feel free to keep and chunks of solid gold you find.". As I go on to explain my reason for summoning them, I use my godly powers to buff up my companions' natural(and unnatural)abilities. Partly because I want to ensure that I have a winning team regardless of who Doardham and Iifyras choose, and partly because I don't want my companions dying horrible, agonizing deaths as a result of being summoned to a location completely incapable of sustaining mortal life.

"My fellow deities, you are looking at a group of some of the strongest, bravest, most reliable mortals this galaxy has to offer. I feel that many of them have already proven themselves exceedingly worthy of fighting in this tournament, and have no doubt that each of them would make an excellent chosen one in their own unique way. All you have to do is select which of these amazing individuals will have that chance.", I announce to the two newly accepted members of my pantheon.

"Um, I choose...That one.", Iifyras says, pointing to a small nearby object embedded in the surface of the moon.

"That's...Not one of my companions. That's the severed arm of one of my demigods.", I inform the goddess.

"So? I like it. Looks very relaxed.", the goddess argues.

"That's because it's a SEVERED ARM. A lifeless, severed arm. Lifeless and relaxed are two completely different things, I assure you."

"Look, I already agreed to help you, why do you have to make it so difficult?!"

*sigh* So, your chosen one, one of the individuals we will be relying on to ensure that we attain control of the universe and avoid a four eon long imprisonment, is going to be a cold, dead appendage, once belonging to a member of my chosen race, that lacks the capability to preform almost any task on its own...And you see no problem with that whatsoever?"

"..."

"...Whatever, keep the arm.", I concede. "Doardham, who do you choose?"

"I haven't decided yet. Who are you choosing?"

"I'm not completely sure yet either, but I'm thinking I'll go with the priest, considering he-

"Cool, I'll choose the priest then."

"Seriously...? Fine, guess it's not that big a deal. I'll just pick someone else. Hmmm, How about..." After a moment of thought, I summon the indestructible man to my pepperjack moon, so that I may consider having him serve as my chosen one. Endurance like his would be immensely useful in a tournament such as this, after all. Much to my surprise, however, I find out that the summoning process had little to no effect on the man's amazing velocity, and watch as he shoots off into deep space only fractions of a second after arriving.

"OK, never mind. Maybe I'll just go with Tholtig..."

"Wait, I changed my mind. I choose Tholtig. Unless you still plan to choose the priest, of course. In which case I'll stick with him.", Doardham says with a smirk.

Increasingly worried about the fact that my chances succeeding in the tournament continue to dwindle, the thought of being trapped in a death-like sleep for several long eons feels like it's getting closer and closer to becoming a reality. And as time continues to tick away, the stress finally gets to me, and I begin to have a minor panic attack."Screw it, we're fucked! I'm fucked, you're fucked, the entire goddamn universe is fucked! I might as well waltz into a fucking black hole and imprison myself. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with all this added bullshit!!"

"Woah, relax. we still have plenty of time."

"Do you know how long four eons is, Iifyras?? DO YOU!?"

"I dunno, a long time?"

"A REALLY FUCKING LONG TIME! Don't tell me to relax when-
"D.Z.A.! Calm yourself!", I hear a voice suddenly command. A voice I instantly recognize as that of the elderly, shapeshifting prophet.

Landing down on my pepperjack moon, he advises that I look into recruiting deities from the late blood god's vast pantheon, which I admit probably wouldn't be too difficult. The prophet also suggests that I consider uplifting one of my very own companions into the ranks of the gods. After giving me a few words of encouragement, and a spiteful message from Armok's friend, the prophet transforms and flies off, leaving me to contemplate his intriguing recommendations.

"One of my own companions...It's not that I doubt their competence, but it is a decision that I would have to take great care in making, as I could see it greatly worsening my situation just as quickly as it could resolve it. I haven't the slightest idea how I'd make such a choice, but for now I suppose I can leave it open as a possibility. As for utilizing the pantheon of Armok...It could work. The problem is, Armok's Vast Pantheon always has the tendency of being a bit...random." I then momentarily turn my focus back to Doardham and Iifyras.
"...Fuck it, worth a try. It's not like I could do much worse, anyway."

