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Author Topic: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I  (Read 2534 times)

Loud Whispers

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Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« on: January 29, 2012, 04:24:49 pm »
-JORIC! Now where the hell are ya'!
-Always been here sir.
-Rubbish! I'll tell ye when you're here!
-As I was sayi-
-The Dwarves Joric! The Dwarves!
5 days ago, The Dwarves sent us a messenger! They've found some place, just BURSTING with riches! And since they can't take it, they're giving it to us!.. As long as we dispose of the Goblins and Rodents of course.
-Seems a bit suspicious my King?
-How so?
-They burnt our caravans alive with the blood of the mountains.
-Industrial accidents.
-Ordered our liasons to be killed on sight.

...

-A necessary precaution during times of war.
-And now they are telling you to send our citizens across the world, to a place we've never heard about?
-Yep. Now, you are to take Tharfnar, Desu, Edarg, Mekar, Igruk and Quaflgard, and set off at once! Once there, you will build an outpost and house the very best soap makers and fishermen vital to the operations!
-Me sir?!
-Yes you. Unless you would rather work in the mines?
-Fine. Though why Quaflgard? He breeds... Things.
-Bah, a team of specialists, you'll do fine with Quaflgard. Now be gone!
-One, last thing sir?
-What is it you blighter?
-What did the Dwarves call it?
-Whorespikes.

                                   

Joric's Journal - 1st of Granite 3, 12th of Galena 3:
Ha ha! Brilliant! Igruk invented a writing tool! What better way to record things now! What a great way to end the dark ages, hell, I don't even know who my parents were! Ha!
"Like stealing technology from a Dwarf," Igruk said. Which is funny, except from personal experience, anything involving a Dwarf tends to end in broken bones. Igruk is an odd one.
Well, if the Dwarves are to be trusted, I've marked the area where we are going to commence operation: Massive Baucraut
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Ordered Quaflgard and Mekar to build us a farm to be proud of. We're taking our human industry with us from across the globe! Curse those immortal treehuggers and red eyed scoundrels... To be honest, the farmers working so hard would be admirable, if Quaflgard didn't keep disgusting everyone by feeding his things our food. I should probably tell you how they eat later.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I BLOODY KNEW IT!
Ono you fat fool, Werewolves! Bloody Werewolves!
This forest is terrifying.
This river appears to be our saviour though, bless be the carp that keeps that Lycan Bitch on the other side. It won't take long for it to reach the other side though. I recommend immediately that all caravans be sent guarded, and small in number. But, even after the year you receive this letter, we both know you won't listen. Sir. Curse those vile Dwarves.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And something possibly far worse followed the Hound.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
5 stories high, with a gatehouse and an indoor garden. If it had a roof, I'd bet you'd be jealous! Ha!
Cleared an entire forest getting it up. But as is the general mood of us all, we probably would've burnt the forest down if we had no use for the logs. Gives us all the creeps, as if something was watching us. Thing is - sometimes there really is something watching us. In any other situation I would've ignored Igruk's suggestion to give a house a bloody ditch... All in all sir, we're doing fine. Just got a visit from Harpies. Remember being told about them as kids sir? Tharfnar just punched one to a bloody pulp! I'm actually starting to like this place.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Today was disturbing. For a week, we were visited by an Ogress, who prowled beyond the river, beckoning the men forward, doing vile, vile things whilst we worked. Cleaning up the vomit was a nauseating task, but it helps to not remember these things. I have included my own rendition of what she looked like from afar, best you not show this to your queen.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Sir, I love this place! And I thought the Dwarves were insane! Igruk and Tharfnar have both become begrudged with each other. Igruk is our militia commander, and Tharfnar, well do I need to remind you of the Harpy? To make things better, Tharfnar is in love with Desu, and Desu and Igruk are close friends! Couldn't have made this drama up! Ah well, I suppose I should try to keep those two away from each other, wouldn't want to set a bad example for Quaflegard's children. Ugly things... They have teeth on their eyes.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And saying they eat with their eyes is generous at best. Ugly little crickets! But their poisonous bite has saved us quite a bit so far! Even if it inflicts a toll on our local dog population. Granted, we were slightly mad when Quaflgard poured a barrel of the venom into our whiskey 'by accident', but as it turns out, we're immune! HA HA HA!
Although it may make us insane, so we're refraining from ingesting too much of the tasty stuff.

And we have our bad days...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Our very bad days...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Our very, VERY, bad days...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
It all works out in the end.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And we have our fun.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

~Yours truly, Joric Zostrakatslet, Expedition Leader of Whorespikes.

Quote from: Author's note
So, what's the general reaction? Any questions? Should I bother continuing chronicling the events of Whorespikes? Possibly Dorfing (Anthropomorphising?) some of the Humans.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2012, 04:38:46 pm by Loud Whispers »
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zubb2

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2012, 07:50:20 pm »
First.
That was a very entertaining read.
So your rping in your journal,well what im asking is is whorespikes a human fort?
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(Anyone else have any stories that can compare to a man being beaten to death with his own trousers by a giant gopher?)
(when goblins showed up, I mumbled "Smithers! Release the hounds!" and had the lever pulled.)

Loud Whispers

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2012, 01:31:01 pm »
Quote from: zubb2 on January 29, 2012, 07:50:20 pm
So your rping in your journal,well what im asking is is whorespikes a human fort?

Yup, humans. Always humans!!! More or less plays the same as Dwarves, except you cannot conscript war miners into unstoppable slaughter machines :(
Oh, and everything I build has to be above ground, bar the cellar, though I'll try build a granary of some sort to store the food later.

*Drifts off into talk about plans for Whorespikes*
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Sarlare

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2012, 05:00:08 pm »
Interesting story so far- are you using a mod, by the way (besides making humans playable :p)
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2012, 05:37:21 pm »
Nope, just using my own special brand of modding madness :D
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UltraValican

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2012, 05:58:08 pm »
If you ever want F*CKHUGE farm above ground, use screw pumps. Those farms saw my humies till winter(I placed a no farming in the winter handicap on myself).
Also,migrant human couples don't make sense.
Husband:14
Wife:16
Child:11, I kid you not.
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Would you rather be an Ant in Heaven or a Man in Hell?

Loud Whispers

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2012, 06:02:25 pm »
Isn't that a bug where two couples can arrive on the fort, married, with kids, and have no relations whatsoever?

Except with the Dwarves, it was much much worse, as someone decided to abuse the fact that the family members didn't see themselves as family, and well....
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vyznev

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2012, 05:20:16 pm »
Quote from: Loud Whispers on January 29, 2012, 04:24:49 pm
Ugly things... They have teeth on their eyes.


Actually, many animals, including humans, have eye teeth, also known as the upper canine teeth.  In the DF raws, you'll find them in body_default.txt, under [BODY:TEETH] and [BODY:GENERIC_TEETH_WITH_LARGE_EYE_TEETH].
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Quote from: Derro on March 16, 2017, 02:09:54 am
Climbing is a strength-based skill. Elephants are very strong. Why are you surprised?

Loud Whispers

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Re: Whorespikes ~ A very Human Land pt I
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2012, 05:29:16 pm »
Ah, this has been abandoned, and I have since already learned that myself :P
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