While I could try to persuade any one of the thousands and thousands of gods and goddesses already belonging to Armok's pantheon, I get the feeling that it would be best if I instead simply used the same method as the ex-blood god to whip up a fresh batch of my own, so that I may approach them as their wise and knowing creator, rather than the person that overtook him and proceeded to craft a magnificent crown out of his corpse.
Putting in little effort, I hastily spawn a small world in a lifeless and relatively empty planetary system. After some quick preparations, I speed up the rate of advancement on the planet, allowing it to evolve through several decades worth of history in just over a second. Once this process is complete, I revert the world's advancement rate back to normal and open up the Book of Legends, so that I may look into some of the deities that have naturally arisen to reign over the nondescript planet:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"So, an earth goddess. Could be of help. I'll keep her in mind."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Fortress god. Neat. Maybe I'll speak with him If ever I decide to reconstruct my planet."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Don't quite see how riches will help me win the tournament. Then again, a little extravagance never hurt."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Ooh, fiery nature goddess. I wonder how well she works with Zes..."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Right. Because those are the qualities I'll need to defeat the twisted, maddening beings that obliterated my planet and its inhabitants. Instead of fighting them at the tournament, I might as well just try giving them all a big hug."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"That...Might actually be pretty useful."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Would be able to come up with some interesting tactics, I'm sure..."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Enslavement and submission aren't really attributes I'd like the team to carry. I'm betting her and Mr. Evil Happiness get along well, though."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Unless he's going to teach our chosen ones how to kick ass, I'm doubtful of how big a contribution he'll be able to make toward the team's success."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"How exactly does one earn a title like...Actually, never mind. I don't want to know the answer to that."

> You meet your future self, who is apparently much, much stronger than you, and is also bleeding with whatever (spectral) blood gods bleed.

He insults you, and makes fun of your (eventual) failures.

Pleased with my significant increase in options, I look to my moon of pepperjack cheese to check up on things, only to find my companions casually socializing with a very unusual, almost etheric version of....Myself?

"excuse me, who the hell are you?", I ask the mysterious look-a-like.

"Even better:
Why are you asking a question you already very well know the answer to?", he responds.

"Heh, fair enough. Tell me then, me, what exactly are you doing here?", I inquire, as I curiously inspect this apparent other version of myself. Although his bodily form clearly resembles my old organic structure, he seems to be composed purely of energy. How very odd.

"I have my reasons for returning to the past.  The journey here was...Very exhausting. So, I figured I'd stop by here, get a chance to chat with our lovely companions once again, and witness the beginning of my own downfall for entertainment while I recover a bit."

"Ah, so you're from the future, then?"

"Very good. Your deductive prowess is right on par with your ability to state the obvious."

"The question was rhetorical, no need to be an ass. Anyway, would  these time travelling escapades have anything to do with the fact that you're leaking shimmering fluid all over the damn place? And what was that I heard about a downfall?"

"It's blood, you fool. Although admittedly not like any blood you've yet encountered. The amount of power contained within a single drop is beyond the comprehension of even the wisest of minds, which is why I must recuperate before going about my business in this time period. As for our downfall..." He pauses for a moment.
You have no idea what you're going up against, young God-King. The opponents you will soon face, are unlike any you've ever dealt with before. For as long as there has been a universe to fight over, they have been honing their strategies, and painstakingly assembling their forces, in order to gain as much of an edge in the tournament as they possibly can. They are incredibly experienced and unspeakably merciless.
Not to mention that surviving the unforgiving environments your chosen ones will be thrown into is already a challenge on its own. It has taken even the strongest of pantheons several attempts before finally achieving victory in the tournament. What makes you think you can win your first time around?"

"You know, I'm very disappointed by what a pessimist I've apparently grown into. I shouldn't need to to tell you that this isn't the first time the odds have been stacked against me. yet no matter what challenge is placed before me, I always manage to overcome it. Despite what you say, I am more than confident that this time will be no different."

Future me chuckles lightly. "So naive...That confidence will only make the loss that much more unbearable. Don't you realize that I speak not from pessimism, but experience? What is your plan to defeat your enemies in the tournament then, hm? What do you have that could give you even the slightest chance of success? Two forsaken deities and a handful of minor Armokian gods and goddesses? Are you willing to risk the very souls of your companions in order to boost your hopelessly pathetic odds??"

"What do you mean 'risk their souls'? And forsaken deities? What the hell are you on about?", I ask in a stern tone, as I start to become slightly irritated.

"Oh, that's right. You don't know, do you? A little detail no one ever bothers to point out: To ensure that deities do not simply resurrect old tournament veterans and champions to fight for them, any chosen ones that are struck down in the tournament have their souls bound eternally to a special afterlife. Meaning that not even you, in all your wonderful omnipotence, will be allowed to bring them back." Future me then glares over at Doardham and Iifyras.
"As for those two worthless excuses for allies, the only reason you were able to recruit them to your pantheon, is because the pantheons they originally belonged to exiled them long ago, and all others refuse to take them in." The two deities prepare to speak out against what has been said about them, but another menacing glare from future me causes them to remain silent.

"I need to get going. And you need to accept the fact that you're simply not strong enough to win this tournament. I suggest that you simply relax and enjoy the rest of the decade. It's going to be a long, long time before you get the opportunity to do so again." Staring off into a distant part of the galaxy, future me speaks once more, as he slowly dissipates into nothingness."One more piece of advice, before I depart:
Keep an eye on the sock puppet man."

Raptor: NONONONONONONONO *throws flesh liberator near toady* *uses the shining reflecting surface of head to return to mirror realm, failing, and losing its material body*

Back near the arena ruins, aware of his dire situation, the fan-headed raptor takes careful aim, before using all of its might to launch Flesh Liberator far off into the sky, ensuring that it remains out of the grasp of the nigh-completely healed unearthly creature. Assuming the force and trajectory of the throw was calculated correctly, the spearsword should reach the toad-man in a matter of minutes.
Satisfied with what it has accomplished, the fan-headed raptor readies itself to travel back to the mirror realm. Properly aligning its reflective, metallic fan-head with the sun, it can feel itself start to be transported from one realm to the other. Rather unluckily, however, a large cloud rolls in mid-transition and blocks the shining rays of light necessary to complete the journey across realms. By the time the cloud passes, the fan-headed raptor is unpleasantly surprised to find that its spirit and body become disconnected yet again.

Now lacking the guidance of its spirit, the body of the fan-headed raptor runs off aimlessly into the wilderness, where it is certain to have all sorts of wacky and exciting misadventures, undoubtedly leading to many life changing experiences that will reshape the way it views both itself, and the world around it. Or it'll get itself killed. Either one.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sock puppet man runs around  in circles licking the ground and then suddenly, the maddening laughter turns into a black hole. What the hell you think. You can resist the light suction, but it is there, simply existing. Sock puppet yells over to you, "I'm gonna go get some people and stuff, be back!" He jumps in the black hole literally getting torn into atoms  as he falls in, the sock puppet itself stays intact as it falls in and for a moment you swear as it sways into the hole one of those button eyes turned and looked at you. The hole disappears and for a while now, all is quiet. The sock puppet man returns soon enough, and the hole seems larger this time. He smiles at you, and from behind him in the hole, large arms start hoisting themselves out of the hole. Sock puppet man also seems to be holding a radio, playing a song. You can barely hear him over the deafening music but Sock puppet man screams, "I found a friend!" As six arms now hoist themselves out, you notice sock puppet man is not wearing his sock puppet. The sock puppet is finally seen as the head of this beast comes out, its flesh covering all of its facial features, and the sock puppet rests at the top, seemingly sewn in. at the very top. The creature is large, its head barely fitting through the hole, its arms literally ripping the hole to make it wider, the body comes out. Its colorings splotches of red, green and blue. Its face gone, it is quite frightening indeed. As humanoid creature with six arms finally steps out. It reaches into the hole to pull out the largest glowing red chain you have ever seen. The head moves to look at you. Sock puppet man looks behind him, and for a moment, clarity is brought to him, "Sh..." He didn't get to finish his word as the chain hits him, sending him soaring across the world until he isn't seen anymore. I challenge you D.Z.A. We will see who the King is. Will you accept? The Creature, it does not speak, you can hear it telepathically. You should probably show this guy who is boss, or die trying, that sort of thing. But before you attack you hear him again.I am Gradien, slayer of this Sock puppet man who died a coward's death! Now you will prepare to die! Then you fight him, godly explosions happening everywhere, the battle happening so fast no one can quite see it except for moments when you two rest for a split second.

Curious about what my future self meant by his departing words, I gaze upon the sock puppet man, only to see him running wildly around the pepperjack moon, stopping only every few seconds to drop down and thoroughly lick the moon's zesty surface. Adding to my confusion, I am unable to tell whether this behavior is due to him enjoying the flavor of the moon itself, or the blood that future me so carelessly spilled all over it."Yeah, because this is something I definitely need to see.", I sarcastically think to myself. Yet, only a moment later, a crazed laughter is heard coming from my pepperjack moon. I look back, and am bewildered when I spot the small black hole that appears to have sprung up out of thin air. "The hell..."

Thankfully, it doesn't ceaselessly suck in and consume all matter around it like one would expect of a black hole. Instead, it merely remains suspended just above the surface of the moon in a seemingly harmless fashion. Disturbingly, I am soon shown that the nature of this black hole is not as harmless as I would prefer when, shortly after shouting something, the sock puppet man is atomized as a result of diving directly into it. His sock puppet follows closely behind, somehow staying in one piece as it is pulled into the black hole, much to my discontent. If being omnipresent didn't make it so hard to tell, I'd even go so far as to say that it was staring directly at me with one of its cold, insidious little button eyes as it left.
If I understood the sock puppet man's shouting correctly, he needed to get something, and should be back before long. If it were anyone else, I would highly doubt the truthfulness of such a statement, but the sock puppet man has already demonstrated on more than one occasion his ability to show up in places he has no reasonable means of getting to, which leaves me unsure of how to react to his apparent suicide.

Just as fast as it arrived, the black hole disappears without a trace, and an uncomfortable silence lingers as everyone tries to understand what exactly the hell just happened. Of course, it isn't a very long wait before said silence is abruptly shattered by the sudden reemergence of the sock puppet man via a considerably bigger black hole. With a bright smile on his face, the sock puppet man holds a small radio, blasting an epic tune. The mystery of where he obtained the radio from is quickly set aside when I notice several huge arms protruding from the black hole. It's difficult to tell, but I think I hear the sock puppet man scream something about the arms being his friend, greatly reducing any worry I previously had about them. I also see that he is no longer wearing that untrustworthy sock puppet of his, putting me in an even better mood.
Yet, as I should have expected, my happiness is not meant to last. Before I can even begin to express my joy, the sock puppet makes its own reappearance, sewn atop the head of the colossal, faceless, six-armed monstrosity that has climbed its way out of the black hole, somehow making it several times larger in the process."Good god, it's like it swam through a sea of clown vomit.", I say, observing the beast's strange coloration of green, red, and blue.

Right after exiting the black hole, the colossal monstrosity reaches back into it, removing the most massive glowing red chain I've ever laid eyes upon. To be honest, It's also the very first glowing red chain I've ever laid eyes upon, but it is still of incredible size. Even by normal, non-glowing chain standards. Now wielding the massive, glowing red chain, the colossal monstrosity turns its head to the side, presumably in order to look toward me. But, you know, omnipresent and all. The now sock puppetless sock puppet man turns around to face the monstrosity, and it is in that very moment, that I see something I don't recall ever seeing before in the sock puppet man. What I see, is a hint of sanity.
Sadly, the sock puppet man is unable to utter even a single word in his moment of realization. Perhaps due in part to being struck with fear upon viewing the frightful countenance of the colossal monstrosity, but mostly due to being struck with his big-ass chain. The sock puppet man is propelled through space by the force of the blow!

As if attacking one of my companions was not enough, the monstrous creature then has the nerve to invade my thoughts and challenge my rule. He telepathically introduces himself as Gradien, while pridefully proclaiming himself to be the slayer of my friend, and soon me as well. "Know what? I'm getting real fucking tired of people attempting to dethrone me.", I tell the monstrosity named Gradien, as my physical body materializes high above the pepperjack moon. Staring down at my challenger with great contempt, I outstretch my arm, and with perfect timing, intercept Flesh Liberator just as it passes by on its way to the toad-man.

"As you might know, I've been under quite a lot of pressure lately. Fortunately, I think that kicking your ass is just the thing I need to help me unwind and enjoy myself a little. But first, we're going to need some more music." With a snap of my fingers, the surprisingly unharmed radio laying on the ground starts to play yet another epic track.

I become practically invisible as I bolt toward Gradien with astounding speed, and deliver a strike with herculean force. Shockingly, my attack is thwarted when Gradien uses his chain to block the strike with quicker-than-lighting reflexes. The extraordinary discharge of power creates a momentous, time warping explosion around us. The chain must be made of some truly preternatural material if not even the reality-splitting edge of Flesh Liberator can cut through it. "And here I was worrying that this fight would be boring..."

Back and forth, me and my colossal adversary exchange attacks, begetting more tremendous explosions each time our weapons make contact with each other. With the velocity of our battle being so inconceivable it can hardly even be perceived by the other deities, everyone stays well back to avoid unknowingly getting caught in the middle of it, only becoming aware of our location for the split moments in between strikes.
As the battle intensifies, I go on the defensive, waiting for an opening to land a truly devastating hit. Barely dodging the lashes of Gradien's chain, I execute a godly slash that severs his middle left arm, splitting the very atoms it is made up of. The severed part sails off in an arc! Gradien has become enraged!

>Flesh Liberator: Finally re-assume human form.

Before I can recover from the successful attack, Gradien snatches me out of the air with his upper right arm, causing me to drop my trusty spearsword, and attempts to crush me in his grip.
As it falls to the ground, Flesh Liberator decides that it has spent enough time being a supreme weapon of unparalleled power, and returns to it's human state as the golden cloaked man, currently without his golden cloak. Must still be in my backpack.

The strength of the monstrous Gradien is indeed commendable. I can feel my bones beginning to crack, and his grip is so tight that I can no longer breath. While the only true damage I'd receive from the death of my physical body would be to my pride, I refuse to let any being with a damn sock puppet stitched onto its head feel that they are in any way superior to me, and thus devote all my effort to thinking of a way to escape the increasingly tight clutches my enraged foe.

Name: D.Z.A.

Sex: Male.

Age: 16

Badassery Level: ∞

Location: Pepperjack moon.

Inventory: Nothing.

[Vgray]

> The priest does a ritual involving a pair of pentacles drawn with his own blood, and incense. He meditates inside one using his own power to summon a clown. And prays that he not be the champion of Doardham. He hums an ancient Dwarven chant, his body glows, the clown cowers in it's pentacle.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What a nice big update. And yes, I'm biased and am voting for my own character.

[agertor]

Gradien begins to laugh as he crushes you, and the sock puppet opens his mouth as your bones begin to crack. "I am a GOD!" You can make out a light from its mouth as it begins to suck in the very fabric of reality light into it and it begins to form a huge ball, and for a moment, you think to yourself why you didnt see this coming. Throwing you hard away from the large bodied Gradien, the light begins to flow towards you in a spiral, the middle being clear, however it soon becomes enveloped as well. The sock puppet monster laughs, "Run while you can, I'm the motherfucking gingerbread man." You can already tell why sock puppet man might of been a bit insane. The light begins to catch up to your momentum. You barely manage to dodge, your flesh tingles with the sensation of a burn. You can see the light traveling out into space, destroying planets in the distance. By the time you look back the sock puppet is in your face, you see a light again, then everything goes dark for a moment, by the time you come to, you feel hot, looking down, you see the red chain on you and you are being swung into the ground, hard. You sit up and look to your side to find sock-puppet man not moving. His bones broken, and his life gone. You kind of feel a little pissed. So you decide to throw his corpse into Gradien. Maybe it was because you were really accurate or lucky or whatever, but the corpse hits the sock puppet monster's head, the sock puppet itself is ripped off and the monster, man, and sock puppet all fall into a pile. You look on to watch the giant corpse. It begins to rise. Its arm even regenerates. What the hell you think.

Its faceless exterior rips open to reveal teeth and there is quite a bit. It roars quite horridly. On top where the sock puppet was, it was now back on the hand of sock puppet man. And the man himself was standing on top of the monster. "Hey look Dirty Man! I made a friend!" He begins to pet the monster which begins to stick its tongue out like a dog, panting and shaking its butt. "Who's a good boy!?" You realize it before anything else, the monster itself is an extension to its host, this time being the sock puppet man. It only acts this way because it was being controlled by the sock puppet man. "I'm going to call him Susan!" You awkwardly smile wondering how sock puppet man even made it this far honestly. He might even be the strongest warrior ever on the sheer fact that the improbability of him puts him out on top somehow. "Can I keep him Dirty Man?" How could you say no to Susan, look at that... six-armed, monster with the mouth of a leech... Honestly you want to say no, but you are kind of scared what Sock puppet man would do a little bit so you just sigh and nod. He then screams "Yay!" The monster then rolls over, Sock puppet man hopping over to give it a belly rub right below its mouth. You swear you saw a little number pop up saying karma +2.

[raptorfangamer]

>find more filler gods to have moar champion points, then summon your previous filler allies (You know, the Disney-converted demons, they should still be there... somewhere...).

[Phantom of The Library]

>The gold cloak-less man politely requests that he have his cloak back and that he may serve as a champion.

>DZA, gen another world, maybe you'll get some more useful deities this time.

[King DZA]

I think I'll leave the poll open for at least another update or two, in order to see if we can get a clear winner by the time we get into the tournament. Also, one cross-internet hi-five to Agertor for writing a suggestion almost long enough to be considered a small update on its own.

> The priest does a ritual involving a pair of pentacles drawn with his own blood, and incense. He meditates inside one using his own power to summon a clown. And prays that he not be the champion of Doardham. He hums an ancient Dwarven chant, his body glows, the clown cowers in it's pentacle.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What a nice big update. And yes, I'm biased and am voting for my own character.

Sensing the urgency of the current situation, Tasrak quickly comes up with an undoubtedly brilliant plan to help change its course. Without hesitation, the priest pulls out his E-Z Blood God Ritual Setup Kit, complete with special ritual dagger, a variety of incense, small candles, and a sacred ritual lighter to get them going.
Slicing open the tips of his middle and index fingers, he expertly draws two pentacles upon the surface of the pepperjack moon in his own blood, and places the incense at each of their five points. After lighting all the incense, he sits down in the center of one of the pentacles, and clears his mind as he begins to enter a deep meditation, while also throwing in a quick prayer not to be forced to serve the undisputed god of dickery during the tournament.

As his meditation continues, a clown starts to appear within the second pentacle. It gazes at the priest, who is now glowing brightly with concentrated power. And as he hums an arcane chant of the dwarves, passed down through countless millennia, the clown begins to fear for its well-being.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Gradien begins to laugh as he crushes you, and the sock puppet opens his mouth as your bones begin to crack. "I am a GOD!" You can make out a light from its mouth as it begins to suck in the very fabric of reality light into it and it begins to form a huge ball, and for a moment, you think to yourself why you didnt see this coming. Throwing you hard away from the large bodied Gradien, the light begins to flow towards you in a spiral, the middle being clear, however it soon becomes enveloped as well. The sock puppet monster laughs, "Run while you can, I'm the motherfucking gingerbread man." You can already tell why sock puppet man might of been a bit insane. The light begins to catch up to your momentum. You barely manage to dodge, your flesh tingles with the sensation of a burn. You can see the light traveling out into space, destroying planets in the distance. By the time you look back the sock puppet is in your face, you see a light again, then everything goes dark for a moment, by the time you come to, you feel hot, looking down, you see the red chain on you and you are being swung into the ground, hard. You sit up and look to your side to find sock-puppet man not moving. His bones broken, and his life gone. You kind of feel a little pissed. So you decide to throw his corpse into Gradien. Maybe it was because you were really accurate or lucky or whatever, but the corpse hits the sock puppet monster's head, the sock puppet itself is ripped off and the monster, man, and sock puppet all fall into a pile. You look on to watch the giant corpse. It begins to rise. Its arm even regenerates. What the hell you think.

Its faceless exterior rips open to reveal teeth and there is quite a bit. It roars quite horridly. On top where the sock puppet was, it was now back on the hand of sock puppet man. And the man himself was standing on top of the monster. "Hey look Dirty Man! I made a friend!" He begins to pet the monster which begins to stick its tongue out like a dog, panting and shaking its butt. "Who's a good boy!?" You realize it before anything else, the monster itself is an extension to its host, this time being the sock puppet man. It only acts this way because it was being controlled by the sock puppet man. "I'm going to call him Susan!" You awkwardly smile wondering how sock puppet man even made it this far honestly. He might even be the strongest warrior ever on the sheer fact that the improbability of him puts him out on top somehow. "Can I keep him Dirty Man?" How could you say no to Susan, look at that... six-armed, monster with the mouth of a leech... Honestly you want to say no, but you are kind of scared what Sock puppet man would do a little bit so you just sigh and nod. He then screams "Yay!" The monster then rolls over, Sock puppet man hopping over to give it a belly rub right below its mouth. You swear you saw a little number pop up saying karma +2.

Blood starts to trickle from my nostrils as the strength of Gradien's grip increases. Just as my sternum is fractured, my left tibia is snapped, and my right shoulder is horribly dislocated, the sinister sock puppet sewn atop my opponent's head begins speaking of its own accord, proclaiming itself a god. It then seems to start charging an attack, as its mouth opens wide, and all surrounding light is sucked into it, forming a very bright, large sphere. "Oh, awesome. He shoots lasers. How could I not have guessed...", I think.
With incredible might, Gradien launches me across the moon, while the sock puppet simultaneously fires off its light beam. As I am propelled around the pepperjack moon, I hear the sock puppet laughing, and referring to itself as a gingerbread man, and begin to understand just why the sock puppet man was always so unstable. However, before I am able to ponder the mental state of my friend any longer, I am suddenly overcome by a powerful desire to not be incinerated by the beam of light spiraling toward me. In a split second reaction, I twist out of the way of the sock puppet's light beam, feeling the intense heat it gives off, and watch as it travels out into space, obliterating any planets it comes in contact with.

Looking back to observe how far I've flown by now, I am struck with disbelief when I see the sock puppet right next to me. There is a blinding flash of light, followed immediately by pitch blackness. By the time I am able to see again, I notice that my surrounding temperature feels uncomfortably high, a problem I quickly attribute to Gradien's glowing red chain, which is currently wrapped around me, and apparently very, very hot. Another unfortunate discovery I make, is that I'm also about half a second away from being slammed directly into the grou-

"Ow...", I say, slowly crawling out of the coil of chain. Gradien lifts the glowing chain, and begins twirling it overhead, with the intention of soon crashing it down onto me.
As I prepare myself mentally for what is sure to be an excruciating defeat, I glance over to my side, and spot the mangled corpse of the sock puppet man lying several feet away. Saddened and angered by this sight, my determination is renewed, and I carefully lift myself off the ground.

I raise my one good arm just as Gradien swings his massive chain downward, and grab hold of it moments before being crushed. Startled by this, Gradien attempts to pull the chain from my grip, but when I yank the chain toward me and nearly cause him to fall over, the futility of his efforts are made clear. Infuriated, my colossal foe grabs onto the chain with all five of his remaining hands, and gets ready to tear his weapon away from my grasp with one mighty tug.
Unfortunately for him, right as he begins to pull, I conclude that I've held on for long enough, and decide to let go. Gradien goes stumbling back uncontrollably, while I use that time to limp over toward the body of my fallen comrade. Though, just as I reach it, Gradien regains his footing and comes marching back over. Spinning his chain thrice as fast as before, he looks to deliver a finishing blow that will finally bring an end to this fight. I grab onto the sock puppet man's lifeless body, and, after taking a deep breath, sling it at Gradien. The corpse grazes the top of his head, tearing the sock puppet from his scalp!

In an instant, Gradien collapses, and I breathe a sigh of relief. But, like all positive feelings I experience these days, the relief is short lived. Not even a minute after falling, the colossal corpse starts to get back up. It even rapidly regrows another arm to replace the one I severed. "What the fuck? Now that just isn't fair." As the newly revived monstrosity lets loose a bone chilling screech, the fleshy covering over its facial area begins to stretch and tear, exposing a mouth, lined with many rows of menacingly sharp teeth. Yet, oddly enough, this isn't the most surprising thing about the whole situation. No, what catches my attention most, is the fact that the sock puppet man is not only apparently alive and well again, but also seems to be standing atop the head of the resurrected Gradien, with his sock puppet once again pulled firmly over his hand.
He yells down to me, informing me that he and his six-armed murderer are now friends, which I am just a tad suspicious of, for obvious reasons. The sock puppet man happily pets his colossal new "friend", and I watch, bewildered, as the being that was only seconds ago hell-bent on ending my life, starts to act like some sort of dimwitted, playful puppy dog.

"This doesn't make any sense...Could it be an act? Maybe, the creature can somehow be controlled by those that manage to climb onto him? He did seem to become pretty impotent when the sock puppet was removed...Of course, this would lead me to two very unsettling conclusions:
One, it would mean almost anyone may be able to control that six-armed, chain wielding, limb regenerating monstrosity, simply by plopping down onto him. And two, it means that filthy sock puppet is truly its own entity, and wants to kill me." My contemplation is then interrupted when I hear the sock puppet man shouting about how he's naming the beast "Susan". I look to him with with a friendly yet uncertain smile. "I'll never understand how how I've managed to get myself killed more times than him."

With a hopeful expression, the sock puppet man asks whether he can keep Gra- I mean, Susan. After a little thought, I nod approvingly. A reckless choice, perhaps. But I'd honestly rather have him in control of that thing than someone who could harbor more diabolical intentions. As long as it remains a simple, non-murderous pet, I doubt it will cause too much trouble. the sock puppet man screams with joy, causing me to jump slightly, and proceeds to treat his new buddy to a belly rub. As I prepare to return back to my omnipresent state, I notice a small floating "Karma +2" symbol that fades away just a second after I see it. I briefly worry that I may have gone insane, but regain complacency after realizing that even if that were the case, I'd be far too gone by now to fret about it.

>find more filler gods to have moar champion points, then summon your previous filler allies (You know, the Disney-converted demons, they should still be there... somewhere...).

After my revitalizing return to omnipresence, I decide it would be best to get back to the matter of preparing for the tournament. Thoroughly thinking over all of my options, I use my vast intelligence to put together an ingenious plot that will ensure I am triumphant over even the most powerful of competitors."What if, I spend the decade focusing entirely on building up the largest pantheon I possibly can, so that on the day of the tournament, I can arrive with a legion of other deities on my side, and overwhelm my opponents with an unstoppable army of chosen ones!! But where will I get enough suitable chosen ones to supply my legion of deities...I know, The demons! Yes! I will rule the tournament with a demonic army of chosen champions, led by countless deities, and crush my competitors with the forces of hell itself! It's brilliant!!" Unfortunately, my ingenious plot is abruptly shot down when I remember that, regardless of how large my pantheon gets, my pantheon's representing team in the tournament is limited to a maximum of three deities, meaning a maximum of three chosen ones as well. Damn. Of course, I could still summon my demonic comrades here at any time if I wanted to. Though I doubt it would do much good.

>The gold cloak-less man politely requests that he have his cloak back and that he may serve as a champion.

>DZA, gen another world, maybe you'll get some more useful deities this time.

It is then, in my time of turmoil, that I hear the voice of the golden cloaked man, respectfully asking for his golden cloak to be returned to him, and also for the chance to act as a chosen one in my pantheon's team. Gladdened by his courageous request, I have his cloak appear neatly folded in front of him, and tell him that I will certainly consider him as a possible choice for chosen one.

Out of any more good ideas, I figure I might as well try creating another planet, and hope that this one spawns some more promising potential allies.
Putting in a bit more effort this time, I use the same method as before to craft a fresh, young world, and allow it to it advance substantially longer than the previous one, before once again taking gander at the Book of Legends.

Seeing as last time, I only really bothered to check out the dwarven deities of the world, this time I choose to try something different, and delve into the religions of a human civilization in search of some competent teammates:

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"Sadly, I don't see how painting prowess can be of much help in a life or death combat situation. Maybe I'll ask him to paint up some illustrations of the battles when the tournament's over, though."

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"Same problem as with painting, I'm afraid. Poetry just isn't a very useful skill to rely on in combat. But if I do decide to have those illustrations done, I'll see if he can write a short poem to go along with each one."

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"Oh gee, another nature goddess. Because I don't have enough of those already. And this one doesn't even specialize in any specific elements like the other ones did. Just plain old nature. Lame."

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"I'm guessing he likes kids. Interesting, I suppose. Though I have no idea how I would utilize such powers in the tournament."

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"Great, it's the fucking Sandman. With him on my team, at least I could trust our chosen ones would get a good night's sleep. Perhaps he could give our enemies a few mentally scarring nightmares while he's at it."

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"It better damn well be the time-of-day kind of twilight it's referring to. Although even then I don't see any great use it could have."

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"Okay, what the fuck. I can appreciate art and self expression just as much as the next god, but just like painting and poetry, writing is NOT a viable combat skill! What are we supposed to do? Write the other combatants an angry letter??"

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"Hm, great white shark goddess. Incredibly badass, yet highly impractical. Unless I'm willing to take a chance and assume that most of the planets the matches will be hosted on have a decent amount of water on them."

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"Perfect. We shall overcome our enemies using copious amounts of vicious gossip! How could a plan like that possibly fail?"

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"Is there some sort of secret rule I don't know about that requires every world to have a healing goddess?"

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"Labor goddess. I guess we could use that to...I don't know, toughen the chosen ones up before the tournament? Maybe even have a cool training montage to get everyone pumped just before it begins...Unless it's the other kind of labor, in which case I'm going to avoid this goddess entirely."

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"You'd need a pretty sharp tongue to win a combat-oriented tournament with words. Risky, and maybe a bit foolish, but probably not impossible."

With my deity examination complete, I attentively think of what my next course should be. I still need to decide with absolute certainty who my chosen one will be, and I should also start coming to a conclusion about which other deities I will be bringing with me. I can sit around making worlds for the whole ten years if I wish, but one thing it will be vital for me to make sooner or later, is a decision. And I'd prefer it be sooner.

Name: D.Z.A.

Sex: Male.

Age: 16

Badassery Level: ∞.

Location: Everywhere.

Inventory: Anything.